Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

93

RAILWAYS FOR IRELAND.

ITATION ON AN IRISH RAILWAY.—PASSENGERS WAITING FOR TRAIN.

And whilst this was goiog forward—adds a corre-
spondent of the Atlas—Dumas was revelling with his
friends in a wood, hunting and feasting, the " most
uproarious of them all." And the guests knew " nothing
of the toil and trouble of the nights," when the Demon
was at work.

Now, it has been scandalously reported, and of course
as generally believed, that Alexandre Dumas is only
the Director of a Company of novel-mongers ; and
that what appears under his name is, about nine-
tenths of ir, the work of inferior quills. But then,
Alexandre

" Sheds o'er the page his purity of soul.
Corrects each error, and refines the whole."

This is, of course, the base calumny of base envy-
f»r Dumas says he writes every word with his own
hand; or rather, hands ; for, like Briareus, he has a
hundred of them, and can write with each. How, other-
wise, could he meet the impatience of three horses rt ady
saddled—three grooms ready booted—and the railway,
starting every hour to Paris with copy ? We are sorry
, to be compelled to say it ; but we have it from our
own correspondent, that Dumas has sold himself to the
Printer's Devil, for the use of a hundred hands, with a
pen in each, so many hours every night. Thus, after
While Lord George Bentinck was insisting on the great importance of giving ''is "delightful dinners" at his Pavilion de Henri
Railways to Ireland, without a probability of either goods or passengers to carry, we Quatre at St. Germain—and his " revelling in the-
understand that the terrible example afforded by our own little Kensington Railway \ woods, hunting and feasting "—and his " petits sou-
never once occurred to him. Never shall we forget the impression created by the ' pers " are concluded, he retires to his chamber, and,
opening of that line, where a table of phantom fares might be seen, arrayed for the J
purpose of attracting a purely visionary traffic. Spectral stokers were standing there
■with nothing to stoke ; inspectors were there with nothing but the most dreary look-
out open to their inspection. It was idle to attempt to get up a hectic and feverish
desire on the part of the public to run from the Scrubbs of Wormwood to the
back of the Crescent of Kensington. It Avas a railway without a result—a road
leading from a place where nobody ever was, to a place where nobody was ever going.
It is true that Great Western sagacity discovered that the line only wanted a place
to start ffom, and a place to go to, in order to render it convenient to the public and
profitable to the shareholders.

By adding a hit at both ends, the line which led nowhere and began nowhere, will
be connected with an important link of communication between a flourishing suburb
and the centre of the Metropolis. High beats the heart of Hammersmith, and happy
is Hungerford, at the prospect of their speedy union! But Irish railways would be in
a state of irredeemable destitution ; for extend them as far as you could, it would
be impossible to carry them to a point of profit. Though there was no chance of suc-
cess while the Bush cf the Shepherds remained the terminus of the Kensington line,
■whole flocks will rush to be conveyed upon it when pushed to the Broadway at
Hammersmith.

It is different in Ireland, where every railway must be what our own railway used to
be. The case will indeed be worse, for as the ground is out of cultivation, there is
not a chance of those dividends in the shape of lettuces which used occasionally to
be declared to the shareholders of the Kensington. We shall never forget the ardour
with which, as an original allottee, we exchanged our scrip for some registered sprouts,
without the coupon or stalk, which was left to create a sort of rest for future
produce ; nor shall Ave ever cease to remember our own energetic efforts to get an
extension of the line to Savoy, with a deviation towards Brussels—(sprouts).

taking off his coat, has, for certain hours of the
night, the unlimited use of a whole hundred hands, with
pens, like bread, a discretion.

M. DUMAS, THE LITERARY BRIAREUS.

The Porcupine Man who appeared on the stage of life some years ago, only
shadowed the great coming event—Alexandre Dumas, certainly the greatest hero of
quills yet vouchsafed to the world. The recent trial, in which the literary monster
was proceeded against for breach of supply of foolscap, reveals the tremendous energies
of the man. He haunts the world, a goose-quill demon ! He lives on paper, and
bathes in ink. He writes five feuilletons at a time; that is, afeuilleton with every
right-hand finger. Horses of best blood pant to keep up with him ; and the railway,
stokers heap up coals, and the engineer puts the train to double speed, and all to?
supply the Paris press with the written thoughts of M. Dumas ! Now, for any man-
to do this, to be modest, would be treason to his genius. He knows that he covers the
whole world with a sky of paper, and that all the human race walk only by his light.
Therefore, what would be the grossest impudence in a man of genius, is merely grace
in the Demon of Authors. " Who dare assign a limit to genius ?" asks M. Dumas ;
and, says the report, there is a " movement " among the auditors at the interrogation.
M Dumas engages to supply eighty volumes ; and he supplies them ! Whereupon,
he says, and hardly says enough:—

" The whole Academie together, forty in number, could not have produced eighty volumes in the
time allowedme by my publishers. I had begun five different romances in five different journals. I have
finished them all in the given time, and every word is written by my own hand. [_Oh! Alexandre ! ] I
have done what no man ever did before, and what none but myself can ever do again."

The Demon continues :—

" I have at this moment three horses ready saddled in my stables—three grooms ready booted, ready
tpurred to mount—then the railway going every hour to carry my feuilletons to Paris."

The Water-Gruel System.

The German papers say the King of Prussia has
published his Constitution at a very seasonable period.
The weakness of the Diet is beautifully adapted to a
season of fasting, like Lent. Let us hope that His
Majesty, as soon as he perceives that Prussia is still
suffering under constitutional weakness, will make her
Diet a little stronger. As it is, it really seems as if
he had taken for his recipe the Poor-Law Diet of
England. The strongest microscope would be puzzled
to find anything substantial in the provisions of either.

THE MONIED MONARCH.

The Bank of France has applied to the Bank of
England for a loan. Need its Directors have travelled
so far for assistance ? They seem quite to have over-
looked the hoards of the Tuileries. Surely Louis-
Philippe could have spoken to a friend, who, on the
usual terms of course, could have cashed them a biLV
to any amount.