Punch (14.1848)

38

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Join villt. uytkhe. channu. vweicners Mmmn . moBiE,, trjvNCH.

^Finis .Hemi yeFioche jsre S'EEWE-LEAV/NGE IftCOWTWE /M haste:

Then straighte yc armie started ;
Joinville, ye lion-hearted,
Standing over ye false stoker,
Armed with an engine poker,
Readie at once to kille him
If he tried to smashe or spille 'em.

And as ye armie past,

Y' sheepe arjd cows, aghaste,

Stared over yc embankmente,

As wondering whatte each ranke meant ;

And ye rusticks, in amazemente,

Looked on from cottage casemente,

Or paused at spade and ploughe,
With a " Dang it, what's uppe now ? "
Such was ye consternation
Caused by ye Frenche invasion,
Till they reached, withe exultation,
Ye London Bridge, its station.

it

LOOKING-GLASSES FOR BIRDS.

" Mr. Punch,

" Being descended in a right flight from the Tom-tit of iEsop,
I inherit the like faculties possessed by my immortal ancestor. Thus
I am frequently called upon to take, from the top of a house, a bird's-
eye view of Punch lying mthe opposite bookseller's window, and, to the
delight and improvement of my feathered friends, to chirp a translation of
its admirable contents. I can assure you, Mr. Punch, that the sparrows
living in the volutes and cornices of Apsley-House have been mightily
pleased with your various remarks upon the French Invasion ; and,
tickled by their fun, have chirped and chirped the matter over, even to
the disturbance of his Grace, time out of mind an early riser. All
this, however, by the way. My present purpose is to reply to a very
foolish paragraph—taken from the Gardeners' Chronicle—about 'looking-
glasses for birds.' The writer says—

' The tom-tits attacked my Sechel pears, to which they seemed very partial ; a bit
of looking-glass suspended in front of the tree, put a stop to the mischief. My grape*
were next much damaged before they were ripe, by thrushes and starlings ; a piece of
"looking-glass drove these away, and not a grape was touched afterwards.'

" Good Mr. Punch, don't believe a word of it. The male birds are,
it is true, made shy by the glass; but where the mirror scares awav
one male, it attracts at least twenty hens. I do assure you, Sir, if this
fashion becomes general, if people go on hanging looking-glass about,
their fruit-trees, there will be a double calamity. In Ihe first place, all
the fruit for the next season will be devoured by the hen-birds brought

_^ ^^s^^^fe-==^^^s^^^ to the trees by the mirrors; and secondly, they will be so much occu-

< ^ pied looking at themselves, preening their feathers, and taking attitudes

et-^'^^^^Sj an(j graCes in the looking-glasses, that their nests will be imperfectly

built, their eggs half-addled, and such young nestlings as are bred will
Been jro the Play much these Holidays, Fred?" be shamefully neglected by their maternal parent.

" Mr. Punch, man behaves very unfairly to us poor birds in this his
last device. We know that we are hatched to undergo the risk of
bird-lime, of net, and trap, and gun : this is our fate, and we submit to
it. Kill us, if you like, but do not deprave our manners. Shoot us, if
you can, but at least do not introduce into the commonwealth of birds
that too-frequent disturber of the peace of human families, a looking-
glass.

" Aw-1 went the other NlGHT. BUT, aw-1 Don't know-somehow

Pantomimes are not what they used to be in my time ; and as for the

(rURLS, there Wasn't a good-looking one in the house."

New Patent-Interesting to " Silk Gowns."

nA^P? curious and perfect invention has recently been patented by
the Admiralty. Its object is to obliterate from the memory all or any
facts that may have been sedulously stored up within it for three years
and more, leaving the mind, with relation to such facts, a pure sheet of
law-paper. It may then take register of facts of a contrary tendency, to
be used against the forgotten memoranda. The invention has been
tried upon a distinguished gentleman, it is said, with perfect success:
a success that will be made triumphantly manifest in the forthcoming
trial, BraoN v, Denman."

" I remain, your Bird's-eye Reader,
" Cherry-Tree.____ Tom-Tit."

credit at oxford.

Nothing can more strikingly prove the scandalous readiness with
which eredit is given at Oxford, than the fact that the Bishop op
Oxford long got credit there for straightforwardness and sincerity.