Punch (12.1847)

176

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

the softest and tenderest manner possible, just oiled it upon the
body—the black and yellow, like grooms' waistcoats—when down it
fell, turned upon its back, and was dead in a minute. ' There, girls,'
said I, ' see what kindness, what a little oil does. Now, here's my
moral and example. When a husband comes home in an ill-humour,
don't cry out and fly at him ; bat try a little oil—in fact, treat your
husband like a wasp.' "

" KILLING A WASP."

OPENING OF THE HOUSE OF LORDS.

Well, the House of Lords is open, and—if we would not have our
heart burst, we must " unpack it," for never was carpet-bag fuller—
and we are disappointed. Be it understood that we are about to find
no fault with Mr. Barky ; and Doctor Reid, having been appointed
door-keeper tD the Temple of the Winds, we shall let him also rest.
Neither shall we drop our bitterness upon the velvet and gilding, and,
like some of our contemporaries, take to pieces Her Majesty's state-
chair, and the chair of Albert, and the stool of the Prince of Wales.
No ; our cause of discontent is larger, weightier, and must give utter-
ance in loudest volume. We are disappointed with the Peers them-
selves ; for they have taken possession of their new abode, and have
failed to give a house-warming ! What luck can hi expected from
their labours ? Such conduct towards the people of England, who
would not have minded payiug a fair price for the treat, put in among
the other estimates, is downright shabby.

And such a pleasant evening might have been spent ! Had the
Lords given due notice of the intended hospitality, we ftel convinced
that distinguished personages—rarely condescending to visit even
Courts—would have honoured the house-warming. Justice, who is
known to have her abode in the skies—coming to this world only upon
great occasions—would no doubt have come with golden scales, and—
(a hiut, this, upon killing)—with her sword in the scabbard, would have
been one of the party. Though blind, an} body would have shown her
the way to the House of Lords ; or, borrowing Cerberus for the
occasion, the faithful dog would have led her there, taking her by the
way to the Courts of Law, which he so well knows ; avoiding Chan-
cery, of course, as too much for her feelings. And it would have been
very pleasant to see Lord Brougham doing the hospitality of the
House to Justice, inviting her to sit upon the wool-ack, and, for a great
treat, sitting himself beside her. This would have been delightful for
the people of England only once to look upon.

And Truth—not, of course, as she appeared in the antique world-
would have been of the party. Appearing in her ancient simplicity,
she would inevitably have caused great offence to many distinguished
noblemen, and would no doubt have been given in charge to the officers
of the House for a misdemeanor ; therefore Truth would have at-
tended in a nice light evening dress, composed of that fine gauze that,
in these days of decency, legal milliners delight to clothe her with*.

And Mercy, and all the Virtues, would have left their skiey home to

pass an evening with the Peers, and to give good augury to their house-
warming.

We should not have been surprised to see Minerva with the Bishop
of London, agreeably chatting, now on the Education Question, and
: now on the Greek metres

I And Mercury, the god of letters, might have taken the Bishop
of Norwich by the button, and, as a great favour, begged to know who
was " the somebody of Leeds," so prettily flouted by the Right
Reverend Prelate. And the Bishop might have lifted his eyebrows,
and vowed he couldn't tell.

Eolus would of course have attended, with a free admission for
himself and party, signed by Doctor Reid.

Mars, in undress uniform, would have begged the Iron Duke to
introduce him to the Marquess of Londonderry, " having been so
much delighted " with his War in the Peninsula I

However, no further to enumerate, it is plain that the Peers of Eng-
land have missed a great opportunity. They might have had all the
Virtues, all the Noble Qualities to grace their house-warming, with the
people of England looking on, and then sitting down to sup. Dancing,
too, might have been kept up until a late hour in the morning. All
this might have been done—and what has been effected ? Nothing.
It is, however, whispered that they intend to invite the kingdom to a
vocal concert performed by themselves, occasionally accompanied by
their own brass band.

BRITANNIA AND The BLACKS.

'; How the blacks fly ! " may well be the exclamation of any one who
now visits the metropolis, for the Ethiopian mania has brought down
upon London a shower of blacks, which, though destined to end in
smoke and be carried off into thin air, must be considered just now a very
disagreeable nuisance. The raising of the wind will alway s bring down
the blacks rather unpleasantly, and they are now brought under our
noses, forced before our eyes, and driven into our ear3, by the tremen-
dous puffs that circulate on all sides of us.

If any of those geniuses who undertake to cure smoky chimnies,
however bad they may be, would endeavour to get rid of the blacks
that darken the atmosphere of the world of amusement in London, a
great boon would be conferred upon Society. We may, however, hope
that there will very soon be a change in the wind, for the breath of
public approbation does not always lie in the same direction, and when
the object is worthless the current of air is very likely to shift suddenly
round j which is the result that, with reference to the present glut of
Ethiopians, we may every day anticipate.