Punch: Punch (11.1846)

248

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

his wife the astounding information that he had asked Goldmore to
dinner.

" My love," says Mrs. Grat, in a tremor, " how could you be so
■cruel ? Why, the dining-room won't hold Mrs. Goldmore."

"Make your mind easy, Mrs. Gray ; her ladyship is in Paris. It
is only Crcesus that's coming, and we are going to the play after-
wards— to Sadlers' "Wells. Goldmore said at the Club that he
thought Shakspeare was a great dramatic poet, and ought to be
patronised ; whereupon, fired with enthusiasm, I invited him to our
banquet."

" Goodness gracious ! what can we give him for dinner ? He has
two French cooks ; you know Mrs. Goldmore is always telling us
about them ; and he dines with Aldermen every day."

'"A plain leg of mutton, my Lucy,
I prythee get ready at three ;
Have it tender, and smoking, and juicy,
And what better meat can there be ?''

says Gray, quoting my favourite poet.

" But the cook is Ul ; and you know that horrible ^Pattypan, the
pastrycook's" * *

"Silence, Frau ! " says Gray, in a deep-tragedy voice. "I will
have the ordaining of this repast. Do all things as I bid thee. Invite
our friend Snob here to partake of the feast. Be mine the task of
procuring it."

" Don't be expensive, Raymond," says his wife.

"Peace, thou timid partner of the briefless one. Goldmore's
dinner shall be suited to our narrow means. Only do thou do in all
things my commands." And seeing, by the peculiar expression of the
rogue's countenance, that some mad waggery was in preparation, I
awaited the morrow with anxiety.

THE ARISTOCRACY OF HAIR CUTTING.

A Barber in Bishopsgate, who undertakes to cut the hair of'
his customers in a Saloon representing the Bay of Naples, and professes
to lather them into a belief that they are actually looking upon Mount
Vesuvius, has carried his love of illusion so far as to have puffed him-
self into the belief that the public will be attracted to his establishment
by such an announcement as the following :—

" Gentlemen may have their hair kept in the nicest order on terms in some cases at or
■under what is charged by the sixpenny cheap shops, where they have the chance of
sitting down after some journeyman mechanic, and of obtaining more things than are
■dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio ; or of being wailed upon by some drunken half-
day man, whom no respectable master would employ."

The insinuation thrown out against journeymen mechanics, and the
.genteel horror expressed at the mere risk of sitting down after one of'
the industrious classes, will have their weight with us, for as we know
of no undoubted distinction by which a journeyman mechanic maybe
at once discovered, we shall certainly abstain from visiting these adver-
tising barbers, lest they might mistake us for one of the class carrying
about with them the pollution of industry. It would be awkward
to be called upon for one's credentials of gentility by the fellow who is
about to cut one's hair at this ursine menagerie.

THE SKATING SEASON.

There was a deal of skating in Baker Street last week. Several
new pas were executed in the most masterly manner by the monster
beasts wending their slippery way to their dulce domum, the Baker
Street Bazaar. We noticed an ox who was throwing his whole body
into the performance of a figure eight ; and there was a great boar
from Hampshire, who did a spread eagle in the middle of the road, in
the cleanest manner. The Durham cows were less successful, having
greater difficidty to keep upon their legs, but a pastorale was got up in
Portman Square, by a party of four, who went up the middle and down
again, executing the last step more than once, and changed sides, and
balancezed with a rapidity and aplomb that delighted a large circle of
beholders. The skating was wound up with a grande ronde of all the
animals on the ice. Refreshments, consisting of bran and oilcake,
were served out in the course of the evening to the wearied skaters.

Punch a la Somalne.

■Several new newspapers have been started at Rome ; among them
•an English journal called the Roman Advertiser. We understand that,
under the auspices of the present liberal Pontiff, an imitation of our
own periodical will shortly be produced in the Eternal City, for the
express purpose of enlivening the dulness so prevalent amongst the
cardinals.

THE POETRY OF FISH.

fancy portrait of the poet TAYLOR.

It is a refreshing sign of the times that Poetry is beginning to force
| its way into the business of everyday life, and our advertisers are con-
tinually cultivating the Nine, in the hope of attracting the million.
Among the most distinguished mercantile votaries of the muse, is the
celebrated J. Taylor, of Lombard Street, whose lyrics on piscatorial
prices rank him with some of the best poets of our own—or anybody
else's—era. If his verses do not become immortal, it is because they
are " too good to live ; " but we will at least preserve from oblivion the
following :—

"C1 I S H.—

-L Breathes there a man, so dainty fed,
That can refuse a good Cod's head
And shoulders, weight, nine or ten pound,
Plenty of liver and full of sound ?
Let that man sulk—yes, let him frown,
"Who refuses it for half-a-crown!

We regret that the above delightful distich should lose its poetical
feeling by concluding with a common-place reference to the prices of
ordinary fish, and observations on their weight, as if they were so much
mere food ; instead of being, as Taylor has made them, the sources—
aye, the fish-sources—of inspiration. As the poet does not seem to
have come quite up to the delicate niceties of his art, we suggest the
following improved mode of putting the sentiment in the above
stanza :—

When round the busy world we scan,

And learn each human wish,
We surely never find the man

Who'd dine without his fish.

Though some may praise the tender sole,

Or choose the brill instead—
They may be right, but, on the whole,

Give me my prime cod's head !

With parsley garnished gaily round,

And laid on china dish ;
Complete, with liver and with sound,—

Sure 'tis the king of fish.

And if you would enjoy the treat,

Rush with your money down ;
Taylor, of far-famed Lombard Street,

Sells it for half-a-crown.

Magnificent Addition I Chamber of Bobbers I

MADAME TUSSAUD begs to inform the Nobility and Gentry that she has
just added to her celebrated collection of Criminals, authentic models of those
celebrated Robbers, Jack Sheppard, Dick Turpin, and Jbrry Abbsshaw, together
with the Thrke Chownbd Hbads implicated in the late Cracow Robbery.