Punch: Punch (15.1848)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

most affectionate parent, and the sacrifices he has made for his family
no one can tell "but himself—which he does upon every possible
opportunity. He grows tired of answering letters, and as for giving
the name of his solicitor, he hates the law too much to do it. He meets
a bill and a bailiff with equal horror; but does not care much for either,
if he can only be sure of a "good long run."_ He is very sensitive
about the left shoulder, going off, like a hair-trigger, at the slightest
touch. His great day is Sunday. He is then everywhere—in the Park
especially—and any one to see him would imagine " he could look
the whole world in the face, and defy any one to say he owed him a
shilling." He is brave, too, during Vacation. He is very intimate with
the law, and has a profound respeet for the Statute of Limitations; but
thinks England not worth living in since the County Courts Act. He
carries his antipathy, indeed, so far as to run over some fine morning
to Boulogne and never coming back again, leaving all his property,
though, behind him in a carpet-bag replete with bricks. There his
first care is to cultivate a mousfache, and to procure new clothes, new
dinners, fresh victims. He is always expecting a remittance by the
next post. His bankers, however, are very remiss, and he is lodged at
last by his landlord in the Hotel d'Angleterre—in plain English, the
prison. He only asked for time, and at last he gets more of it than he
likes, for he is locked up for two or three years in jail, unless he is very
lucky and is liberated by a Revolution. He disappears no one knows
where. His friends wonder what has become of him, till there is a
vague report that he has been seen as an attache to one of the gaming-
houses about Leicester Square, or, if he is tolerably well off, that he
has been recognised on the road to Epsom, driving a cab, with a large
number (say 2584) painted upon it.

The Model Debtor is honest at last, for he has arrived at that stage
of life at which no man will put any trust in him. He pays his way—
turnpikes included—and does not overcharge more than what is perfectly
Hansom. He pays ready money for everything, even down to the
waterman on the cabstand, and gives himself out as "a gentleman who
has seen better days." His great boast, however, is that all through
the ups and downs of his racketty career, he never left unpaid a single
debt of honour. Doubtlessly, this is a great source of consolation
to the numerous tradesmen to whom he never paid a penny !

of tightness remaining ? But not quite so bad as when I last saw you ?
And your Machinery acts well ? But you have not quite regained the
use of your Hands ? Cramped stilL I see. Bat you will get the better
of that by and by. Come, come! We must open the ports, and stimulate
the raw material—a—and give you a little discount—and you must keep
up your confidence—and—a—my quarter's salary? Thank you—and
we shall be all right in a little time.

THE BUONAPARTIST PRESS.

MATERIALS FOR A FUTURE EMPEROR.

The Buonaparte mania that has lately burst out in France, has
WANT PLACES . developed itself in the form of a flood of newspapers, emanating from the

AS EMPEROR, OR PRESIDENT, in a place where a large Standing press under all sorts of names, purporting to furnish some reminiscence
Army is kept, by a young man, of Imperial principles, who can be well recom- j of the old original Emperor There are already the Redingote Grise (the
mended-by himself, is willing to revive the glories of the Empire, and to make j Grey Great-coat), and a variety of others; but we miss the Tabatiere

Europe generally uncomfortable. References to respectable Conspirators in Bou- n " ? /+i t 'a ce 1___\ r „ r>„//„„ j t cau t i u t \ r

logne and strasburg. Was years in his last situation, the fortress of Ham. (rmnde (the Large Snuff-box), Les Bolles de Jean (the Jack-Boots), Le

Letters, post paid, to be addressed to Loms Napoleon, Poste restante, London. Chapeau de Cocker (the Coachman S Hat), and other attributes of

a s tfptttmatt? snvuppiPM nv upjwni? Z-n li ■ Napoleon, with which History and Gomersal have conspired to

A h 2 * SES? FRANCE, by a young Gentleman, d f ^ We j fa rf -a rumoured b the b that the

