Punch: Punch (15.1848)

7S PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

- r.

Lover " Sweet Girl—let me, hkre—away from the busy hum of men—and where no mortal eye can see us—declare

that passion which —which—"

Lady. "There! for goodness sake get up, Mb. Tomkins, and don't be ridiculous—just consider all the Telescopes
from the Parade !!"

SiSTERS OF MISERY.

The attention of Nursery Governesses is requested to the subjoined,
from the Times:—

WANTED, in a Gentleman*'s family, a Lady, who ran be well recommended
as nursery governess. She must be fond of children, clever with her
need'e, active, intelligent, and good-tempered in the discharge of her duties. No
salary will be given. Travelling expenses and washing paid, with every domestic
comfort. Address, stating age, to r. l., Mr. -, Dundee.

Punch herewith proposes himself as private secretary to all Sisters of
Misery ; being desirous of writing for them a form of reply to all invi-
tations animated by the like spirit that crawls in the above.

{Copy of Answer.)

" Sir,—Having a comfortable patrimony, and acknowledging that
high and elevating necessity of our nature, that compels the heart to
love something, I should feel myself selected by the happiest fortune,
did you think me worthy of fulfilling the serious, and no less delicious
duties of Nursery Governess to your interesting children (number no
consequence).

"If I have any emotion in excess, it is that of the love of children;
a quality, perhaps, only second to that of plain and ornamental needle-
work. My activity never permits me to have a moment's leisure ; and
my good temper, from the time of my infancy, has passed into a family
proverb.

" You state, Sir, and I admire the frankness—that 'no salary will be
given.' 1 can fully understand, Sir, that the delightful privilege of
dwelling under your roof, and enjoying the pure moral atmosphere of
your hearth, must far exceed any value to be awarded by the coined
dross of this selfish world. How happy am 1 that, possessing a suffi-
cient competence of my own, I may give myself up heart, and soul, and
pocket, to the formation of the minds of your children, and to the daily
execution of your needlework. Deign, Sir, to consider my application
with the most favourable grace j and, supplicating an answer,

" I remain your obedient and anxious servant.

; " P.S. Pray do not pay the postage of your letter. I shall esteem
it as a touching earnest of your friendship, if you will allow me to pay
the twopence."

SELF-GOVERNMENT.

Once on a time a fire broke out at the end of a long street, and crept
up—up—up, eating away the houses as none but such a devouring
element would have had the impudence to do.

There was a cry of " Send for the engines !" _ But the occupier of the
middle house was a great opponent of Centralisation, and he stood on
his threshold with a bucket in one hand, and a garden squirt in the
other, and he exclaimed—

" Send for the engines! No such thing. All the engines come from
the Central Station ; and Centralisation is a great mischief. Let every
man get his bucket and squirt, and put out the fire for himself. That's
Self-Government!"

And so he was burnt to death, manfully squirting to the last moment.

Once on a time there was a man in a fever, and in his delirium he
insisted on having a bottle of port per diem. The doctor said it would
finish him ; but his nurse was an advocate for Self-Government, and she
pooh-poohed the doctor, and the patient crept to the cellaret and got
his bottle of rough old port, and uncorked it with his trembling hands,
and set it to his mouth and floored it manfully, and died an hour after-
wards ; and his nurse glorified Self-Government exceedingly, as she
tied his chin up. _

Once on a time Cholera rose from his marsh-bed in the East, and
stalked westwards, killing his thousands and tens of thousands as he
passed along. The feast was spread for him in stagnant ditches, and
reeking cesspools, and filthy dwellings, and wherever these were, he
fared abundantly; but where these were not, he starved.

And wise men who saw this, said "Let us not spread the table for
Cholera amongst us. Let us drain, and cleanse, and sweep, and
whitewash." But the people, who did not see it, grumbled at this, and
would not, set hand to the work. And certain wiseacres stood by and
said, " Nay, we know a spell to keep off Cholera;" and they spelled
their spell, and'it was, to repeat many times over "Self-Government,
Self-Government, Self-Government!" And Cholera chuckled when he
heard the spell—for he knew those wiseacres of old.