Punch (18.1850)

154 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

OUR "USED UP" MAN HAS A FEW "USED UP" FRIENDS TO BREAKFAST; AFTER WHICH THEY DERIVE

A LITTLE REAL ENJOYMENT FROM A DRAMATIC ENTERTAINMENT.

NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.

(From Punch's own Correspondent.)

Our readers, and the service generally, will learn with much regret
that a very promising young officer, C—L—s N—p—b, has undergone
the censure of his captain, L—d J—n R—ll, of the Downing, three-
dtcker, and commander of the Channel Fleet. The young gentleman
was very roughly questioned in the quarter-deck.

L—d J—n. " So, Sir, you've been writing to the Times F"

C—l—s N-p—r. " Yes, my Lord."

L—d J—n. " You complain of Heb Majesty's beef—of Heb Ma-
jesty's biscuit—of Heb. Majesty's pea-soup, and—I understand—for I
have not read these precious letters, that you complain of the Com-
mander of the Channel Fleet—in a word, you complain of me ? Is this
discipline, Sir?—1 ask it, is this discipline ? "

C—l—s N—p—r. " My Lord, it is in history that Admiral Blake
wrote to the Times, denouncing the pork of the Commonwealth—that
Dbake corresponded with the same journal, on the weevil in Queen
Elizabeth's biscuit—and that the immortal Nelson himself, in a letter
to the Times on the pea-soup of Geobge the Thibd" —

L—d J—n. "Don't talk to me, Sir: you're a smart young fellow
enough, and I recollect", your services, when, in the jolly-boat, you cut
out the Pilau, Egyptian 98 ; nevertheless, discipline must he respected.
You will go to the mast-head, Sir; and take with you the Times and the
Supplement; getting by heart all the ' Want Places' (as you '11 want for
a long time, I can tell you), before you come down again. Up with
you, Sir."

C—l—i N—p—r [climbs the main shrouds, with " Times " and " Sup-
plement" under his arm). " Boatswain, pipe all hands to 'bout ship, and
shake a reef out of the best bower."

Boatswain. " Aye, aye, Sir."

[Exit Commander of Channel Fleet into cabin.

EXTRAORDINARY RUNNING MATCH.

It is not often that our old friend, Mb. Dunup, enters the sporting
world, but he was a few days ago one of the principals in a match of a
very exciting character. The contest was between Mb. Duntjp and
Babney Aabou, an officer attached to the department of the sheriff of
Middlesex.

The whole affair was got up almost impromptu, and consisted of a
running-match from the corner of Chancery Lane to the other side of
the river Thames, the bridge selected being optional. Babney Aabon
made his appearance suddenly, which Mb. Dunup took as the signal
for starting, as there had already been a match of a similar kind
between the parties, in which the latter had come off victorious ; and
he knew the former was desirous of trying another experiment.
Babney carried weight, consisting of a stick and a small slip of parch-
ment; but Dunup was burdened with nothing but an empty purse;
and it had been whispered in many quarters that he would be found to
want metal. He had no sooner caught sight of his antagonist, than he
cut off at a rapid rate, Babney following closely at his heels, as far as
the corner of Essex Street, when Dunup seemed about to give in, for
he turned sharp round (in consequence, as we have been since informed,
of the want of metal to go over Waterloo Bridge), where the halfpenny
toll would have brought him to a stand-still. His opponent being j
evidently taken aback by this sudden move, Dunup started off again |
at a terrific rate, and making all the running through the intricate
turnings of Whitefriars, he went away at a slapping pace, past the
glass-works, took a diversion through a broker's shop, by which he cat
off a corner, and having gained several yards on his opponent, won
cleverly by the length of a writ, which, though it was made to run
pretty fast into Middlesex, could not run into Surrey.

Abistocbatic Economy.—We understand that several noble fami-
lies, finding their incomes reduced, have curtailed the number of pairs
of breeches usually issued to their flunkeys, and thus calculate on.
saving by the end of the year a considerable over-plush.