Punch: Punch (15.1848)

THE LADY MAYOftESS, IN HER state CARRIAGE,

Drawn by Six Whipped Creams,

and looking, like Macbeth, as if they were quite ready to

die with (the weight of) harness on their backs.

Another mounted Military Band, playing Polly put the kettle on, on
the kettle-drums, and the horses attempting the tune of a galop, while
the musicians make the most of a

Grand dis-Concerted Piece, in 12 Flats,

caused by the performers being thrown almost flat on to the heads of
their horses by the extraordinary capers of the animals.

THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE GRAND DUKE, JAMES,

Lord Mayor of London, and Autocrat of the East {end),

wearing the Aldermanic Jack-chain round his neck, and accompanied
by the Sword-bearer, with the blade resting on his shoulder-blaie.

As the procession passed up the river, it was salu'ed by a very
minute gun—of the most minute dimensions—as we'll as by a discharge
of abuse from a discharged porter, who had formerly been in the Grand
Dakal service, but had been dismissed for constant inebriety.

The opening of the Civic Parliament was marked by the usual very
extensive opening of mouths, and several Bills (of fare) were laid upon
the table, which were read a first, second, and third time with scarcely
a dissentient voice. After a superficial audience given to the soup and
fish, the company had the privilege of the entree, which consisted of
nearly 100 entrees of the most recherche description that culinary inge-
nuity could devise. At the conclusion of the reception, in the course of
which everybody received nearly everything that was handed round,
His Cockney Majesty pronounced the following

SPEECH FROM THE (CIVIC) THRONE :—
My Lords and Gentlemen,
In meeting you on this occasion, I am glad to say that my friendly
relations with my gracious ally, Queen Victoria, are as firm as ever,
and that Temple Bar is, in fact, no bar to the good feeling existing
between us.

I have given orders for the opening of the ports, and I have prepared
a declaratory Act on the subj :ct of the clarets, both of which measures
1 hope you will approve.

I am happy to cultivate the hope that you are impressed, as on
former occasions, with the grand gastronomic principle, that appetite is
the only legitimate sauce of a good dinner.

I have concluded a treaty with the chef of a celebrated cuisine, the
papers connected with which treaty will, in the shape of Bills of Fare,
be laid before you at the proper period.

The Estimates for the Supply have been framed with a due regard to
your powers of demolition; and, having amply discussed, I hope you
will not fail to digest, all that has been submitted to you.

I regret that partial distress has occurred in some remote parts of my
dominions, and I am sorry to hear that a scarcity of provisions occurred
at one of the cross-tables. I have also heard with pain of some dis-
turbances connected with the Cape, in consequence of its substitution
by mistake for Madeira; but I have taken measures that will, I am
convinced, prevent a recurrence of these, or any other similar calamities.

The trifling differences existing between London and Edinburgh, in
respect of the porter of the one, and the ale of the other, have caused
me to try th« effect of mediation, which has _ resulted in the half-and-
half that has already been submitted to your judgment.

I can assure you, my Lords and Gentlemen, that nothing shall b8
wanting on my part to promote the spread of civilisation ; and I hope
you will regard the spread you have partaken of this day, as an earnest
of my good intentions.

The speech of his Civic Majesty was loudly cheered, and his reign
may be considered to have opened most auspiciously.

A Natural Mistake.

A National Guard was walking into St. Paul's, when he was stopt
for the ordinary twopence. " Qu' est que c" est ?" said the astonished
.Frenchman. " Twopence," exclaimed the clerical door-keeper. " BlaU-
tif" inquired the Frenchman. " TWOPENCE," shouted the two-
penny janitor, getting very wroth. After numberless explanations, the

twopence was paid, and the Frenchman walked in. " Hollo ! you Sir,
you must take your hat off," No notice was taken, when the enraged
door-keeper ran after the Frenchman, and explained to him very warmly
that he must not walk about with his hat on. "Pardon mille fois,
said the National Guard, removing his shako, "mats je ne savais pat
que e' elait une eglise ! "