Punch (12.1847)

206

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE NEW HOUSE OF LORDS.

Etery day's experience proves the important fact, that the new
House of Lords is built in such fearful defiance of acoustic principles,
that hearing has become a very difficult operation, instead of—as it
used to be when nonsense was being talked—a very painful one. Some
of the finest bursts of oratory are now doomed to become lost in the
regions of space ; for there is something in the construction of the
building that macadamises sentences the moment they are uttered,
breaking them up into little bits, and frittering them away in the fret-
work of the mediaeval tracery of the ceiling. If a peer raises his voice
to its highest pitch, it is ten to one that his nominative case will find
its way to the clock, his adjective will stick fast in the hangings of the
throne, his verb will drop down upon the floor, his accusative will whiz
out through the door, and nothing but his vocative will, perhaps, reach
the Reporters' Galleiy. As it is exceedingly undesirable that so much
aristocratic eloquence should be entirely lost, some ingenious indi-
vidual has it in contemplation to introduce a system of telegraphic
signals, by which their Lordships may hold a debate in dumb show or
pantomime. The difficulty of making any audible comment upon a
speech, as it proceeds, has suggested the use of a variety of gestures,
by which it will be possible to indicate the usual emotions that their
Lordships are in the habit of expressing.

We furnish a few specimens for immediate use; and if they are found
effective, we shall be happy to supply a more
elaborate batch for general purposes. A cry of
" hear " is one of the most constantly-recurring
Parliamentary shouts; and this we propose to
express by means of something like the accom-
panying attituae.

When a member would express doubt and as-
tonishment at the remarks of another, we fancy
the purpose would be easily
answered by an excessive
opening of both eyes, and a
raising of the arms with an air of bewilderment.

The different degrees of assent might very well
be exhibited by means of the umbrella, with
which several of their Lordships go already pro-
vided ; or, there might be an umbrella-stand for
the general use of the House, to which any peer might

NEW MUSICAL PRODIGY

Eveby one is tired of the Ethiopians, and we get so angry as nearly
to turn black in the face whenever we hear them mentioned. Some-
thing, then, is wanted, of an entirely novel kind, to replace the void
which will, we hope, be soon occasioned by the clearance of Ethiopians
from the face of the town, upon which they remain at present like a
dark spot that has hitherto defied the soap of injudicious praise, and
the scrubbing-brush of harsher criticism. We propose, therefore, to
effect a cure of the prevailing epidemic by establishing a sort of counter-

resort on his wishing to give either a modified or an entire I ' irritant; and we have therefore invented a species of piano, which can be

assent to another's proposition. The modified assent T simultaneously played and danced upon by any infant prodigy who is

could be easily conveyed by holding the umbrella in the 1 j in want of a job ; and as several of them have been for some time out of

manner shown in the illustration ; while an entire assent, I I work, there will be no difficulty in finding one to execute the task

or perfect opening of the mind to B for which she is required. Our piano will have its keys elongated and

conviction, would require nothing
more to give it expression than an
unfurling of the parapluie, with an
abandon proper to the sentiment of
confidence.

A mere protest of a difference of
opinion should be represented as
h coming from the heart, and a touch

' of indignation should be adroitly thrown into it.

There would be, perhaps, a little of the "more in
sorrow than in anger" in the gesture above de-
scribed ; but this is an improvement upon the more
offensive mode of protesting that sometimes pre-
vails among their Lordships. Dissent and defiance
will perhaps require somewhat more elaborate

action, but the mode of expressing the latter is gt piano we have invented ! We beg leave to warn the world that we

perfectly obvious. A^SsF claim this invention as our own patent. It is true we do not yet know

A demand for " order " would be doubtless one Wk \ now tne instrument is to be made ; but the idea is ours, and if any one

of the most constantly-recurring proceedings of Wr ' dares t0 make use of it, we will bring down upon him the power of an

the Upper House ; and for this i Hp injunction, and the just indignation of the Right Honourable Lobd

we propose to provide by a ' JtSS&A. ■ Cottenham.

motion, after the fashion which
the annexed engraving indi-
cates. Europe's Uncle.

We trust that some influential

widened to such an extent as to form a sort of stage or platform, upon
which the prodigy will execute a solo, combining a dance and its appro-
priate accompaniment in the same movement.

The prodigies already performed by the fingers will be arranged for
the toes, and some of the most difficult pieces of Hekz will afford ample
opportunity for that activity of caper and energy of entrechat that the
danseuset of the present day are so anxious to cultivate. For the
benefit of the classical virtuosi, who love to be lulled to sleep by bits of
Sebastian Bach, there can be performances arranged to include selec-
tions from his fine old lugubrious Op. 86—a title suggestive of the
most vigorous imagination and large clusters of masterly masses of huge
scholarship. How the admirers of the Razumousky quartette in F,
which sent the Musical Union into fits of passionate ecstasy lately,
with its graphic bit of contrapuntal colouring in A, ten flats—how
would these dilettanti enjoy this composition, danced deliciously off the

peer will bring our code of signals before the at- Empeeor of Russia, in the kindest spirit, is lending money to

tention of their Lordships at the v every country whose affairs happen to be in an embarrassed state. We

first convenient opportunity and advise his Russian Majesty (if it is necessary to advise one who knows

we have little doubt that the now t0 1°°^ after his own interest) to hang out in front of his palace

scheme will be adopted with ge- B a at St. Petersburgh the emblem of his new profession—the three balls—

n< ral cheering and loud cries"of £ w 3^ aD(^ to UP tne usual inscription, "Money Advanced to ant

" Brn vu !'" ^Iffitr Amount." We should excessively Jike to see one of the imperial tickets.

This reminds us that our code Duc we suPPose we shall be able to buy up one shortly for a very small

of signals comprises none for the expression of this Ifft ffilLrii figure at Debenham's sales of " Unredeemed Pledges."
ecstatic delight; and we therefore conclude by offering

tne drawing annexed, as a design tO be followed J*(k Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 6, York Place, Stoke Newin^ton, aDd Frederick Mullett Evans,

when wisrnno- to ninu cvnmaclnr, f« „ 1 j ^^^^^ of No. 7. Church Row, Stoke Newinsrton, both in the Countv or Middlesex, Printers, at their Office,

<7"D ,„ Dg t0 glVe exPreSS10n tO a loud Cry of— J( m Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by them,

fcSravo I , I ^ at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride's, in the City of London.—Satu*dat, Mai 16th,