Punch (14.1848)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 225

THE BUMBLE LETTERS.

tjnch makes no apology for
printing the subjoined truly
British correspondence, which
mast come home to British
businesses and British
bosoms, especially those
whose flame of patriotism has
been kindled at the altar of
Parochial Independence, now
that the sacred principle of
self - government seems in
danger from the centralising
efforts of a set of humbugs
and jobbing place-seekers.

From Mb. Jeremiah Bum-
ble, {Attomey-at-Law, Poor-
Law Guardian, Alderman,
Clerk to Paving and Light-
ing Commissions, Member of
Market, Toll, and Sewerage
Commissions, and Chairman
of Gas and Witer Companies,
grc., $fc., Sfc., forthe Borough
of Great Muddlewick,) to

QuiNTTJS curttus pure-

foy, Esq., M. P. for the
same Borough.

" Dear Sir,

"A meeting was held
in the Board-room of the
Union, on Saturday last, and
most respectably attended.
Indeed, there was hardly a
single individual, bearing
either borough or parochial
office, who did not muster on
the occasion, to defend that
noble principle of self-govern-
ment, which is rooted in the
Saxon bosom, and for which

our ancestors bled freely in the field, and frequently on the scaffold. We all feel this to be a very critical
moment in history. When old-established empires are going right and left, and the most respectable
commercial firms smashing daily round about us, when Royalty is reduced to plain joints, and exiled
Ministers drive about in hack-cabs, how can we expect that our time-honoured parochial institutions
should escape the shock ?

"Even in this favoured borough, where we are blessed with a Corporation (whose Charter dates from
Edward the Second), a noble Charity School, educating six poor boys gratis, and affording an income
of five hundred a year to the Reverend Master, with every department of municipal administration
superintended by its own Board, there are not wanting mischievous and revolutionary spirits. Lampoons,
reflecting upon several leading members of the Town Council, have been openly affixed on the Town
Pump. Grimes, the shoemaker (who, you may remember, has always voted lor the Radicals), has got
portraits of the infamous O'Connor, Jones, and Cuitey exposed to view in his shop-window, and his
wife has been heard to recommend physical force. The one-legged pensioner in the alms-house has
been tampered with, and fraternises with Grimes over the Northern Star, in the Magpie and Stump on
Saturday evenings. But that is not the worst. Open enemies of the Constitution we could meet.
I know we can rely upon the Special Constabulary, in case of any frantic attempt at violence. But
what we have much more to fear from, is the insidious spirit of centralisation. There are not wanting,
even in the parochial camp, traitors who support the odious and abominable Health of Towns Bill!
It is in vain to direct the eyes of these misguided men to our venerable Corporation. They point to the
dirty little children dabbling in the open sewer, which, by the way, is mentioned rather curiously in
the Corporation Records, An. 1514, as—' Ye foule ditche, whereoute, this yeare, a marvellouse ill stenche
y-cominge did breede a sore sicknesse whereof died xl soules.' In vain I have pointed out to them, again
and again, the offices to be created by the Bill, and asked them if they did not smell a rat ? One of
them, in reply, impudently alluded to the offices which the Bill would abolish, and declared he could
smell nothing but the gully-hole under the Board-room window. (It is rather strong.) But the authorities
of Great Muddlewick, I flatter myself, are strong enough to keep down these sanitary gentry—insanitary
I call them—who are anxious to put their own necks and ours under the yoke of a despotic government.

" The Corporation are united to a man. Eortunately most of the Town-Council are in one or other
of our four local Commissions, and several upon all four. As we elect each other, we can easily exclude
these Health of Towns humbugs. The poor are perfectly contented, and I am certain that the most
vigorous resistance would be made to any attempt at removing the pig-sties and midden-steads in
the Low Row, where the Irish live, who have come here to work at Dizzy's cotton-mill. They give
us a good deal of trouble, and keep the Fever Hospital pretty full. Indeed, we have not been free from
typhus this summer ; but what can be expected from the filthy habits of these wretched creatures ?
_ " There has been a great stir making by the centralising party about Baths and Wash-houses. It is
ridiculous to call upon the rate-payers for any such stuff. The people won't wash themselves now,
when water is difficult to come at, and a good scrubbing a kind of luxury. What will they do, I
wonder, if we bring soap and water to everybody's door ? As they very sensibly remark, " Dirt keeps
'em warm." The Master of the House tells me he has the greatest trouble to get the paupers into
the cold bath as it is—especially the old women, in the winter mornings. How, I should like to know,

' are persons of this class to be coaxed
into bathing of their own accord?
Besides, ain't the rates heavy enough
already, with four hundred in the
House, and two thousand getting
relief out of it ? But experience and
common sense are all thrown away
upon the misguided advocates of the
Sanitary (!) Humbug. I don't reason
with them now, as I don't find it does
them any good.

" Of course we look to you to ex-
press to the House the feelings of
your constituency on that atrocious
measure, the Health of Towns Bill.
In case of a dissolution, no supporter
of such a measure could show his
face on the hustings of Great Mud-
dlewick, with the least prospect of
success. Our Local Boards, you are
aware, include the most inlluential
gentlemen and men of business of the
town. They are for self-government
to a man; so are all the parish trades-
men, and the various and numerous
respectable contractors employed by
the Paving and Lighting, the Market
and Sewerage Commissioners, and
most of the large Shareholders in
the Gas and Water Companies. You
are aware that I command the votes
of at least twenty ten-pounders, who
occupy houses in the two streets I
have built on my Swamp-hollow
property, which have let extremely
well.

" I have the honour to remain,
" Dear Sir,

" Faithfully yours,

" J. Bumble."

q. C. Purefoy, Esq., M.P.,
&c, &c, &c.

A SHOWER OF NEWSPAPERS.

The French Revolution has not yet
produced a poet, or a painter, or an
historian, or even a cook, or a dancer.
It has scarcely produced anything,
excepting a loss of 1,000,000 francs, in
carrying out M. Louis Blanc's
favourite, but rather expensive
scheme about labour. It seems as
if there was a conspiracy against the
Revolution, to prevent its being pro-
ductive in any way. Yet we are libel-
ling it in saying that it has not pro-
duced anything, for our library table
is groaning, as no table in the literary
or fashionable world ever groaned
before, under a weight of newspapers,
which have been laid upon it since the
" political horizon" has been thrown
open to competition by the removal
of the newspaper stamp. The Revo-
lution has produced 117 new journals !
The Trees of Liberty have been most
prolific since they have been planted,
for their branches have been covered
with newspaper leaves, if with nothing
else. It is lucky this accumulation
of newspapers has not lately increased,
or else we should have had "Every
Frenchman his own Editor." Where
the readers, much less the subscribers,
come from is a mystery—only that is
a question that rarely enters the head
of a person about to start a new
paper. France seems to be news-paper
ridden. Waste paper must be uncom-
monly cheap at Paris!

Vol. 14.

3