Punch (61.1871)

28 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 22, 1871.

SNAKE IN THE GRASS.

Zealous Adjutant (to one of his Men, ivho -is late at the Firing). " Don't Run,
don't Run ! There's plenty of Time ! "

London Volunteer (enviously). " 0, let him Run, if he Likes, Sir, and

keep himself warm ! "

insecurely over his head, he will take it and bestow it away himself, to the
comfort of all parties concerned.

Maxim for travelling.—A soft manner deprecates wrath, and a smile in
time saves frowns.

Mem. {in tram). Might make a series of maxims for travellers on the above
model very useful. Dedicate them to The Travellers. Call the volume Pas-
sengers' Proverbs.

Travelling Maxim No. 2.—The Early Passenger catches the Train.

Maxim 3rd.—An Unprotected First-class Female is a Crown to her Guard
(or half-a-crown at least.)

Maxim ith (for Guards and Railway Officials generally).—Look after the
First Class, and the rest can take care of themselves.

Maxim 5th.—One Sandwich does not make a luncheon.

Maxim &th (for Train Guides, new monthly).— Tempora mutantur, the
Times are changed.

Maxim 1th.—The Luggage that is unlabelled is lost.

Maxim Sth.—The Universal Railway Key that locks all carriages is a silver one.
Special Remark on the Railway in Devonshire.—These lines are fallen in
pleasant places.

BETS AND BUDGET.

If Mr. Robert Lowe were not wedded to the idea of raising revenue by
simply amercing the Income-tax payer, he might, as Finance Minister, turn
an honest penny by getting a clause added to the Government Betting Bill by
imposing a tax on bets, to be paid by the winner. He would thus derive
lucellum from a source which would yield it without the hardship of its ex-
traction out of lux. But probably, as the very principle on which he professes
to arrange taxation is that of making it disagreeable, Mr. Lowe's objection
to a Bet-tax would be the peculiarity that it would put nobody's pipe out.

TOMLINE THE MARE'S-NESTER.

Tomline found a mare's-nest,

Tomline he found two :
Never larger mare's-nest

M.P. dropt into!

Tomline his first mare's-nest

Found laid in the Mint;
Silver eggs, that won't hatch

Shillings, there were in't.

To look upon this mare's-nest,

And its eggs also,
Nothing would serve Tomline

But to drag Bob Lowe.

Bob, as he would show them,
Looked, but answered " Faddle!

Those your eggs, man ? Blow them!
Like your brain, they 're addle."

Finding his first mare's-nest

All so lightly reckoned,
Tomline, nothing daunted,

Went to find a second,

Where who looks for mares'-nests

Hath not far to look—
In the pathless jungle

Of our Statute book.

In that Book of Statutes,
Rightly called " at large,"

For mares to make their nests in,
There is maze and marge.

Thither Tomline took him.
Searched both low and high,

In four six Tert. Edward:
A mare's-nest he did spy !

Never finer mare's-nest

Man of Gotham saw—
Therein, bare i' th' Commons,

Lay eight men of law !

" Now stand by me, Bentinck,

Friend that never fails,
While 1 put," quoth Tomline,

" Salt upon their tails."

Bentinck held the salt-box,

Tomline took a pinch—
They have reached those law-birds

Tails, but 'twere an inch.

They have reached those law-birds

Tails, but 'twere an ell—
When of four six Tert. Edward :

Out the bottom fell!

And as in all things bottomless

Nothing caught will stay,
These eight little law-birds

Flew, uncaught, away!

Sadly then to Bentinck

Tomline spoke his woe :
" Shall I of my mares'-nests

Ne'er get egg to show

" Shall school-boy bird-nesters

Fair egg-trophies make,
Hang them in their studies,

Barter, blow, and break ?

" And shall I, still bent on

Oologic guests,
Ne'er catch a mare sitting ?

Still find empty nests ? "

Then spake Bentinck, soothing

Disappointment's fester:
'' If not Nestor of the Commons,

You are their Mares'-nester ! "

" The Best of all Good Company."--The Comedie Francaise. We were

only too sorry to part with such good company.