Punch: Punch (11.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. is

THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OP

MISS ROBINSON CRUSOE.

should be rolled into the bosom of a whole family lying in disorder
before me, and the other grasping a smelling-bottle, my thoughts—
■what could they do ?—flew backward, home. Then I saw my father,
mildly sipping his one glass of toddy ere he departed for bed ; my
mother making believe to knit ; Tib, the cat, upon the hearth ; Joss,
the pug, upon the stool ; and my sampler—yes, so roused was my
fancy, I saw my own sampler—with the row of yew-trees, in green
silk, framed and glazed above the chimney ! And then my father's
words, " I '11 get you a sober and steady husband," rang in my brain ;
and—so quick is imagination in moments of peril—I absolutely saw
that interesting man, saw him as my wedded lord, and beheld myself
in a very sweetly furnished house, surrounded by I know not how
many happy children. The thought was too much for me. I wept.

I know not how long I had remained in this sad condition, when I
heard the voice of Captain Biscuit shouting down into the cabin—
" Tumble up, ladies ! Ship's going down !" I leapt from my berth,
and with wonderful presence of mind seized a favourite bandbox.
Nor, even in that hour of terror, were the curls (spoken of in my last
chapter) forgotten. I will not dwell upon the scene that met my
view when I rushed upon deck ; though the patterns of some of the

the married ladies, there were a
dozen young gentlewomen, con-
signed to the Captain for the same

CHAPTER II.

eing booked as a married lady
about to return to her husband at
Hyderabad, I was particularly
cautious in my conversation with
many of the female passengers, the
greater number of whom were
really the wedded wives of officers
and state civilians ; ladies who had
really left their little ones in Eng-
land, and were returning to their
Indian firesides. I say I was
reserved in my speech, lest I might

betray my inexperience. Besides ^gu^Ti\i^ve7c^ go~out of my mind

As I was about to rush by the gangway, I was seized—I know not
by whom—and literally flung into the barge below. This violence
struck the bandbox from my hand ; and I saw it borne away for
purpose as I proposed to myself; .1. . tfae remorseless deep, ^re, however, I could express my
namely, for instant marriage on feelLngg upQn tMs biUer ^ T heard & 8hout_the voice, i think, of
their arrival. 1 will con.ess it, Captain Biscuit—the barge gave a lurch, and when I was next
that the number ot spinsters a, j consciouS5 j found myseif aione upon the deep—miraculously supported
. , , . *?ttle disconcerted me ; as I had b garments—and in this manner passed along from wave to

picked out from newspapers something about the harmony of demand| wav(/ TM however_T knew it_Could not last. Gathering my
and supply, and therefore knew that if only twelve officers came off senseg about T therefore be t0 swim.

m the yam and cocoa-boats for a wife there must, by every rule of j And here let me blesg dence that had turned a raonth>s

arithmetic, remain one virgin unwedded. I will not attempt to • ,r ». , ' , . . • T • , , ., „

,„ ' . , .. f r ^ j j-tT j. • • , . Vlsit to Margate to profit, teaching me to swim. I might, with the

describe my perturbation when I reflected that this one might be > ,. . ■, • , m A ± V1 • T „• r,* i7 J„ <■ i~

Ti r £, t i i , , , t thoughtless and vain, have raffled at libraries—I might have sat whole

myselt ! However, after I had well surveyed the whole twe ve, I . .t. v Z * a- j. j 4U , i i *

. , , t . rm_ i j , , • j- ■ , \ hours upon the beach pretending to read the last new lovely tale—

took great heart. Ihree had verv red hair ; lour irregular ieeth : i u . T , T j. £ ^ . , e , ,. , ,

. \ , ... , ii^.,', , i but no, I knew—I felt—that life was made for better things ; and

two—but no ; it is a melancholy, a thankless task to number the ~ , , , , , . . ■, ■, • fl„ •__

. .. ' „ „ •" _ „, , . , i therefore, once a day. launched out into the deep, and—in flowing

imperfections of our fellow-creatures. Let it suffice that, with the: ' , ■, . • ™, ■ . u. ,.1__nA °

■ ~ , ,-r, ,„.. , , garments, learned to swim. The curious world might be gathered on

ingenuousness of a woman s soul, I knew myself to be the most f, , i r j . , . . , . aj ^ 4.v„__*

° .. ~ , . m, t u , . , ,, the beach; I cared not, but struck out. And now, at the most

attractive ot the lot. Thus, I would not despair should even a ,e , , e T ^, n fi m 1 „

general officer come off in the cocoa-boat eventful moment of my life, I found the value of my skill. Therefore

nr..„i, «. t j u j n !_ . -, , T. is it, that I hope my example will turn some ot mv sex irom dancing

Much that I saw and heard, naturally enough, surprised and dis- | . ,, ... . f / .. Z. ^ j a ■ ___r„v,

