Punch: Punch (15.1848)

242

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE CAREER OF "THE COMING MAN"

An anxious public has long been patiently awaiting the "Coming
Man," and in all probability will have to wait for him considerably
longer. In the meanwhile, imagination may expatiate on the prospect
of the wonders which are to be worked by this Wizard of a yet unde-
termined point of the compass. It is generally understood that the
object of his mission will be to set all things to rights, and to arrange
affairs, political and social, to the entire satisfac'ion of everybody. To
this end, he will necessarily perform the following prodigies :—

He will increase the incomes of farmers, and augment the wages of
agricultural labourers, so as to enable them to support, themselves and
their families in comfort, and to lay up a provision for Iheir old age,
without in the least diminishing the rents of the landlord.

He will provide constant employment and ample pay for all opera-
tives, at the same time not limiting the profits of employers, or checking
them in the slightest, degree in the pursuit, of gain. He is to confirm
Capital in all its advantages, and invest Labour with all its rights. He
must render unlimited competition compatible with universal success,
and individual aggrandisement with general prosperity.

He will secure legal redress alike for rich and poor; nevertheless
allowing forensic ability to command its price in the market.

He will combine the encouragement of British industry and the con-
sumption of British produce with the freest importation of manufactures
and luxuries from abroad

Having accomplished these marvels, he will retire from the world,

and contract himself, publicly, amid the acclamations of the multitude,
into a quart-bottle ; wherein, absorbed, like Brahma, in beatific con-
templation, he will suffer himself to be exhibited in a shrine provided
for the purpose by a grateful nation, to an admiring posterity, for ever!

Walking on the Slopes.

What are the Slopes which the Queen and Prince Albert are said
to be continually walking on ? We are by no means levellers, but we
nevertheless should like to see these Slopes put in such a state that
Her Majesty and Consort could pursue "the even tenour of their
way" in their matutinal perambulations. To say nothing of the diffi-
culty and the discomfort of walking continually on the slope, we are
sure it must cause the royal pair to take occasionally a sort of one-sided
view of things around them. By way of exercise, a promenade on the
Slopes may be all very well, for it must require a hopping movement
that would naturally create a wholesome muscular action; but on the
whole we think an even surface would be preferable for the morning
walks of the Sovereign.

No Work, no Victuals 1

" ' Tf any man,' " says Mr. Charles Pearson, writing on the subject
of prison discipline to the Court of Aldermen, ' will not work, neither
He will guarantee, in perpetuity, the payment, of the interest of the R^[| he eat)> is a law of GoD> as appiicabie to a prisoner as to any
National Deb' without any inconvenient demand whatever on national I other member of the community." Does the rule also apply conversely?

Only suppose it to be enforced in Belgravia. Alas ! how many of the
inhabitants of that fashionable dis'rict should we behold extended on
the pavement in front of their own areas, the flagstones beside them

exertion. He will gratify every desire for the reduction of taxation,
and yet maintain the revenue, and our civil and military establishments,
on a scale commensurate with our greatness as a nation. He will make

Ireland happy and prosperous, independently of any co-operaliou from I embtTzoTeTwi^ " lam starving^

the Irish themselves, or of pecuniary assistance trom this country, lie
will give a simultaneous predominance to all sects and parties one over
the o'iier; and thus, it may be hoped, he will effect the pacification

of that hitherto distracted land. He will cause the prerogatives of the Anticipations of Christmas.

Throne and the privileges of the Aristocracy to coexist with the fullest, j The small wine-merchan's are already putting forth their large

popular rights ; to the contentment of all classes of politicians. He will
reconcile the extreme of luxury on the part of the few with the absence
of privation on that of the many, and will furnish a subsistence to the
helpless and the unfortunate at no cost, whatever to the able and the
opulent. He will fully supply the wants of everybody, without obliging
anybody to practise the least self-denial.

placards, announcing their " Golden Sherries at 28 shillings," and their
" pale ditto," full of anything but "ineffectual fires," at twenty-five
the dozen. Our private vintner has intimated to us that he has some
prime Port at six-and-thirt,y, "just fit for laying down." We have
tasted it; and, though it is certainly " fit for laying down," it is by no
means worth picking up, and we have declined it accordingly.

" May we ne'er want a
Friend," &,c.

One of the Professors
who are engaged to make
science popular at so much
or so little a week, is giving
daily lectures on the philo-
sophy of an empty bottle.
There does not seem to be
a great deal in an empty
bottle at a first glance, but
we dare say the Professor
will contrive to put a little
spirit into the empty bottle
if he determines to go regu-
larly into it. A good deal
of philosophy is sometimes
required in reference to a
bottle which has been paid
for as a quart, but which
turns out to hold scarcely a
pint, and is indeed compara-
tively an empty one. We
shall be very glad to have a
crack with the Professor
over his bottle ; and, though
the subject may be a difficult
one, we dare say we shall be
able to break the neck of it.

"boys will be boys."

It is supposed that the
young Candidate for the
West Riding was induced to
offer himself to the electors
by the popular saying,
"There's a good time
coming, boys."

The World Taken by Storm

^MID tlie crash of crowns, the agonising throes and
overthrows of thrones, the seeing of Sea Serpents, the
flights of Sovereigns and the scarcity of gold, the fall of
royalty and railway scrip, the nothingness of everything,
the social extinction of Joseph Ady, the kicking of
Vienna against Jellachich, and the rest of the rest-
lessness which has well shaken and completely overtaken
the present age, it was naturally to be expected that all
means of further excitement were exhausted; but the
most startling intelligence of all is now about to be given.
Electric telegraphs must own their communications to be
thin and wire-drawn in comparison with that which we
now impart, in a clap of typographic thunder that will
spread milliards of echoes over the land—We are shortly
about to publish

PUNCH'S ALMANACK,

Price Zd.

We are aware that the million will require to take
breath after this anti-halilant and periculo-pulmonic
announcement. We will therefore allow time for the
public orgafis of respiration to resume their regular
action, before we take away the national breath a second
lime by an announcement of the contents, which will h
gioen in a feio days.