Punch (12.1847)

22 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

TREATY INSURANCE OFFICE. THE NEW DISCOVERY IN S0RGERY.

The public will have seen with considerable interest that mean*
have been discovered for performing the most difficult operations
without giving pain to the party upon whom it is necessary to operate.
A man may, it seems, have his legs cut from under him without his
knowing ic, by the new process, while the drawing out of his teeth
becomes an agreeable excitement, which is so delightful that a boy
having been mulcted of a molar, clamoured loudly to have another
extracted, and only held his jaw when the dentist consented to oblige
him.

However desirable this invention may be in a surgical point of view,
we have every hope that it will soon be applied to the more delicate
operations of politics. How useful would it have been during the last
session, when the Conservative body had to undergo the painful process
of the cutting off of so many of its members ! Had the new process
been known, the political amputations might have taken place without
any of that pain, amounting in some cases to direct mortification,
which ensued in several instances. Considering the frequent severings
that Sir Robert Pj<;el has been obliged to undergo, and the numerous
occasions upon which he will again most probably feel it necessary to
submit to amputations, the new process must be almost invaluable to
the Right Honourable Baronet.

As the plan is calculated to prevent pain in all cases of removal, we
should recommend its being tried on the next occasion of a removal
from office by Her Majesty's Ministers. This has always been a most
distressing operation, from the suffering it has inflicted on the parties
concerned; and all the friends of humanity must be delighted at the'
prospect there is of its becoming an entirely painless proceeding.

L PORTRAIT, AFTER BEARD.

Louis-Philippe made a threat a few weeks ago, that he would
summon a congress of kings for the purpose of drawing up a new set of
treaties, so that each European state might know what to do for the
future. The notion is not a bad one, but, considering the short lives of
treaties in general, we think ic scarcely necessary to draw up any at
all. It would be much better to ca'culate the average duration of the
existence of a treaty, and then for each monarch to enter into two
heavy sureties to keep the peace in Europe during that period. When
the term had expired, any crowned head should be at liberty to renew
the treaty for the same period of years. The promised congress would
only involve a number of unpleasant questions upon recent events,
besides bringing parties into contact who would have a difficulty, if
kings are given to blushing, to look one another in the face. Louis-
Philippe ough: to be very much obliged to us for this new proposal
of insuring treaties, for he must know better than anybody that it has
been his peculiar good fortune to gain upon every one of his policies,
which required a tremendous deal of assurance.

PUNCH'S MESSAGE TO CONGRESS.

Gentlemen,

Brevity is the soul,of Punch; he will not therefore, like
Polk, write you a letter as long, but not so lively, as a volume of Sam

Slick

Your thanks are due to your national stars for the successful settle-
ment of the Oregon Question.

Vou will learn with regret that you are in a decided fix. With a
view to business you have marched into Mexico \ but you have no
business there. You are likely to meet with more drubbings than
dollars. You had better imitate a former King of Prance, with his
thirty thousand men, and march back again.

If you do not take care, you will involve yourself in a national debt.
You owe quite enough already ; and I recommend you to pay it as soon
as possible.

I advise you to repudiate—not indebtedness, but—slavery.
Industry is more profitable, and less hazardous, than Annexation.
The amendment of the Law of Lynch is worthy of your consideration.
Gentlemen, I wish you a merry Session, and a happy New Year.

Lord George on Railways and Corn.

At the York Festival Lord George Bentinck said the name of
Stephenson (to whom be ah honour.) would " be remembered by
every farmer whose corn was carried to market at 4*. to 5s. per quarter
less than before." Very good. But Lord George forgot this slightly
vital point.—Let his Lordship's predictions prove true, as of course they
will, and the British farmer will have no corn to carry.

A VORACIOUS PIKE.

The stones have been so slippery along Fleet Street, that the City
turnpikeman has had the greatest difficulty in pursuing the carts to
levy his toll. The poor man has been so tired, from repeatedly falling,
that he has not been able, since the frost has set in, to follow ihe chase
with his usual ardour ; or if he has started a cart or two, it has been
only to see the game fly right before him, without the possibility of
bagging a single toll. The sums, he says, he has lost in this way are
quite untold. He has represented his case to the Court of Aldermen,
and they have been generous enough to allow him to wear, during the
frosty weather, a pair of skates. He has been practising by moonlight
on the pavement in Piccadilly, and declares he can stand up against
anything now, as he cannot imagine any customer or ice being half so
slippery as the wood pavement. The public may expect to have some
capital sport with this voracious pike. Bis hiding-place is the corner
of Chancery Lane, and he is to be brought out at any time, by any per-
son who wishes to tackle him, by means of a horse and cart. He will run
any distance after his prey, and has never been known to leave it till he
has secured it.

SPORTS AND PASTIMES OP THE PEOPLE.

Wanted, a Lion.

Alexandre Dcmas has gone over to Algiers to hunt lions; but it
seems that there is not a lion to be had in the place, for love or money.
He talked of sending over for the British Lion, but was dissuaded by
being told that the poor animal had been so dreadfully hunted down in
his own country, that there was not a roar left in him. Alexandre
Dumas is dreadfully wroth at the Game-Laws not being hetter pre-
served in Algeria, and has registered a vow in his pocket-book to send
over, as soon as he arrives in Paris, a covey of young lions, from the
Jardin des Plantes. He has advertised for a " spirited young man"
for a gamekeeper, but as yet no one has come forward to accept the
heroic situation. _

TOO MUCH OF A BAD THING.

Some wretched man, or bitter satirist, proposes that the Statue of
the Duke be set up at the point in Kensington Gardens where the eight
avenues converge, " so that the figure may be seen from eight different
points'of view." It would also be seen in eight points of view at once
by different persons. We do not know what the frequenters of Ken-
sington Gardens have done to deserve this, nor do we feel so malig-
nantly towards the Sub-committee as to inflict on them such aven-
ge ance.

PARDONABLE WEAKNESS.

Poachers have been pardoned by the Queen. " May not this be
called"—asks Gr\ntley Berkeley of Punch—"a pardonable weak-
ness ?"

Rubbers at whist are said to be common in the carriages of the i An appropriate Alias.—We observe that the London Medical
Eastern Counties Railway. We think Patience would be a more ap- ; Directory is much advertised. As an additional title for this publica-
:>ropriate game. tion, we would suggest "The Red Lamp."