Punch: Punch (19.1850)

190

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

FOREIGNERS MAKING EREE WITH ENGLAND.

Pio Nono having divided this country into Catholic bishoprics, it
becomes absolutely necessary that, if Britannia is really to continue
to rule the waves, she must rule the Sees also. We shall have to say
No-no very peremptorily to Pio, with reference to the arrangement he
has made for planting the crosier, or crook—which he will be allowed to
do with a hook—in the soil of England. If the sort of thing contem-
plated by the Pope of Rome is to be tolerated here, we must expect
other alien potentates to amuse themselves by cutting up the United
Kingdom into little bits, after their own hearts, and sending the dig-
nitaries of all sorts of creeds to supersede the ministers of our own
religion. Unless a quietus is rapidly put to the arrogant pretensions of
Pome, and unless we rap the Pope's knuckles, as the only alternative
left to prevent our being obliged to kiss his toe, we may expect a few
such paragraphs as the following to figure very speeddy in our foreign
intelligence:—

The Hindoo Government has sent over Hoki Poki, to commence his
functions as Brahmin of Battersea. Messrs. Laurie, of Oxford Street,
have received directions to build without delay a car, with Collinge's
patent axles, for the accommodation of Juggernaut.

The Mirzam of Moolrah has sent over Bow Wow to commence his
sittings at Marylebone as Mufti of Middlesex, and Rusti Khan goes to
Westminster Hall, to take his place in the Court of Chancery as Cadi of
Chelsea. We had forgotten to state that the Bow-string is to be in-
troduced at Bow Street, and Kooley Pooley will preside at the burn-
ing of a widow, on a pile of weeds collected from all the widows in the
Metropolis.

The Emperor of China has written to the officer in charge of the
Junk at the Temple Stairs, desiring him to take possession of the
Temple, and devote it to Budd ; but we are happy to say that the scheme
has been frustrated by the firmness of the Jack-in-the-water, who de-
clared emphatically that Budd should go and be blowed before he—the
Jack—would allow any trespassers on the ground committed to his
charge. There have been further directions forwarded to the Junk,
desiring that Poo Loo should cement the power of China in this
country by assuming the title and powers of Mandarin of Mile End, with
the privilege of issuing chops to any extent, and Slater, the eminent
butcher, is to be called upon to provide, gratis, the whole of the materials.

Such are a few of the arrangements that may be looked for, as the
suite of the recent measures taken by the Pope of Pome for establish-
ing his authority in England—provided always that the measures in
question are found to be effectual for the purposes desired.

difference between england and france.

There is this difference between the two countries—and it requires
a long experience to decide which is the worse of the two to live in—
that whereas the people in Erance are always breaking out, the people
in England seem to be always breaking in.

Caution !—Two cart-loads of puns, on the names of " Newman " and
"Wiseman," having beea shot on Mr. Punch's premises, Mr. Punch
hereby gives notice that he has taken measures to ascertain the perpe-
trators of the same, and that, if the offence be persisted in, he wdl publish
a selection, with the names of the offending parties.

CATALOGUE OF THE BRITISH MUSEUM.

Ail the thing's a farce,

And all the time and labour merely wasted.

It has its entries and its indexes,

And one man with his time plays but the fool

In poring o'er the pages. Eirst the Volume,

Bulky and ponderous in the porter's arms,

And then the heavy binding, with its edges

And greasy leather backs, letting it slide

Gradually to the ground. And then the titles,

Mixed up like hodge-podge—here a book of ballads

Publish'd by Beale or Boosey. Then a quarto,

Pull of strange types, and letter'd all in black,

Printed on vellum—ancient in type and paper,

Cramming the author's reputation

Right down the student's mouth. And then the law-book,

In pale brown calfskin, with gross humbug lined,

With rules severe, and forms of rigid cut,

Eull of strange laws and musty precedents :

And so this forms a part. The volume shifts

Lke change to clown or slipper'd pantaloon,

To subjects no one knows—from side to side

The eye may roll—the topics are too wide

To be embraced—and the loud public voice,

Turning again to childish treble, pipes

And whistles for its wants. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange mysterious catalogue,

Is perfect uselessness and mere oblivion,

Sans head—sans tail—in fact, sans everything.