____„ t i x i j. v j. t %j -i ,n m all its variety of vanity to a more worthy and enduring accomplish-

concerted me. I was a week at least before I could reconcile myself rr. i- ' . * , •, ^ . • ■ „ „

e i j iU , . . „ . ^ „ T , ,- , merit. True, dancing may obtain a husband ; but swimming saves a

to the frequent order to " put the ship in stays." At first I believed TT ' , tu u ^ L n e a

it was nothin but C\ptain Biscuit's wit but as n 1 oh HaPP7i then, the woman who quits the ball-room for the deep—

~f ^___„„ , , , " ^i, ' ^ ^J10^0 ^ -aU-,g f ' who turns from cork-soles for a cork-jacket. To return to my story.

of course looked as grave as the rest. When, too, the Captain declared . „„ ... . , J , v + -vr „

__i, u v. n i. ? ■ » t • i After much swimming, a mighty wave threw me ashore ; but INep-

that he knew we should have a squall before night, I, innocently i , ,„ 8 , J x.-

i „j «_v l. i j u it Zj. x ,-i i tune, doubtless for some unknown purpose, sent a bigger wave to

enough, asked him, which lady among us he thought most likely to - , , , , . . . , , a 4.v.

o " c-n„ 4.1. * T i n 4. t 4. ! 4.1 fetch me back aeain ; fortunately, however, my flounces—they were

ecream ? Suly creature that I was ! But I was soon to learn the % „ ' , . 4, , "V ,-, » . J ,

Silly creature that
•difference between a feminine scream, and the scream of Boreas. A
warning this, I trust, to all roving young ladies who, not content with
the chance of steady and sober husbands (as my dear mother, with
tears in her eyes, used to call 'em) at home, must even take ship for

worn then very full—catching among the rocks, held me fast ashore.
Taking advantage of this circumstance, I rose and ran away from the
next billow.

I looked about me. It was plain I was upon some island. Yet,

+u„ t„^i:„ 4. „ ca • 4. , j i_ 4. x -11 4 ; although my father had been regularly charged for my learning the

the Indies to marry officers in regimentals, and so—but I will not i f , m n. ^'o-i, i n, * n ^-^^ +u„

use of the globes at the Blackheath School, the fault was either in the

teachers or myself, that I could not possibly guess upon what part of

the world I was landed.

anticipate the sorrows that overtook me.

We had sailed for many days with the wind, as they told me, south-
west by west ; which, as well as I could then make out, was as much
as to say the Elephant and Castle by St. James's Church. Thus, after
my own fashion, did I make out the theory of the winds. When we
had been at sea a week, Captain Biscuit with peculiar emphasis
declared that we were at last " in blue water." It was not of course
for me to contradict him : but, looking over the ship, the colour
appeared exactly what I had often bought at the mercer's for a sea-
green. But Captain Biscuit was an odd man.

We had been at sea, I think, twenty-seven days, when we killed a
dolphin. The sweet creature died beautifully. As I stood contem-
plating the brilliant hues of the expiring fish, beholding how the
colours burned and intermingled, a tear stole into my eye, and the
words^ involuntarily escaped my lips,—" What a lovely shot for a
dress !" And this is human vanity ! Alas ! how little did I dream
of the terrors of the coming night. The sun went down like a ball of
dull fire, in the midst of smearing clouds of red-currant jam. The
winds began to whistle worse than any of the lowest orders of society
in a shilling gallery. Every wave was suddenly as big and high as
Primrose Hill. The cords of the ship snapped like bad stay-laces.
No best Genoa velvet was ever blacker than the firmament ; and not
even the voices of the ladies calling for the stewardess were heard
*bove the orchestral crashing of the elements.

For myself, with one hand clutching the side of my berth, lest I

Not wearing pockets, I Ijad secured nothing about me, except a pair
of scissors, a smelling-bottle, and a box of peppermint drops.

PROPOSED TESTIMONIAL TO MR. GOULBURN.

The Morning Post suggests to the Undergraduates of Cambridge
that, at the approaching " Commencement," they will be expected to
show Mr. Goulburn some fitting mark of their appreciation of his
services as Member for the University and Chancellor of the Exchequer.
The Morning Post, hiwever, trusts, for the sake of academical decorum,
that hissing and hooting (those customary manifestations of Under-
graduate disapprobation) will not be resorted to on the occasion. There
seems to remain but one course open to the Undergraduates, namely,
to supply themselves with unmarketable eggs ; and there is no doubt
that it is a testimonial in this oval form which our decorous con-
temporary intimates his desire to see adopted.

AFFECTING FAREWELL.

Lord Brougham left his corner of the Woolsack on Friday night.
As he took his farewell he said, in an unshaken voice, " Au Revoir."