Punch (12.1847)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

255

HALE! HALE!—ALL HALE!

Every odg knows that Hail is in its nature a fluid that derives substance from its excessive
coolness ; and the clerical Hale, whose career illustrates the fact that " it never rains but it
pours.'' is a living proof of extreme coolness giving substance to an otherwise somewhat
insignificant panicle.

HaviDg compared the Reverend Archdeacon Hale to an object in nature, we may be
excused for likening him to an object of art, with which most of our readers are, no doubt,
familiar. He is a sort of Eevererjd Seven in One—an article shaped like an apple, but which,

when opened, shows another apple underneath, and the fruit is so frequentlv multiplied that
an iavoluntary exclamation of " Go it my pippin ! " escapes our lips as we find a succession
of pippins one after the other present themselves. Thus, in examining one of the largest
specimens of the fruits of church patronage, which looks sufficient of itself to satisfy an
extravagant appttite, we find a great deal of " that within which passeth show ; " for, as we
remove each layer of ecclesiastical dignity, we find something else beneath, but every good
thing that; reveals itself has Hale in the middle of it. We never knew a man so capable of
pairing off with himself as the Reverend individual alluded to.

BRASS-BAND SERENADERS.

The Daily News informs us that a party of
sixteen gentlemen, members of the German Vocal
Club, repaired to Miss Lind's residence at
Brompton, and executed several beautiful sere-
nade airs in a very superior and musician-like
manner. Our contemporary must be mistaken.
These gentlemen were surely not vocalists, but
instrumental performers; and there must have
been much brass even in the band that could
presume to play in Jenny Lind's hearing. To
give Jenny Lind music, is pretty much like pre-
tending to make jokes for the amusement of
Punch, or carrying coals to Newcastle. We would
recommend Jenny Lind to keep a policeman
on her premises, who would compel any indi-
viduals indulging themselves in airs under her
window, to perform the best movement they could
possibly be capable of—that of moving on.

Zoological Intelligence.

The recent death of the elephant at the Zoo-
logical Gardens in the Regent's Park, has caused
a vacancy at that establishment which will not
be filled up very easily. The late elephant was
highly respected by all the fellows of the Society.
He has left no property behind him, for his trunk
has been diligently searched, and nothing what-
ever has been found in it. We are told that
there are two or three candidates already in the
field, with the view of offering themselves to fill
up the gap occasioned by the demise of the great
ci eature whose decease has recently happened.

<©ut Committee on tf)e (STijamcB) Kauigatton Hatojs.

While the House of Commons has its Committee sitting on the
General Navigation Laws of the country, we have issued our com-
mission to inquire into the more limited, but yet vitally important
subject of these laws, as they affect the Thames, its craft, and the
persons engaged on board of them.

The most valuable results have been arrived at in the course of the
inquiry, as may be seen from the subjoined extracts from the mass of
evidence.

John Jiggers, Captain of the Minnovj half-penny steamer, examined.—Is
aware of the existence of laws for the Thames navigation. Takes the
right-hand going down, and the left coming up. Understands the prin-
ciples of navigation ; means by them the signs for " Back her," " Ease
her," " Stop her." Has been in the habit of running down funnies, occa-
sionally. Can't see how it can be helped. It's no use starboarding or
porting the helm to get out of their way. They always do what you
do. Suppose it's the desire of imitation, because they naturally think
you must be right. Believes the navigation might be improved by
taking away the Bridges ; this would give increased employment to
the steam-boats in conveying people across, and save the time now spent
in lowering funnels. Thinks the increased use of steam-boats the I
great thing to be desired. Does not consider half-penny steamers
unsafe, except in holiday times. They may be rather crowded on
Easter-week and about Whitsuntide. If people go a pleasuring, thinks
they like a crowd going down the river. Disapproves of any inter-
ference with the numbers to be carried. It would be contrary to the
principle of self-government to confine them. Never takes more than
he has standing room for. Sir Peter Laurie is in the habit of going
by his boat. Has heard him talk about self-gover.nment.

Thomas Drysalter examined.—Is a clerk in an establishment in
Thames Street. Is a member of several boating clubs. Spends his
holidays on the water. Flatters himself he knows the river. Star-
board and larboard are words used on the river. Has heard them often
used on board the steamers, and has used them himself. Does not
attach distinct ideas to them, but steers according to the circumstances
of the case. Has not been run down lately. Cannot swim. Battersea
Reach is considered dangerous when the wind is fresh. Perhaps it
may be dangerous when the oarsmen are fresh also. It is a law of the
river to get drunk at Avis's after a boat-race. Considers that the great
thing to be desired is the doing away with the steamboats ; they cause
a swell, and are very dangerous to rowing boats. The directions
given from them are seldom intelligible. Would have them kept to
the middle of the river, like omnibuses. The funnies and gigs should
be considered as foot-passengers. Has his life insured in the Pelican.

Did not mention that he was in the habit of going on the river when
he effected the insurance.

James Mudlark, examined.—Is a waterman. Gets his living by going
off to gents, that go overboard. Has picked up a tidy lot. Finds they
can't often get their hands into their pockets when out of the water.
Thinks a material that won't shrink should be used for boatiog-
trowsers. Steamers ought to be encouraged. Many honest men, like
himself, would lose their bread if it warn't for the steamers. Is sorry
to say they are getting more cautious. Hasn't had a jolly good accident
these six weeks. Means, by a jolly good accident, an eight run down,
when the gents, are in liquor, and pay handsomely : or a pleasure-boat
capsized, with females on board. Always makes a point of landing
femalts first. Doesn't see what is to become of him if people learn to
swim. Life-preservers are all humbug. Would sooner trust to a
waterman himself.

MIR-ABILE DICTU.

A French paper, Le Bicn Public, tells us that there has been lately
seen twice, a splendid mirage at Macon. We don't know what our
Gallic contemporary may call a splendid mirage, but Sir Peter
Laurie is ready to lay a bet that nothing in France can equal the
mir(e)age in the neighbourhood of Smithfield Market. (Oh /)

A. Motto for tne Statue.

" Here we go up, up, up ;
Here we come down, down, down."

Such ought to be the lines engraven on the pedestal about to be pre-
pared for the Statue. However illustrious the Duke may be by his own
deeds, there is no doubt that no one can be more indebted to his descent
than the Hero of Waterloo.

A SAD TRUTH.

Of all kindnesses it must be confessed that lending books is the one
which meets with the least return !

(Communicated by a gentleman ivho has only the third volume of Guy
Mannering left out of the entire Waverley Novels, which he once possessed"

NOT SUCH FLATS AFTER ALL.

The Sandwich people intend, it is said, to elect a son of the Ddke
of Newcastle as their representative. If all is true that we have
heard of the independent electors, there is no doubt that Sandwich
knows very well on which side its bread is buttered.