Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

11

PUNCH'S HISTORICAL PORTRAIT GALLERY. THE P0L1TE PARLIAMENTARY SPEAKER.

_.______ Mr. H. Grattan is, it must be confessed, a perfect master of abuse.

If he cannot speak pearls and diamonds, he can at le;ut throw dirt.
henry the third, OF France. This is 8omethirig. His favourite aversion is Ms. Roebuck, whom, it

mAy be remembered, he designated " a shrivelled adder." Mr. Roe-
j& -^1. buck will not suffer that united body of Irishmen, the landlords, to

^@SnAL ransack the pockets of John Bull ; and he is therefore to be assailed

^iSPp^^nraBBk by Irish tloquence—pelti d with bad potatoes. Pondering upon the

*s|«l*if<:' v-WEBm words of Mr. Grattan, we have arrived at the opinion that the Mem-

J81» - ^ aB bers of the House of Commons might, like the Red Men of America, be

3g|if ^\ v^"*1 jBf characteristically designated ; so that the names giv<-n to them should,

§SsF~ 1 i~ $jm at once, convey a clear notion of their peculiar qualuie-'. "The Downy

'^- ^^m Beaver"—-'The White Buffalo"—" The Diving Mouse," give us an

m? V* Js9 instant notion of the character of the bearer ; and as the Speaker of thi?

jUfi I'^tocMmr House of Commons permitted the silver-tongued Grattan to apply to

nmf rf?i'J.. a gentleman the term "shrivelled Adder," we think that from the

whole world of lower animals might be judiciously selected a phrase of
equal significance, applicable to every member. We will suppose
a few :—

" The non. ScorpioD, who has just stung the House "—
" The Hon. Viper, whom I do not see in bis place "—
" The Right Hon. Weasel, asleep upon the Treasury Bench "—
" The Hon. and Learned Ear *iy, who has just sat down "—
" The Hon. and Gallant Enid Mouse "—
" The Noble Jackass "—And so forth.

With all modesty we submit the scheme to the fervid imagination
and high ability ot Mb. H. Grattan, who, we hope, will give to the
world a Polite Parliamentary Speaker, affixing to every M.P. the name
that shaT, in the unerring opinion of Mr. H. Grattajj, denote the
senatorial excellence of the newly-christened.

THE POLICE AT THE PLAY.

The Commissioners of the Metropolitan Police have, we perceive,
applied for admissions for two to all the London theatres. '■ A 1 and
fr end'' are to have accommodation in front of the curtain, but it is
not yet arranged what places they are to occupy. We have no doubt
that the best places in the house will be expected to be reserved for
these officials, and we understand that two of the best stalls at the
Opera are already being fitted up for A 1 and his dilettante colleague.

We think a considerable saving might be effected in the expense of
tbe police by turning the free admissions of the force to a profit. We
are sure there are many amateurs who would undertake the police-
man's duty of going to Her Majesty's Theatre, DruryLane, tbe Hay-
market, the Princess's, the Lyceum, the Adelphi, or even Astley's for
nothing, and even pay for the privilege. The necessity for wearing
the official costume for a few hours would be the only disagreeable
part of the arrangement; but as the police will be at a premium when
high consideration like this is shown to them, the coat and striped
wristband will be rather a badge of the amateur than of the salaried
Wno passed from penance to a favourite s hugs, myrmidon. We are certainly tending towards the establishment of a

irom burning Protestants to breeding pugs. ! po]ice who ghall pasg thdr dayg in „ lettered» e„e> and their evenings

a * %L!!fe! iin a state of soft enchantment. The approbation of the police win

soon become essential to the eclat of an opera or play, and the success
of an actor or siDger.

Silly and savage, bigoted and base,
In Punch's Gallery assume tby place ;
France's Third Henry—he who urged, with glee,
The bloody work of St. Barthelemt ;
Whose li'e was an alternate groan and giin,
Now sternest sanctity, now foulest sin.

Anon we find him murdering the Guise
Till, blood begettiDg blood, the hasty knife
Of Jesuit Clement slits that hideous life.
We call our tyrants Neros—Why should Rome

Furnish tbe type ? We might look nearer home. A Tremendous Charge.

A bull, who had been cirrviog everything before him all the way
from Smithfield Market, ran into St. Paul's churchyard, and was
The Dis-united Irishmen. ; taking the shortest steps to enter the Cathedral, when the doorkeeper

had the presence of mind to shut tbe door in his face, and shout,
Mr. M. J. O'Connell said, last week, that, "unfortunately for Ire- " Twopence !" The animal, not having the sum-about him, was obliged
land, it was her curse that her representatives could never agree even j to turn back,
upon matters the most vital." And yet the hon. gentleman is always
clamouring for an Irish Parliament. We can imagine the debates of

that Utopian House of Commons would be interrupted every minute The laclieg 0f Cambridge have opened a subscription of old clothes
by a cry of "Division." Every act would be a Riot Act—and every ; for the relief of the starving Irish. This is one way of trying to give
member would be a Speaker, who would be always intent m catching 1 that unfortUnate people the benefit of all sorts of measures,
somebody's eye. The " voices of the nation " would be continually
shouting, and the echoes of College-green would soon grow hoarse iu
repeating every night the same demand—" Will you plase thrade upon
my coat ?" That would resolve itself into the Great Irish Question—
the only one, we are afraid, upon » hich the representatives of Ireland
would agree.

a bright idea

a title by descent.

The celebrated Aboo Gosh, nicknamed by Eothen and Titmarsh,
" The Father of Lies," has been secretly done away with at Jerusalem.
However, as long as Monsieur Guizot continues Prime Minister of
France, there is no chance of the title becoming extinct.

Libelling a Planet.

A periodical, talking of the new planet, says— "Its circulation is
so sligbt as to be scarcely perceptible, and its powers of attraction are
limited to a very narrow circle." The best nam'? for it, considering
these attractions, would have been the Literary Gazette.

dramatic expenditure.
Mr. Home.—To move for a return of all the sums that are distributed
every night at the Haymarket Theatre, in the School for Scheming.

Vol. 12.

6—1