Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Ho

TO THE NATION.

^---- N many accounts the readers of

\^ Punch— I mean the nation at large
4^\ \ —must have felt gratified at the
\ promptitude w ith wlich the Com-
1 mander-in-Chief has complied
J \ with H. R. H. Prikcb Alberts
^f^J JJ I application on behalf of a deserv-
^vcs^^ / inS Public servant.
k4M\J,-\ / My boy, Albert Ernest Punch,
L^^ ' />3(9 Cn Gent., was gazetted on Friday last
3 Of I -3i to a cornetcy, by purchase, in the
\\h/~D- 122nd Hussars, the Bishop of Os-
/■y> ) S I naburgh's Own, vice Someeset
i ] Y V Snobby, who retires.

L_A^=-----/—... The regiment is at present in

/ ||| Ireland, its head quarters being at
- - i «~ '(tiEf®* liilmichalog, County Kerry

coerce the starving peasantry of Kerry ; or whether a close-fitting suit
of cloth, trimmed with fur, and a bear's-skin muff fur a hat, open at
the top, with a crimson jelly-bag exuding therefrom, is a costume likely
to enhance the comfort of an officer under the broiling sun and heavy
dews of a tropical climate ? No, no ; Albert Ernest has been
imposed upon—nobody but Widdicombe could wear such a Tom-
fool's dress.

THE JEWISH CHAMPION.

racter of Lieut. Colonel Lord
Swishtail, the Commanding Offi-
cer of the 122nd, to whose pater-
nal care Judy and I are about to
confide our darling child, and it
is most gratifying to our feelings
to learn that he stands remark-
ably high at the Horse Guards.
I recollect him at school, t wenty-

Mr. Disraeli has written no les3 than three novels to further the
great cause of Jewish ascendancy, and to prove that the battle of the
Constitution is to be fought in Holywell Street. The clever litterateur
anticipates a golden age, shou'd his views be carried out, but he forgets
that it is, after all, only an age of Mosaic gold that he is contending
for. After reading his last work of Tancrcd, we took quite a fresh
view of all the itinerant sons of Israel whom we met in the streets of
the Great Metropolis. " Look at that old clothes-man," said we to
ourselves; "who would think that the unmixed blood of Caucasus runs
I have made all'the inquiries through the veins of that individual who has just offered us nine-pence
in .my power respecting the cha- i f°r our penultimate hat, and is refusing to give us ten-pence for our

preter-plu-perfect, or rather more than finished and done for, high-
lows ? "

It is evident that Mr. Disraeli has determined in his own mind,
that until there is a Mosaic Parliament, sitting in Rag Fair, the
object of his great mission will be unaccomplished. We shall begin to
suspect that Mr. Disraeli is the poet of Moses and Son's Establish-
ment, and that "Costume Castle" is to be the foundation-stone of a
new Jerusalem, removed from over the way, that is to say, from the
other side of the world, for the convenience of business. The Jews are
five years ago, when he was the 1 sharp fellows no doubt, and many of them are very amiable, excellent
Hon. John Towzle : he was then 1 people ; but we wish Mr. Disraeli would reform the errors of his
merely notorious for being the i tavourite race, before he calls upon us to succumb entirely to its
greatest bully and the most hopeless dunce in his class, but as he has since influence. How is it that Jew-manufactured-clothes always tumble to
passed with much credit through the mysterious alembic of military pieces and wear out in no time ? that pencils purchased of the Jews are
life, and as F. M. the Duke op Wellington informed the civil autho- I ninety-nine parts stick to one part lead ? that oranges bought of the
rities of the ancient town of Ballybunnion, in a terse note—when they | Jews are eleven bad to one good ? that Mosaic jewellery is an imposi-
complained of Lord Swishtail for what they presumed to call his j *i°n altogether ? and that if you give an old coat to a Jew for a canary,
egregious stupidity and brutality during the late food riots—"that the bird is sure to have the pip, the hooping cough, or the mumps ?
Lieet.-Col. Lord Swishtail was one of the most valuable Hussar j How is it that a Jew attorney is the worst of his class ? and a Jew's-
offioers in Her Majesty's service, and that the Commander-in-Chief ! harp a wretched take-in—a miserable lyre ? Why is it that they are
considered the judgment of civilians on military matters as utterly ; always the sons of Israel who call for your broken china to mend, and
worthless," it would be unreasonable in me to doubt a fact so credibly | never bring it back again ? or sell you sets of jugs which you find upon

attested.