-*--»- who has been brought up tor the place, and can give any amount of constitu- ' , j -fa i c « i i a t> i -rir a ■ a

tional guarantees. Has travelled a good deal, and can turn his hand to anything in respected Emperor (ot ASTLEY S Amphitheatre Koyal, Westminster

the royal line. Has a great objection to being treated as the rest of the family. ' Bridge,) has written to the President of the National Assembly, repu-
StPPGeraa?n Paris6 addressed (under C0Ter) 10 the Dcc DE BocEDEADX. Quaitier bating all idea of a pretendership springing up in Lambeth Marsh, or

_—ermaiD'_ans'_ of the Republic getting a fresh blow from the New Cut—a possibility

\JUANTED, by the German Confederation, a decent pretext for backing out ] that has been suggested by certain inveterate enemies of liberty. His
' V of the Danish quarrel.__j Dramatic Excellency the Emperor, Napoleon Buonaparte (Gomersal,)

WANTED, by the French Republic, Tenders for the undermentioned ! has> in fact> become the landlord of a highly respectable tavern, and his
articles (to be sent in to the Salle de v Assemble Nationale, opposite to the ; attachment to the res publica is, therefore, utterly undeniable. We are
Place de la Concorde, Paris . happy to be informed also that his faithful Mameluke, so far from

Strong Ministerial measures (Frenchmen's size), at per measure. harbouring any ideas for the aggrandisement of bis late master, may be

Clap-traps fir Workmen new), at per humbug. ° ' • ■ a i. a ai : 1 f___l.__j

Bass voices for President and Vice-Presidents of the National Assembly (Labiache seen every evening in a straw hat, a flaxen wig, smock-frock, and
quality), at per voice. high-lows, at the Adelphi, where, in the piece of Harvest Home, he is

Plana fur raising the wind, at per cent, of wind raised. amongst the most Contented of Our peasantry.

Confutations for Communism, at per confutation.
Liberty, Fraternity, and Equality, at per practical scheme.

*** The lowest Tender accepted.

THE PUBLIC PHYSICIAN'S VADE-MECUM.

Unpardonable Omission.

Amongst the toasts given at the Waterloo Banquet we miss that of
E. M. General Moon. Can it be possible that the distinguished
E. M. was not present ? We are pained to remark that this looks a
ittle like jealousy on the part of the Iron Duke. However, we are

The Health of the Public has of late been frequently examined into,
but there has been a great want of system in the mode in which the I mformeTffi^
inquiries have been conducted We beg to suggest to the political ■ he had the , plat Qn which that great ammai event ig gerved upj
attendant the following somewhat more scientific method of mvesti- put 0pposite to him at dinner, and drank all the toasts in perfect rotation,
gating the state of the patient: m^ omitting one to himself, to which he returned thanks in a short

Put out your capital Let me see your revenue. So, so ! How are ; but eioquent speech. E. M. General Moon retired a little after eleven,
your lunds? Tolerably firm—eh? In what state are your ConsolsP after wnich the Banquet proceeded home to Threadneedle Street in

Advancing ?—No ? What! a little reaction ? Ah ! How do you find
your Foreign Securities ? Rather shaky ? Well, that we must expect.
Foreign Exchanges, too—somewhat depressed ? So I thought. Divi-
dends regular ? Pretty well ? Oh ! Any sense of weight and sinking
in Railway Shares ? Well, well! Corn Market pretty steady ? Good,
good! Coffee ? Brisk, you say ? Very good! Saltpetre ? Looking up ?
That's right! Indigo lively ? Middling ? Cotton ? Not quite so well
again ?—Hum! Cochineal rather flat ? Ha! Exports ? Much the
same ? Imports ? Go on augmenting ? Ho! Paper Currency ?
Slightly contracting? Bullion a little more copious ? But still scanty ?

a large portfolio.

" Lend us a Bark.

Embarrassment in the circulation not wholly removed? No ! A degree I of a bark."

It is told of a Smithfield drover that, perplexed by the eccentricity
of a flock of sheep that would not go in the direction he desired, he
thus accosted a professional brother, " Bob, lend us a bark of your dog."
When Lord John Russell wants a help (see, for instance, nis speech
on Hume's Reform Motion) he always reads extracts of a speech of
Peel. Invariably, at a non-plus does John obtain of Bob the " loan

Vol. 15.

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