Punch (28.1855)

50 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE EFFECTS OF A HEARTY DINNER AFTER VISITING THE ANTEDILUVIAN DEPARTMENT AT THE

CRYSTAL PALACE.

THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES AT ASTLEY'S.

It is satisfactory to find that the Guards have not all perished in the
Crimea; but that some of them are still at home occupying the care
of “the military authorities.” The following advertisement lets us
into the secret that our resources are not yet exhausted, and consider-
ing the official mode in which it has been customary to prepare our
soldiers for a campaign, we cannot be angry at some of them being
sent to the somewhat preparatory School of War referred to in the
following advertisement:—

ASTLEY’S ROYAL AMPHITHEATRE.—Great National Military

-CL Demonstration.—THE BATTLE OF THE ALMA at the LAST MORNING
PERFORMANCE, Monday, January 29.— Mb. William Cooke is happy to announce
he has succeeded in prevailing on the military authorities to permit the soldiers of
the Grenadier Guards to appear on this special occasion, which will enable him to
present this chef-d’ceuvre of spectacular display in all the terrible magnificence which
marks its nightly triumphant career.

After the experience we have had of the official “ Conduct of the
War,” we can only hope that the Duke of Newcastle, by an assidu-
ous attendance at Astley’s, may profit by some of the arrangements of
that establishment, where at all events they have a knack of bringing
everything to a glorious termination. We can scarcely be surprised,
after the repeated failures we have recently seen in the heads of our

departments, that the authorities should at last have put themselves in
communication with the conductors of Astley’s in order to find out the
secret of making the British arms always triumphant.

At Astley’s the ammunition is always up in time, the bivouac is
always comfortable and complete, the Commander-in-Chief is always
prancing about making pretty speeches to the men, while the Russians
at Astley’s know their place so well that they invariably give way on
the advance of the British.

We fear that some of the official managers of our war have been con-
ducting it on Astleian ideas, without recollecting that we have not
Astleian fortresses to attack, or Astleian Cossacks, with an Astleian
Menschikoff to grapple with. If our War Minister has seen—and
accepted—the Astleian version of the Battle of Waterloo, where the
enemy gave way before a handful of supernumeraries and a gallipot full
of red fire, we cannot be surprised at the present war having been
carried on by our officials in the pasteboard and pastepot style which
has prevailed—or rather failed—at Sebastopol.

Case of Double Vision.

King Clicquot cannot be brought to see that the points demanded
by the Allies of the Emperor of Russia are only four. He will
insist that he perceives eight.