Punch: Punch (19.1850)

166

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

LAYING THE DUST.

Ladies can, we know, sometimes go to very great lengths in dress; but the gown has lately got to
such a pitch, and so much latitude is taken in the way of longitude, that there is no knowing where
it will end. We have found, occasionally, very great inconvenience in our walks, by following, as ex-
cursionists, such a train as that which female fashion seems to entail on all its votaries. It says as
little for the ankles as it does for the understandings of the fair sex of the present day, that they are
compelled to hide their bad feet by at least one yard of superfluous drapery. In addition to the
untidyand unsightly character of the proceeding, the dust raised is so great a nuisance, that every lady
appearing in the costume of the period ought to be compelled to have a page in attendance, with a
watering-pot, wherever she goes.

A REGULAR CRAMMER.

A recent advertisement in the
Times commenced as follows :—

" a Lady of the highest qualifications is de-
sirous of a bed-room and dinner."

We presume the " highest qualifica-
tions " must be construed as applying
to the " dinner," and we may infer
therefore that the "lady" is blest with
an awful appetite. Taking this into
consideration, we suspect that the
advertiser will meet with very few
who would not prefer her room—that
is to say, the bed-room she is in want
of—to her company. One might as
well admit a young wolf into one's
family as a lady "desirous of a
dinner," and possessing the " highest
qualifications" with regard to it.
When poor little Cufpey, the Chartist
captive, was asked how he liked the
prison fare, he candidly declared his
ability to " dispose of more;" but the
avowal of the advertising lady is still
more to the point, and if we let lodg-
ings, we should differ from Othello in
thinking it a hardship to be able to
" call such delicate creatures ours, but
not their appetites."

Shall England Swallow the
LeekP

An attempt is being made to get up
a sort of political excitement in Wales,
in favour of the Welsh language; and
Ap Somebody, whose name begins
with half-a-dozen gutturals, supported
in the centre by three or four W's,
and ending with a rush of labials, wants
to know, in reference to the adoption
of plain English in Wales, "whether
the Welsh tongue is to be torn out
by the roots." We have no wish for
such an act of violence; but, all we
have to say is, that the Welsh tongue
does not at ah suit the English palate.

TWO EXHIBITIONS IN ONE AND IN 1851.

We find from the papers that the
authorities, fearing there will not be
sufficient life and bustle in Hyde
Park at the Exhibition of 185L have
made arrangements for permitting
the cattle shows of the Agricultural
Society of England to be held in the
same place, at the same period.
That the crowds, visiting the ob-
jects of industry on one side of the
Park, may not be tempted to get
away on the other, the north-western
angle is to be devoted to the col-
lection of mountainous beeves, mon-
ster mutton, and pork in the last
stage of pinguidity. The public will,
in fact, be placed in a sort of cul-de-sac by this arrangement, _ and
the Park, necessarily invaded on one side for the industry of all nations,
will be unnecessarily invaded on the other side for the fat of all England
to stand simmering in the summer sun, and effect a blockade_ of the
public pleasure-ground on the side of Bayswater. The introduction of a
cattle show into the already curtailed space of Hyde Park, is what may
be justly termed "going the entire animal." It may, perhaps, be
thought a piece of fanciful hospitality towards the foreigners who will
visit the Exhibition of 1851, to introduce them at once to the fat of the
land, though it will be, after all, but a Barmecide feast, for they will
only be enabled to carry away as much of it as " they can put in their
eye, and see none the worse for." The site selected for the exhibition
of monsters, to be seen, as the showmen say, " Alive ! Alive ! " is appro-
priately enough called the " Battery," for assault and battery will, no
doubt, frequently mark the scene, where crowd will necessarily meet

crowd, and the tug, if not of war, of coat tails, pocket-handkerchiefs,
and purses, will be of daily and hourly occurrence. As to the poor old
Parks, they seem to be marked out, not only for the devastating pick-
axe and ruthless spade, but—severest dig of all—for the hoof ot the
fat-bound, suet-struck cattle. Can we wonder that the lungs of London
should be inflamed at being thus trampled upon ? Alas, we must soon
expect to see our Parks deprived of every turf for the innocent lark, or
playful gambol, and the green sward without a single blade to fight its
own battles.

The Summit of his Ambition.

Louis Napoleon is busy practising in climbing a Mat de Cocagne.
The hoop on the summit is festooned with legs and shoulders of ham
and large joints of cold veal, and embellished with a beautiful garland
of bottles of Champagne. The whole is surmounted with a glittering
prize of the Imperial Diadem. Louis Napoleon practises several
hours a day in climbing this greasy pole, which is stationed for his
especial study in one of the inner Courts of the Elysee, but he begins to
find "how hard it is to climb," and that he makes but little way with
all his violent attempts at progress. He still clings to the slippery
hope, however, of being able, by the time the next Election for President
comes on, to get to the top of the Pole !

Strange, but True.

We have been told—for really our ignorance of Debrett's Peerage
almost amounts to an insult to the House of Lords—that the English
title of the Duke op Atholl is "Loud Strange." This is, to say
the least, very strange ; but, at all events, no one can call the liberal-
minded Duke—considering the habit he has of blocking up public
thoroughfares, and closing everything—"Lord Passing Strange."