Punch: Punch (11.1846)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

227

HOW TO RAISE THE GREAT BRITAIN.

Every sort of expedient has been suggested for raising the Great
Britain, hut nothing tangible appears to have been yet hit upon. The
only feasible proposition yet made is one of our own, for getting the
vessel off the shore by the agency of the Nassau balloon, which is
we believe lying idle, and will not be required till the opening next year
of some of the suburban gardens. Two minor balloons might be used
as supplementary elevators of the enormous mass of naval architecture,
and the steamer might be carried right off to the dock where it may
be intended that the necessary repairs should be completed.

By the way, the same principle might be applied to the "Wellington
Statue, which might be kept floating about over London while public
opinion is suspended as to the best site to assign to it.

CAUTION TO CUSTOMERS.

It i9 not perhaps generally known that there is considerable danger
in dealing with tradesmen of doubtful circumstances. A most lament-
able instance of annoyance has just come to our ears, and we publish it
as a warning to others who may be accidentally placed in the same
disagreeable position.

A gentleman had for some years employed the same person to make
his clothes, and had no reason to make any complaint whatever. Un-
fortunately the tradesman fell into difficulties and became bankrupt.
The result was that the customer was applied to for the debt, and was
actually compelled to pay his tailor. Such an unusual result had not
been anticipated by the gentleman, who complained loudly of being
obliged to pay for the imprudence or mismanagement of others.

We advise all persons to be very particular in having references as
to the stability and credit of the tailor they employ before committing
■themselves to the chances of being inconvenienced by another indivi-
dual's bankruptcy.

LOUIS-PHILIPPE AND THE POLES.

That noble-minded, most ingenuous monarch, Louis-Philippe—that
Napoleon of Pence—has attacked the Polish cause in Paris through its
pocket :—

" The editors of three papers, entitled The Third of Nay, the Polish Nation, and the
Polish Democracy, had been cited before the Tribunal of Correctional Police, for the
non-fulfilment of certain formalities, and for omitting to deposit in the Treasury a security
of 50,000f. each. The object of that measure was evidently to obtain the suppression of
those journals."

" Gold is the old man's sword," says the poet ; and—the Napoleon of
Pence, sheathing the homicidal steel—stabs and cuts the throat of free-
dom with a weapon of more precious metaL He says he abominates
bloodshed ; but does not scruple to knock down Liberty wherever he
meets her, with a money-bag.

Royal Vengeance,

Geobge the Fourth, for breaking faith at Elba, sent Napoleon
Bonaparte to St. Helena. For doing the same thing in the Mont-
fensier marriage business, perhaps Queen Victoria will send the
Napoleon of Peace, to—Coventry.

NEW « CAUSES CELEBRES."

Lord Brougham has had several little commissions intrusted to him
since it was known that he executed French orders. Deputations
wait upon him every day, begging of him to undertake their " little
matter." His trunks are bursting with papers—his pocket-book is
groaning under the weight of memoranda. The following will give
some faint idea of what the labours of Lord Brougham will be next
Session :—

There is the cause of Louis-Philippe versus Victoria, in which
Lord Brougham has promised not only to prove that his client has
been shamefully libelled, but also to obtain heavy damages for defama-
tion of character.

There is the complaint of the Gallic Cock, that 23,000,000 French
eggs are imported into England every year, to be brought up as
English chickens.

There is the case of the French feuilleionistes, who cry out for
vengeance, because God save the Queen was sung in English on the
opening night of the French plays.

There are likewise the interests of the proprietaires of coco, and the
galette and brioche commerce, which Lord Brougham has promised to
espouse with a view to their universal introduction into this country.

His word has also been pledged not to rest till the duty has been
taken off French beans.

He has likewise been retained by the Societe des Arts et Sciences to
ascend in a balloon from Cremorne House, when the annular eclipse
of the sun takes place next twelvemonth, for the purpose of taking
observations as near to the spot as possible.

It has been amicably arranged at last, that his Lordship is to be the
London correspondent for the future of the Entr' Acte, but this is not
to affect his engagement in the least, of contributing a sheet a month
to the Petites Affiches.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THE SPECTATOR?

We do not know what has come over the Spectator lately. It has
been attempting to be funny. The first symptom was exhibited a
month ago, and displayed itself in a violent effort to get a joke out of
the word "Hyderabad/' by making poor Sir Charles Napier do duty
on that occasion as a hyder-o'-bad statues. Since this outbreak the
symptoms of punning have become aggravated, and on November 15th
they settled into the following confirmed case of Morning Herald-ism,
—" Goding and Co.'s horses dragged the effigy to the arch—Meux
and Co.'s ought to drag it away ; for if it took more goading to bring
it there, it will be far mieux to carry it off." The italics are not ours, but
the Spectator's own branding. Now we admire our clever contemporary
as much as anybody, but then it is in its own peculiar line, and we
hope it will stick to it. Its real element is cold water. It should retire
again as quickly as possible into its favourite "but." We will overlook
its jokes this once, on its promising never to do so any more.

Holyrood Palace.

Why will not Dukes march a little with the times ? Why will men
with coronets lag so lamentably behind steam-boat stokers and omnibus
drivers ? We have penny and twopenny rides by land and water, for
which heretofore we paid sixpence. Why, then, if palaces are made
show-places of—why should we not have palaces like pine-apples, for
the million ? Holyrood Palace is the property of the Duke of Hamil-
ton, and, though all Edinburgh is almost at a boiling heat—whobbling
to a civic riot—at his shamefully high charges, he will not exhibit his
royal cobwebs and spiders at a reduced price. Neither will he separate
the exhibition : showing—-for a proportionate sum—the spider without
the cobweb, or the cobweb Avithout the spider. This is too bad. Nay,
were we not speaking of a Duke, we should say it was shabby.

AN ENRAPTURED CRITIC.

One of our daily contemporaries in criticising the successful debut
of Madlle. Fuoco, at Drury Lane, flies into raptures on the subject of
her appearance, and after declaring "her arms and legs are unexcep-
tionable," bursts out into the ecstatic exclamation, " What a future
she has before her ! " We have heard of people having fortune in their
own hands, but here is a lady who has it in her legs also. Her features
are said to be " finely chiselled," though she is perhaps, after all, only
the chip of some old block of a father to whom she bears resemblance.
It is suggested that she may amass wealth at pleasure, for a lady
who can do so much with her toes may calculate on having as much
money " down upon the nail" as she may desire.