Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

MISS GRIFFIN'S ESTABLISHMENT FOR YOUNG LADIES.

THIS finishing establishment
for young ladies, not being
conducted on common
principles, has not its va-
cations at the vulgar time
of Christmas or Midsum-
mer. Hence, the examina-
tion of the pupils before
breakinguptook place last
week ; and Miss Griffin,
knowing the great interest
that Punch takes in the
proper education of the
female mind, very hand-
somely sent him a card
and a patent safety cab,
requesting the honour of
his attendance. Now, Miss
Griffin's establishment
is really finishing, its
whole object being to turn
out the fair pupils fully
impressed with the solemn
responsibilities of mar-
riage ; a knowledge of
housewifery and cookery-
being rightly considered
among the most serious.
Thus, Miss Griffin gives practical lectures. Whenever she goes to market she takes a
select class with her, who, by such means, obtain a perfect knowledge of the tenderness of
beef in all its joints, and learn how "to choose fisb," and detect the age of poultry. Some-
thing like a "finished" education this !

We were present at the examination last week, and were delighted with the fluency and
correctness with which nearly all the young ladies answered leading questions on English
Housewifery and Cookery. (M. Soter, by the way, is engaged as the master of French
dishes.) The young ladies were assembled in a row, and tkeir examination gradually rose
from rump-steaks to turtle. It was quite delightful to listen to the silvery voices of the
lovely girls, as they prattled of " ketchup " and " shreds of shalots," and then deepened into
"onions." One young lady carried off as a prize—for fitting prizes were bestowed—a very
handsome silver butter-boat, given as a reward for the admirable manner in which she
described the cooking of a calf's-head, throwing in various original suggestions that proved,
from her intimate knowledge of the subject, she would be a treasure to any man.

Another pupil received half-a-dozen silver skewers for the adroit and elegant way with
which she carved a fowl, making no more of it than if it had been a roasted Cupid.

Another bright-eyed little thing, not above sixteen, "took down" a whole row, getting at
once to the head of the " Pastry " class upon her intimate knowledge of tipsy-cake. The
whole class was at fault as to the relative proportions of brandy with other ingredients,
when she cried out, " Six spoonsfull of the best white," when, as we have said, she took
them all down, and won for a prize a Punch-ladle, with Victoria's face smiling in gold in
the middle of it.

The " Chicken Currie " class was particularly interesting, from the solemnity with which
the examination was carried on. Miss Griffin evidently felt that the eye of Punch was
upon her ; and therefore commenced her interrogatories with beseeming gravity. And the
class—six bouncing girls—felt the presence of their august visitor, and were in a state of
very proper trepidation.

" How to make a chicken currie ?" asked Miss Griffin, in a solemn voice.

" Cut up the chickens raw," said the head girl, " slice shalots—"

" Onions," cried the second.

"Take her down, Miss Briggs," said Miss Griffin, and the first girl was taken down
accordingly.

" Slice onions, and fry both in butter of a fine auburn brown," said the third. " Lay the
joints in a stewpan with veal or mutton gravy, and a clove or two—"

" Clove of what ? " cried Miss Griffin,—and number four was at fault.

" Clove of garlic," shrieked number five ; and of course she took number four down.

And in this way the different classes went through the whole Cookery Book ; winding up
with the "Bishop" and "Grog" class. And we must say it—the progress of the young
ladies as to the mixture of " bishop," " cardinal," and so forth, was delicious to listen to.
The "Grog" class was no less excellent: we must give a sample. It was the "Chicken
Currie " class, again examined.

"Young ladies," said Miss Griffin, " it ought to form the reasonable hope of every young
woman entering upon life, that some excellent, endearing man may think her worthy of
being exalted to the honour of the marriage state. In looking at the various vicissitudes of
this changeful world, every young lady cannot do better than keep her eye wide open to the
probability of the wedding-ring. Now, it is not enough to catch the affection of a husband—
co ; the grand secret is, to hold what you catch. Husbands are like those little delicate

love-birds on sale at the Pantheon ; easy, as I
am told, to cage, but difficult to keep. Now, it
is the weakness of most men to be at times
addicted to spirituous admixtures ; and it would
ill become me, as a teacher of female youth—as
the Principal of the Finishing Housewifery Esta-
blishment, and, as I may say, a Living Guide to
the Marriage Service—to suffer any young
woman to leave my tuition without having
passed her examination as to what I may call
the proper conjugal mixture of brandy-and-
water, and of other grog or grogs." Here-
upon Miss Griffin drew herself up, and
asked, " How to make a Husband a first glass
of brandy-and-water ?"

"Half-and-half," said Miss Briggs ; and Miss
Griffin bowed assent.

"How a second '? "

" Two waters, one brandy," answered number
two ; and all the responses, varying with the
supposed number of glasses, showed equal wis-
dom and foresight on the part of the scholars.

We have not room to dilate upon the "Pick-
ling" class, but we must say, until then we never
saw the latent beauties of cabbage and gherkins.
In brief, we left Miss Griffin's establish-
ment with a still higher appreciation of the
noble qualities of the female mind, when, as
we had witnessed, so beautifully, so wisely
directed.

We shall be happy—in confidence—to send
Miss Griffin's card to every mother interested
in the connubial prospects of—it may be—an
only child.

FRESCOES FOR PARLIAMENT.

Like a number of little children, who, when
they are promised anything new, want to have
immediate enjoyment of the novelty, the Mem-
bers of the House of Lords are anxious to get into
the new building before the walls are dry, and
before the frescoes are even finished. It will be
necessary, therefore, for the artists to work in
the daytime ; and after the Peers have held!
their sittings at night, it is not improbable they
will carry away on their backs the occasional
impress of some historical portrait. We have
no doubt that a good deal of stencilling will be
accomplished on the coats of their Lordships in

this curious manner. We do not know whether
they will be guilty of an infringement of copy-
right, by walkiDg away with a fine proof im-
pression, of their having had a design upon the
picture, or the picture haviDg had a design upon
them, which would be nearly identical. We
seriously warn their Lordships against the
danger of damp houses, and we earnestly re-
commend that one of the prosiest of the Peers
should be requested to go and speak for an hour
a day within the walls, in order to aid in drying
the building.