Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

235

QUEEN CHRISTINA ON VESUVIUS.

Her feline Maiesty Christina—ex-queen of Spain, and connubial
Messing of the Dure de Rianzares—has by this time reached her
destination. It is not generally known that she is about to pass the j
■summer on Mount Vesuvius. At a consultation of the Faculty—
'■affectionately ordered by Loots-Philippe—it was concluded that the
atmosphere of Paris was much too cold for Her Majesty ; who was
thereupon advised to try a sulphur air, as more congenial with her
ardent temperament. Having successfully lived through so many
Spanish intrigues, it was thought that Vesuvius alone would be of
enduring service to Her Majesty. Whereupon, Louis-Philippe—only
too happy to carry out the advice of the physicians—immediately
sent an order to Birmingham for the construction of an iron house, to
be screwed together and put up on the volcano, for the residence of
her salamandrine Majesty. The tenement was manufactured with that
despatch which characterizes the men of Birmingham ; and—accord-
in? to last advices from our correspondent—was carried, piecemeal, on
the backs of mules, to the selected site, and immediately erected. Its
■site is as near as is possible to the brim of the great crater ; so that
Her Majesty may have the lulling sound of the ashes and pumice
falling upon the roof of her abode, and also enjoy that brimstone
atmosphere which her long political life has made so essential to her j
daily comfort. Volcanoes, however, are apt to be deficient in courtesy i
even to crowned heads : for we are told, that no sooner was it known j
throughout the depths of the fiery regions, that Christina of Spain
was about to become his lodger, than old Vesuvius grumbled amazingly.
He was doubtless afraid that his own brimstone would be no match for
the article of Queen Christina.

ENGLISH AUTHORS—AMERICAN BOOKSELLERS.

*' Viscount Palmerston to the Right Hon. R. Pakenham,
English Ambassador to the United States.

*' Sir,—In your relation with the United States of America, you
are to consider yourself directed to urge upon the Government the
claims of English authors and English artists upon the American
people. Her Britannic Majesty, as mother of the British nation, and
-nurse of letters and arts, has for some years contemplated, with con-
siderable pain, the manifold wrongs endured by her faithful subjects
at the hands of their transatlantic Saxon brethren. Various
American periodicals have been brought under Her Majesty's notice,
purporting to have for their object the robbery of her faithful
subjects ; and this, in utter violation of the spirit of international law
as established among civilized nations.

"You will be pleased to urge upon the American Cabinet, that
whereas pirates issuing from American ports, and professedly American
subjects, would—if captured in their attempt to seize the vessels of
British subjects—be hanged forthwith; so should a like condign
punishment be visited upon the pirate behind the counter—" the land
Tat," who seizes upon the venture of the British author. Indeed,
piracy by sea is, as it appears to Her Majesty, a somewhat less
iniquitous practice than the buccaneering of booksellers. Sailing with
'a trade wind,' and no ingenuous flag—a Death's-head and cross-bones
proper, in a field of black—they mercilessly rob miserable men of their
brains, remorselessly putting them all to the dollar. You will,
therefore, be pleased to urge upon the American Government that this
practice—so scandalous to the boasted civilization of the age—can no
longer be endured by Her Britannic Majesty ; who justly considers
such an offence, committed by the American people on their own
kindred, speaking the like mother tongue, as an additional outrage on |
the principles of common honesty.—Cain added atrocity to his crime
when the victim was his brother.

" If—as it may be urged by the American Government—it shall be
pleaded that the custom of stealing English letters and English art is
so long established that it is looked upon as one of the dearest privi-
leges of the American people,—you are then instructed temperately,
but firmly to decline all further correspondence with the American
Cabinet, and to immediately repair on board the Chesapeake frigate,
that carries out this despatch.

" No less than six engravings—six different portraits of Prince Al-
bert—have been pirated by American printsellers, to the great pain
•of Her Majesty, aud of Prince Albert in particular ; whohas failed ]
to recognise, in the pirated prints, that heroic look and true military j
bearing that have endeared him to the country, as one of her best- \
painted, and best-engraved, Eield-Marshals.

"In conclusion, you are to energetically urge upon the Government
the opinion of Her Britannic Majesty, that all pacific relations
between America and England must cease, unless the pirated plates
aforesaid (with all the impressions of H. R. H. Prince Albert, Field-
Marshal, Chancellor of Cambridge, Hat-maker to the Horse-Guards,

Beadle of Windsor Park, Lord High Admiral of the Fleet, and one of
the Chief Justices in Eyre.) be forthwith delivered into your hands,
preparatory to the passing of an international law of copyright. And
these shall be your instructions.

"Receive the assurance of my consideration,

"Palmerston,"

" To the Rt. Hon. R. Pakenham."

AMERICAN BOOKMAN SCALPING AN ENGLISH AUTHOR.

Cf)e Serpentine ISatiiers anti tfje Superior ffilasses.

To Mr. Punch.

" Sir,

" I observe that an individual has written a letter to the Times,
to complain that people are not allowed to bathe in the Serpentine
until after the hour of eight in the evening. I want to know why they
should go to bathe in the Serpentine : why do they not go to some
hotel for their baths ; for..instance, to the Old Hummums ? Oh ! but
perhaps I shall be told that such persons cannot afford to go to the
Old Hummums, and that the Serpentine is the only place they have to
bathe in. That may be ; and I grant that there is danger in going into
cold water late in the evening. But what is to be done ? The writer
in the Times recommends, in plain terms, that the frequenters of the
Ring should go away earlier. Yes ; but he forgets that this arrange-
ment would interfere with our dinner hours.

" It may be inconvenient to the populace to bathe after sunset, but
so it is to us to dine by daylight. Perhaps bathing in the Serpentine
might be permitted in the morning until twelve or one o'clock. But
this would incommode some of us whose medical attendants have
prescribed early rising. On the whole, M*>\ Punch, I think, after all,
that the wisest course would be to prevent the people from bathing in
the Serpentine altogether—by providing baths and wash-houses for
the labouring classes. I never before saw the wit of your advocacy of
those institutions, but I now agree with you decidedly.

" Your occasional admirer,

" May Fair."

The Open Sea Blocked. Up.

The number of ships going to the Black Sea to load with corn, is
said to be so great that it is quite difficult to get along the Archipelago,
in consequence of the crowd of vessels. The Sea of Marmora has all
the appearance of Fleet Street at four o'clock in the afternoon ; and
the marine police have as much as they can do to prevent obstruction
to the oceanic thoroughfare. Rules, we believe, have been laid down,
that in taking up, figure-heads are to be turned towards Russia, and
ships are then to drive off in the direction of the Dardanelles.

SAINT NAPOLEON.

The Corsican—say the French papers—is to be promoted to the
Calendar. Of course he will be canonized by—forty-two pounders.