Punch: Punch (15.1848)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

255

THE RAILWAY LADY-KILLERS.

Did you ever? No yoa never did, I'm sure, young ladies, hear,
Such a tale as one I '11 tell you from the Liverpool Courier;
'Tis about affections trifled with, confiding girls betray'd,
And heartless hoaxes, ruthlessly on tender bosoms play'd.

There are some gents in Manchester, whose avocations will
Send them sometimes on the railway, from the counter and the till;
Each sports his large Mosaic rings, his breast-pin, and his chain,
And, in the stead of shop-yard, bears a natty little cane.

The object of each fellow—for we will not call him man—
Is but to captivate as many victims as he can,
As many head—or heart—of game as possible to bag,
And of his booty afterwards to go away and brag.

His carriage in the railway train should some fair maiden share,
He eyes her sentimentally, but with respectful air;
From time to time he heaves a mild and melancholy sigh—
Oh, dear, how very easy 'tis without a word to lie !

At length the objsct of his wiles he ventures to accost,
Says that the day is wet or fine, or there will be a frost,
And then too many answer him—the base, perfidious one—
Engage in conversation, and are, consequently, done.

Eor remarks, when once they're answer'd, though the merestnothings, oft

Lead to the further interchange of nothings sweet and soft;

She who assents, at starting, to a speech about the day,

May end the parley with the word which gives her heart away.

And thus it fared with one who was of Liverpool the belle,

Her name—but that let asterisks alone to Scandal tell—

Thus hoaxed was she by one of those young Snobs of whom I spoke;

And now the puppy shows about her letters, as a joke.

There is a scamp among them who eleven dupes can count;
The victims of another unto twenty-three amount;
And these two varlets chuckle, with their ribald gibes and jests,
O'er the fond effusions of no less than four-and-thirty breasts.

Then, all fair railway passengers, a timely warning take,

Cut short all smirking, simpering gents, advances who may make ;

Be deaf to the soft speeches, blind to all the killing looks

Of Beown and Jones and Robinson, of Simpkins, Smith and Snooks.

JENKINS AT THE CATTLE-SHOW.

Sterne upon a dead ass is a nincompoop compared with Jenkins
on a live bullock. Jenkins visits Baker Street in the quietude of
evening, and melts in sympathy with the gross result of oil-cake.
There is a sweet simplicity in this passage. It breaks upon us with a
plaintiveness, breathing of the pastoral pipe.

"The quiet of the scene was not rendered cheerful by the numerous gas-lights,
and the silence, hroken only by the husking or panting of some of the fatted brutes,
was oppressive to the spirits."

Does Jenkins ever visit Guildhall on the 9th of November ? We
hope not; _ if h.a suffer so much for fatted brutes, what would be his
sympathetic wretchedness for corpulent aldermen ?

" The full clear eyes of the poor sheep and oxen, [no calves ?] that looked so
confidently into ours, and with an eloquence that was not dumb, invited sympathy we
could not be insensible to, and the stillness of the place permitted thoughts which
were not complimentary to the pride in which the show originated."

There is a touching incoherency in this. The heart of Jenkins is
distressed, subdued by the confidential sheeps' eyes cast upon him;
and his mind wanders in a mazs of words

CHILD'S-PLAY.

The latest novelty introduced into the game of Revolution " over the
water," has been an Infant Pnenomenon. She talks like a woman, that
is to say, as long as they will let her, and jumps up to demand the equa-
lisation of sucre-d'orges, and the division of galetie shops into equal-
electoral districts. She made her debut a short time ago at one of the-
barrieres, and drew down the applause of a crowded, but not very respect-
able dinner, at 8 sous a-head, children at half price,—which must have
been a " consommation " not altogether to be most devoutly wished by the-
restaurateur, considering the little profit he could have got out of it, if
these specimens of La Jeune France only ate and drank in the same
destructive manner that they talked. Really La Jeune France should
be ashamed of itself, and deserves being whipped and put to bed. The
poor little thing should be at school or with its nurse, making little paper
soldiers or cjcks and hens, instead of rearing social fabrics, or lisping,
constitutions, whilst its own is not yet developed. However, it is very
strange that Frenchmen, who are always putting themselves forward as
"le peuple leplus spirituel" in the world, should not see the absurdity
of these juvenile exhibitions, and when a Daby Genius begins prattling
they do not stop its lir.tle mouth with confitures, or drown its squeak
amidst loud cries of " Au lit! Au lit /" Every great cause has its hero
but what are we to say of the Republic when its advocates are little
boys and girls ? It is true that their national songs call upon all enfam
de la patrie to defend it; but really some limit should be put to the age
of these blessed" enfans," and none under twelve should be allowed to>
deliberate in any public assembly, or children-at-arms permitted to have
a voice in the nation elsewhere than at home in their nurseries.

Abdication of the Beadle of the Quadrant.

The Atlas omnibus, in anticipation of the Overland Waterloo, has-
But, we can respect the compassion—albeit a little maudlin—of brought the intelligence of the abdication of Frederick the beadle of the

Jenkins; for it has its legitimate source in disgust of the tyrant of
Tamworth. If oxen grown beneath a weary load of suet—if moun-
tainous sheep look with confiding eloquence into the eyes of a reporter
of the Post—if over-larded pigs, like plethoric wealth, are blinded by
their fatness, why, the brutality, the atrocity, the torture and the
tyranny, all, all lie at the door of the Tamworth traitor, the apostate
3'eel. With all our ports open to foreign cattle, what remains to the
English farmer hut to increase his live stock ? And how is this to be
I Hsiest done ? _ Whv, by enlarging every bullock into two—and fatten-
ing every hog into his own double.

plain as a pike staff.

One of the latest discoveries informs u3 that gunpowder can be made
out of wood. This may, in a measure, account for the most wooden-
headed, persons being generally the most explosive.

Quadrant, after a reign of twelve years. Grief at the withdrawal of the
iron pillars of his state, and anguish at the prospect of being abandoned
by his trusty, though sometimes rusty columns, are the alleged causes
of the step on which he has resolved. He abdicates in favour of his
nephew Lopez, usually known as Lopez de Vigo, or Lopez of Vigo
Lane. It was an affecting sight to behold the aged autocrat bestowing
the cane of office on bis youthful relative, who appeared to feel the full
force of the responsibility.

" Rule Britannia.'

The Glasgow Citizen states that a floating railway, in connexion with
the Edinburgh and Northern line, is to be thrown over the estuary of
the Tay, where it is about a mile and a half broad. Now, indeed,
Britannia is ruling the waves, and that with unmistakeable lines. 1®
laying down rails over the billows, she will literally rule them with rods
of iron.