I therefore give our rulers great credit for making a first-rate leader
of horse out of such very indifferent materials as big Jack Towzle

using them are full of cracks on which your attention has not at the
first glance been—though the jugs have—rivetted ? When Mr.
Disraeli will clear up these few little matters, outstanding, by no

used to be composed of when he was in the habit of compelling me, by j means on the credit side, in our account with the Jews, we may begin

dint of severe pummelling, to do his exercises for him, and regard
Albert Ernest as truly fortunate in commencing his career under so
renowned a man.

Sir Frederick Trench assures me that he is considered to handle
troops magnificently in the field. The interior economy of his regi-
ment he leaves almost entirely to his adjutant, Lieutenant Nosebag,
an obsolete Peninsular veteran, who keeps it in capital order.

I understand that soon after Lord Swishtail entered the army,
being quartered in Gal way, he accepted the hospitality of the O'Toole
of Ballytoole, whose sister he ultimately married, in a rather myste-
rious manner, after a remarkably brief courtship, even for Conuemara.

to join him in his demand for Mosaic Institutions, to replace those we
at present live under.

DINING BY DEPUTY".

We learn from the local papers, that one day last week, " the Mayor
of Liverpool gave a dinner to the high sheriff, the grand jury, and the
elite of the Bar, on behalf of the Bar." This is certainly a new appli-
cation of the legal doctrine on the subject of principal and agent.
" Qui facit per alium facit per se," is certainly a maxim of the common
They are not happy in their union ; she is much older than he is, and j law ; but as has been well argued by that distinguished junior, Mr.

declares, with some justice, that he is in the habit of being much more | Briefless—" Semble, this doth not apply to dinners, which, as ttiey
affectionate to other people's wives than to her. It is also reported ; include vegetables, certainly savour of the realty, and ought, therefore,
that she has been driven to drink by his uukindness. to have a real savour, which it is confidently submitted said dinner

Probably in consequence of his own experience, Lord Savishtail, had not." How would the Corporation of Liverpool like tbe same plan

with due anxiety for the happiness of his officers and men, discourages
matrimony in his regiment; and is therefore not very solicitous about
the comforts of the ladies who reside in barracks, or the respectability

to be carried out in their own case, and to be feasted by proxy ?

If the Mayor is too great a man to ask the Bar en masse, or
can't afford to dine them all, silk gowns and stuff alike—Mr. Brief-

TURKISH REVOLUTION.

of those who frequent them. Indeed, from what I have been able to ; less, as well as Mr. Leader—we would recommend him in future

learn, I fear that his Lordship considers it soldatesque to be rather j not to disguise the humiliating fact under this Barmecide mockery of

immoral. He has not yet seen any active service, but as he is a good j feeding the unhappy juniors in the persons of their prosperous and

figure, has long black moustachios, swaggers about daily on a great' learned representatives, the Queen's Counsel and Serjeants.

capering horse, is very rich, and has powerful interest at the Horse

Guards, everybody concurs in declaring that he is a very dashing

officer—a man to whom Ministers would look in the event of a war.
********

As I was wri.ing the above, I was interrupted by that foolish boy of The Turkish ambassador—like a gentleman as he is, and in defiance
mine, who has brought home to his mother a picture of Widdicojibe, of the wicked customs of his own country—travel* with only one wife !
when he was a youth, and first presided in Astley's ring, before j The Princess Callimaki, the Turk's lady, with her unveiled face
Georoe the Third and Queen Charlotte. Albert Ernest has ! stared upon by thousands of giaours, was absolutely presented at the
been persuaded by Mr. Ackermann that it represents the uniform of! Queen's drawing-room ! What will be said to this, when known in
his regiment, and purchased it for ten-and- sixpence. the harems of Constantinople ? " My dear," Fatima will exclaim to

The chief^duties of our light cavalry are performed Jn Ireland and j Gulnare, "she was always a bold thing—nevertheless, I am sur-
prised." And Gulnare, with a melancholy turn for humour, will
perhaps observe—" Strange and various is the fate of woman I la
London she is beau-led—in Constantinople she is bow-strung."

in India, and I ask my readers whether it is likely that F. M. the Com
vnander-in-Chief would send young men in red stockinet tights, ara-
besqued before and behind with gold, and yellow hessian boots, to