Punch (61.1871)

44

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

I August 5, 1871.

THE TWO HOGS.

(An Allegory, by Mr. Hohegreen.)

Theee be two Hogs, "both voreign-bred,
One on 'urn Black ; the t'other Red :
Which colours is by all men known

Together for the ofd un's Own.

The Zee o' Rome is that there place
Wherein fust rose the Black Hog's race.
In Paris wust Vrench pigs among,
The t'other Hog, the Red un, sprung.

These Hogs don't goo upon all-YOurs ;
But they be terreeable Bores.
And in their time ha' done wus work
Than e'er a Pagan or a Turk.

The Red and likewise the Black Boar
Was always equal apt to gore ;
And whomsomedever disagreed
Wi' either, them 'a massacreed.

Once, when the Black Hog's means was higher,
'A used to huck folks into fire,
But got his tuxes ground so low,
'A can't no longer sarve 'um so.

The Red Hog's vangs be still as keen

As any knife o' guillotine.

And only let 'um git a chance!

You 'ye sin what he've a done in France.

The Black Hog can't do what 'a 'ood,
But 'oodn't 'a tho' if 'a could ?
You hears un squale wi' rage and spite,
All which 'a'd act out if 'a might.

These voreign Hogs, o' differ'nt dye,
Have each his own partickler stye;
As two contrairy pigs requires,
They wallers in their separate mires.

To differ'nt mires they so incline
That they to death be rival swine,
Each other everywhere confronts,
And sets their bristles up, and grunts.

If them two Hogs could light it out,
That 'ood the thing be, just about.
Each med rip up the t'other one,
And two bad Pigs 'ood then be done.

THE SLANG OF THE DAY.

{Fragment of Fashionable Conversation.)

Youth. "A—awful Hot, ain't it?"
Maiden. "Yes, awful!" (Pause.)

Youth. "A—awful Jolly Floor for Dancing, ain't it?"
Maiden. "Yes, awful!" (Pause.)

Youth. " A—a—awful Jolly Sad about the poor Duchess, ain't it?"
Maiden. "Yes—quite too Awful--■" (And so forth.)

easily governed nation in the world." For fifty years, as Lord I Mr. Cavendish Bentinck caught a tremendous jobation from the

Ashley, or under his present title, he has been saying or doing good
and noble things—he did both to-night.

Message to both Houses to provide for Prince Arthur. The
wrong message was given to Mr. Gladstone, and by him to the
Speaker of the Commons, who read out that " the Queen, relying
on the attachment of the House of Lords——". Here the Right
Honourable Gentleman did not faint, but he came to a dead pause,
and the business was hastily huddled up, and a new Message pro-
mised for the Monday. A more awful incident is not on Parlia-
mentary record. Somebody must since have been recommended
to try Happy Dispatch. More Ballot. Discontent of Mr. Disraeli.
Conciliation by Mr. Forster.

Friday. Lord Cairns complained of the state of public business.
Not, perhaps, without reason, for he spoke on the 28th of July, and
there were Seventy-Three Bills, in various stages, to be dealt with,
besides the Army, Navy, and Educational Estimates. Lord Gran-
ville made a good point, in his defence, by reminding the Conser-
vatives that great delay had been caused in the Commons, by the
"unusual" way in which some of its business had been treated.
Lord Cairns was piteous about the holidays, "on arrangements
for which our whole social system was based." This is certainly an
elevated view of Margate, Southend, Grouse, and the Engadine,
but there is something in it.

Ballot. Of course, a scene with Mr. Whalley. The Chairman
would not notice some question Mr. W. put, but went on
writing; and when Mr. W. complained, a Minister told him that
''his observations were not worth an answer." Later, he brought
up his " grievance " again, and was promptly called to order by the
Speaker. _ The way the agents of Popery persecute this great and
arood man is truly shocking. Let us give him a Testimonial.

Attorney-General, for that Mr. C. B. (a barrister) tried to get an
opinion of the House on a matter that was sub judice. " So irre-
gular a proceeding had never been committed in that House." Mr.
Bentinck made the odd charge against the Irish Solicitor-
General, that he had cried Hear, hear! " in an Irish tone ! " With
these and other amenities, we made out the night pleasantly, and
separated at three in the morning.

The Crown Lands for the Cads.

A Contemporary notes, as a very significant circumstance, that,
in the People's Parks throughout the country, with which the Crown
and the Government have nothing to do, political meetings are
strictly forbidden. This circumstance is, indeed, very significant.
The People's Parks throughout the country are no special resort of
the richer and more refined classes. Seditious howls and menaces
would annoy all their frequenters.

Bird and Berry.

Your Gooseberry to its right use :
Great Gooseberry is for great Goose.

rather a drawback.

Cricket is generally considered a fine manly sport, with nothing
trickish about it; yet those who watch the game closely, cannot
help seeing a great deal of " underhand" work going on.