Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

103

ITALIAN BRIGANDS AND ITALIAN RAILWAYS.

a substratum of bog ; the guard would sit fronting the road side, en-
joying the view and his pipe ; the whistle would never be sounded till
after a collision, on the principle of not crying out before you are hurt;
the coals would be put in the boiler, and the water underneath it ; and
when the train came to a standstill, the engineer would thrash the
engine with his shillelagh. If the Irish could afford to travel by them,
they would certainly reduce the population.

THE PROGRESS OF SONG.

England may now dispute with Italy the claim to the title of the
Land of Song, or rather may be regarded as peculiarly the Land of
Sing-song. The million are undoubtedly music-mad ; and we hope
that, thanks to Mr. Htjllah, the only fanatics of Exettr Hall will soon
be the fanatici per la musica. Society to have taken to singing on all
subjects. The "Ship on Tire" is the theme of a popular ditty, and
by way of a companion to it, we shall no doubt have the " Chimney on
Fire" next. Every trade and profession will have its ballads, and
public discourses will be delivered in recitative at least. Lectures will
become lyrics, and the Mesmerist and Phrenologist will utter crotchets
truly musical, like the gent'eman whose scng and portrait we subjoin ,—

Among the other poetical associations which are being destroyed by
railways, must be ranked the annihilation of the trade of the brigand.
The traveller can no longer hope for the excitement of having a carbine
muzzle brought in contact with his own, or being carried off to the
" mountain home " of a band of bandits, until he obtains his ransom by
a cheque on Ransom's bank, or a draft Coute qui Coute on Coutts's.

We understand that remonstrances are pouring in upon the Pope
from the depredating fraternity; and the following has, we hear, been
addressed to his Holiness by some modern Mazzaroni to the air of—

"Gentle Zitella.

Jollt old fellow,

I have heard say,
The caves where we dwell, Oh !

You 'il soon clear away.
Long we have lived by

Attacking th*»road,
Our end is advancing,

The railway's abroad.
Jolly old fellow, &c.

To the light carriage

The engine adds wings,
'Tis the rude whistle

Defiance that flings.
Horrid old fellow,

Pause, then, I pray,
Ere the railroads have clear'd all

The brigands away.
Jolly old fellow, &c.

THE IDEA OF IRISH RAILWAYS!

Ladies and Gentlemen, this cast displays a combination
Of Benevolence deficient, with excessive Veneration;
Destructiveness is very large, Acquisitiveness ample ;
Of a criminal development this head is an example.

The House of Commons has shown an unusual amount of common Bow, wow, wow !

sense in rejecting Lord George Bentinck's Irish Railway Bill. Our (This man was executed)

senators, however, would have displayed much more of that quality, by \ Bow, wow, wow !

wasting considerably less discussion upon it. An obvious line of argu- j

ment too, which common sense might have suggested against the He committed the atrocity a little boy of killing, m

measure, was wholly overlooked by the House. It was urged, to be Eor a silken pocket-handkerchief, a pencil-case, and shilling

sure, that commerce develops, instead of being developed by railways ;' Eor cruelty he oft was fined—had once been tried for arson ;

but the absurdity of the confusion of cause and effect, which formed But in Newgate was remarkably attentive to the parson,
the basis of the whole scheme, was very insufficiently dwelt upon.! Bow, wow, wow !

Nobody remarked on the singularity of the circumstance that a pro-' (Highly corroborative !)

posal to put the cart before the horse should have emanated from a 1 Bow, wow, wow !

stable mind. It was never observed that to give railroads to Ireland____

would be doing her about as much good as sending her assicttes and
wine-coolers. The House did not bethink itself that it might as well
vote a side-pocket to a toad—a cradle to a Malthusian—as railways to
a country like Ireland.
Above all, the question was not asked, Who would ever venture on

Stoppage In the City.

The civil war that is at present raging in the City has stopped
the Lord Mayor's dinners. Many persons who know the weakness
an Irish railway ? Where was Colonel Sibthorpe ? Even in Eng- • of the Common Councilmen, declare that this stoppage, instead of

land, no prudent person will travel on any line intestate ; and who, for . being the effect of the feuds, is the cause—the real casus belli. We
a moment, would dream of trusting his life and limbs upon an Irish ! cannot believe that an alderman could be the slave of his appetite;
one ? Irish railways! Why, who does not see that an Irish Great ^ but if it is true that the Board is rebellious from being deprived of
Western would run due East—a Midland Counties along the coast ? ; its daily turtle, it will be easy for his lordship, instead of throwing

A passenger booked for Dublin would infallibly find himself at Cork
Gradients would ascend the sides of mountain?, turnings would be
made at angles of- ninety ; one portion of a double line would run

out the bill, to say at the next discussion, " Gentlemen, this bill will
be laid upon the dinner-table, and discussed this day three weeks ;" and
then, if all animosity is removed with the table-cloth, it may be said

within the other ; broken rails would be repaired with flag-stones, that " many persons are led by their noses, but aldermen are led
damaged machinery with bits of string ; sleepers would be planted on by their stomachs.