Punch: Punch (17.1849)

94

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE NURSEMAID'S FRIEND.

Science has given, us the baby-jumper, by which we are enabled to carry out the common exclamation
of "Hang those noisy children" without an act of infanticide, by suspending our youngsters in the
air; and perhaps allowing them to have their full swing, without getting into mischief; but the apparatus
for the nursery will not be complete until we have something in the shape of coops lor our pretty little
chickens, when they are "out with nurse," and she happens to have something better—or worse—to
do than to look after them.

How often, in a most interesting part of a novel, or in the midst of a love passage of real life, in which
the nurse is herself the heroine, how often, alas ! is she not liable to be disturbed by the howl of a brat,
with a cow's horn in his eye, a dog's teeth in his heels, or in some other awkward dilemma, which
could not have arisen had the domestic Child-coop been an article of common use in the Metropolitan
parks, or on the sands at the sea-side ?

There is something very beautiful in the comparison of helpless infancy to a brood of young
chickens, with its attendant imagery of "mother's wing," and all that sort of thing, but the allegory
would be rendered much more complete by the application of the hen-coop to domestic purposes. We
intend buying one for our own stud of piccoli —which means little pickles—and we hope to see all
heads of families taking it into their heads to follow our example.

TO PERSONS POND OF REST.

" It is estimated," says the Picayune,
" that only one-third of the gold col-
lected in California is actually exported,
the remaining two-thirds being re-
tained as a rest."

What this rest is may be gathered
from the following extract of a letter
in the Morning Chronicle:—

" We hear every now and then of one man
shooting another. Every man, even in the
towns, is armed with pisiols and knife. At the
mines the Indians are shot down without
compunction, and I helieve every enormity
committed that can be imagined. Madmen go
about the towns at large till they destroy then*
selves."

When we heard that the persons
who went to California were " mad
for gold," we little thought it was so
literally. It seems likely that the gold
diggers will enjoy their " rest" in a
Lunatic Asylum. Their new coins
have the inscription, "Californian Gold
without Alloy," It is a pity they
cannot say as much of their happiness !

Better Late than Never.

It appears that Earl Nelson—
blushing from head to foot at the
recollection of the conduct of his
das'ardiy ancestor, the plurality hunt-
ing parson who fawned on his bro-
ther's mistress, whilst the lion-hearted
Nelson lived, and spat upon her
when he had thrust his head into
that Nelson's coronet,— it appears
that the present Earl is about to
raise a monument to the memory
of the outraged Lady Hamilton.
It is to bear her name, with this
inscription—" He that is without sin
among you, let him first cast a stone
at her."

OH ! REST THEE, MY DARLINGS.

An enormous bed of oysters, between thirty and forty miles long, has
recently been discovered between the coasts of France and England.
Such a bed as this throws the great bed of Ware completely into the
shade, and we have no doubt the bed will be awfully tumbled by the
fishermen on both sides of the Channel pouncing down upon it. It is
strange that the oysters should have remained so long undiscovered, but
as they made their bed, so they probably thought they would lie without
being disturbed; for the bed—like the oyster who first found it out—
was rather a downy one.

We trust that there will be no jealousy on the subject between the
French and English fishermen, for we should be sorry to see the place
converted into what the song calls a " gory bed," by a contest for its
possession. Rather than that any dispute should arise, it would be
better for one country or the other to take out letters of naturalisation,
to settle the question_ which is to regard the newly-discovered oysters
as Natives, and which is to look on them in the light of aliens. By the
old Common Law, a coroner can sit upon a mast found in the middle of
the sea, but whether an action would lie upon an oyster bed, we are not
prepared to say, without reference to the authorities.

We Live in Stirring Times.

_ Amongst the curious names of the Russian, Austrian, and Hunga-
rian officers we see there is a general of the name of Sedlitz. We no
longer wonder at the effervescence on the Continent, when there was
always a Sedlitz "up and stirring" amongst them. We can imagine
Sedlitz, when properly stirred, flung in the face of anything, and yet
—such his delicious coolness!—that he was ever welcome in the heat
of action. By the bye, we are rather anxious to know how Sedlitz
managed to keep his Powder dry ?

A PRIZE SERVANT OF ALL-WORK.

We take the liberty of introducing to the notice of Farmers the
following valuable servant. It requires no clothing, no wages, no beer
in harvest, no medicine in case of sickness, no blankets in winter, no
workhouse when if gets old, no funeral when it dies. All it requires is
just a few coals to keep it warm.

The servant in question was exhibited at the Dublin Agricultural
Show, and continued to work for hours without once stopping. This
is the description of what it can do in a general way :—

" It was a portable steam-engine on wheels, of five-horse power, capable of being
attached to the gear of any farming machine in harvest, for threshing in winter, for
pumping and draining, for cutting fodder of all kinds, for grinding corn, for bruising
grain or beans for cattle, for chopping straw, for working a row of churns in a large
dairy; in short, a small servant of all-work."

The farce of rewarding, at Agricultural Shows, servants who have
passed a lifetime in their master's service, will now be done away with.
The munificent sum of £3 will no longer be given to a man for 53
years' hard labour. It will be transferred to a steam-engine—only the
great question is, where will our landlords get a steam-engine to work
half so long ? Flesh, after all, is cheaper trfen iron. It is a great pity
the above machine could not have been made to last longer than a
labourer, and then, with a little spouting at Protectionist Meetings,
it would have been perfect,!—quite a prize Servant of all-work at the
mere price of coals !

" stop her ! "

Some organs have no stops, like the Italian Organs, that will go on
for hours without a slop ; and then again, there is the celebrated Organ
of Speech in woman, which is acknowledged to be the greatest organ
in the world, and which has been going on now for ages without the
slightest stop.