Punch: Punch (21.1851)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 125

POLITICAL PHILHARMONICS.

OME days ago, a Correspondent
of the Times, under the signature
of " Vigil,"—who appears to be
sufficiently wide-awake,—states
that he saw some 2000 people
in Victoria Park, the other day,
listening to some fine music,
which a military band, sent by
the Government to play in the
Park twice a week, was perform-
ing. The assembly, says Vigil,
was composed chiefly of mecha-
nics, many of them weavers—
one of whom made the following
patriotic and political observa-
tion :—

" Foreigners may boast of their
liberty, equality, and fraternity ; but is
not this something like fair play and
equality ? The Government send one
band to play to the nobs in Kensington
Gardens, and they send another band
to play to us here."

"Surely," adds Vigil, "the
Government have touched the
right string in tin's case ; " with
the tenor of which remark we
agree, though, musically speak-
ing, we object to the word
" string:" as no instrument that
can warrant the use of that term
is employed in a military band.
The best music requires, for its
execution, violins, and we do
not think that Ministers would
be chargeable with fiddlefaddle
if they were to establish com-
plete orchestras, with a view of
playing on the higher feelings of
the people. Neither—we trust
—will this suggestion be re-
sponded to by the derisive
exclamation—" A fiddlestick! "
Perish also the vile punster who
would, in the remotest manner
hint that the idea of the musical
reformation of society is a—we
cannot write the word—the
equivalent of half a minim. If
those who have no music in their souls are fit for "treasons, stratagems, and spoils," it follows
that the cultivation of the popular musical faculty must, on the other hand, tend greatly to
create a general unfitness for such atrocities; and thus materially to diminish the numbers
of_ ginger-beer-bottle patriots, rogues, and pickpockets. It would, therefore, be a capital
thing to send a band of Missionaries, with a Conductor at their head (and a Leader besides),
into the lanes and alleys, and up the courts, to charm savage breasts, and humanise brutes, as
Orpheus did. Such a force, with the brave Jtjllien as Commander-in-chief, would ensure
tranquillity—even though its services should sometimes be required in a Row Polka.
Expense may be some objection to this scheme: and Government, perhaps, at present does
all it can, by employing the only musicians at its command. It is pleasant to see our army
engaged in preserving order with drums and fifes instead of with bayonets; and we like the
comical notion of civilising the rougher classes in this way, by the aid of the military.

HERALDIC FRAGMENTS.

There is one practice rigidly observed in Heraldry which we should be glad to see intro-
duced into common life. It is the practice of describing what has to be described in the
briefest, tersest manner. There is nothing a Herald hates so much as tautology. " Blazoning,"
or heraldic description, is pointed and precise. Thus, if you bear on a white shield a black
chevron with three cross-crosslets on it,—say, white also,—while there are three red roses on
the fielder., we will suppose :—how do you go to work to describe the arms?—Simply,—arg,,
on a chevion set. between three roses ppr., three cross-crosslets, of the first. The term "of
the first," avoids the repetition of the colour—the colour ought never to be repeated, nor
the description prolonged. To illustrate from common life,—if you wanted to describe
Cahill, as a boar more dangerous than the generality of his order, but restrained from biting
by legal penalties, you would state his case quite simply by saying that he was a boar, sable,
tusked,—muzzled, or. How many "patriots" might be happily touched off by the expression
' muzzled, or ! " How clearly it defines a certain mercenary taciturnity! This heraldic pointed-
ness is quite estimable in its way. Why take pains to delineate at length some unworthy
impostor unworthily enriched—when the expression, a goose gorged, or, settles him in three
words ? For, gorged describes the ornament encircling the neck of a bird; and the ornament
is almost always a rich one. A goose gorged with gold, is no infrequent phenomenon in
modern civilisation.

The word issuing is also susceptible of remark
able application. We hear of " a cross-crosslet
issuing from a crescent, sable," as the crest
acquired by an old family in the' Crusades. But
our days have witnessed the cross issuing from
all sorts of quarters. A remarkable cross has
issued from a square, or—we mean Golden
Square. The varieties of the cross are very
numerous. Sometimes, it is a cross, fteury—as
in the case of a dandy ecclesiastic, or a gaudy
church. Sometimes, it is voided—which means,
as the heralds tell us, that the "inner part is
taken out"—typifying a church that has lost
charity and purity. Sometimes, it is engrailed,
signifying that the bearer desires to present a
jagged and torturing edge to all whom he
approaches. Sometimes, it is all of these:—
symbolising—what ? Certainly not any church
or ecclesiastic mild, modest, and self-denying—
but worthy to be the token of bodies and indivi-
duals altogether the contrary!—And so, Heraldry
may have a meaning and application in our days,
as in former ones.

THE PflENCH GIRL, ROSE.

A Song of a Modern Saint.

Dedicated to Dr. Newman.

Oh ! my Saint is like the Erench girl, Hose,

Tamisier by surname,
And leads me gently by the nose,

With wonders just the same.
A heart, tattoo'd upon her breast,

Stains handkerchiefs and clothes ;
Of course through miracle imprest,

As by the French girl, Hose.

Her angel wakes me with a knock,

Each morn, at her command;
And puts new buttons on my frock,

At times, with unseen hand ;
Suspended in tiie air she prays,

When on her knees she goes :
And I believe whate'er she says,

And in the French girl, Rose.

What Mr. Lewis could not teach,

With all his pains and art,
My Saint, by means above his reach,

Can instantly impart:
She '11 cause a simpleton to write,

To read who not e'en knows ;
And that by superhuman light,

Just like the French girl, Rose.

A round of toast was seen, one day,

Into her mouth to jump.
These marvels, scorn them as ye may,

I swallow in a lump.
From holy pictures, at her word,

A wondrous ichor flows :
True faith no statement deems absurd,

Nor doubts the French girl, Rose.

My Saint shone brightly in the dark,

And flew across the sea,
Convey'd by an obedient shark,

So great a Saint was she !
Not half hysterical, half "do,"

As heretics suppose;
Oh no, my brothers !—more than you,

Or than the French girl, Rose.

A Question on Criminal Jurisprudence.

Whether, in sentencing criminals to imprison-
ment, or transportation, for life, it would not
be much better to condemn them to the works
going on at the new Houses of Parliament ?
The expenses of transportation abroad, or main-
tenance at home, would be done away with,
whilst the _ term of their punishment woulo
ieniain precisely the same.