Punch (61.1871)

August 26, 1871.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

77

MENACE.

Little Angler (to her refractory Bait). " Keep Still, you tiresome little
Thing ! If you don't leave off Skriggling, I'll Throw you away, and

take another ! "

OUR LONDON JUGGERNAUT.

If a Civil Service candidate were asked whether the English were idolators of
Juggernaut, the chances are that his reply would be one of negation. Yet
assuredly in London a custom of human sacrifice exists, which bears a marked
resemblance to that which is assigned to the votaries of Juggernaut. Death
beneath the wheels of the carriage of the idol is paralleled in London by death
beneath the wheels of the carriages which roll along its overcrowded streets.
See here how many victims are annually sacrificed, through our idolatry of
negligent and rapid locomotion : —

" Counting up the losses in killed and wounded last year in the streets which lie outside
the City, we arrive at the terrible aggregate of 2043. This is an average of about 39 people
■every week, or six persons a day for the six busy days of the week and three for each
Sunday. Of these 2043 victims, 124 were killed, and 1919 wounded."

For Londoners who like walking, or are forced to take that exercise, this is
hardly an agreeable state of things to contemplate. And it may be worth our
while to know who chiefly may be thanked for it: —

"The cabs do a good deal of the damage, but they are not the worst offenders. They killed
11 people and wounded 429 during last year. The omnibuses killed 17 and hurt 8o ;
while carriages and broughams killed but two and injured 243. Heavy carts, waggons,
and vans killed 63 and wounded 462. But the worst offenders of all are the light carts
driven by tradesmen's boys and shopmen. These carts ran over 636 people during the year,
of whom 27 were killed."

The van demons are bad enough, but the butcher boys, and baker imps, and
grocer fiends are worse. Drivers of light carts are the heaviest offenders, for
they cause wellnigh one-third of the dangers of the streets. In Russia carts are
confiscated if they injure a foot passenger. But England is not yet so civilised
as Russia: at least, in the respect of paying proper heed to the safety of the
people who walk along the streets.

THE PLAGUE OE FLIES.

Here 's a health to a benefactor

Of his country and most mankind,
On the great world's stage no actor,

Nor a Power in the realms of Mind.
But he's one that hath well succeeded,

And his name shall for aye endure.
Few have done much more than he did

Who invented the Papier Moure.

He or she, we may know which never,

Has deserved to win the skies ;
May the Author live for ever

Of the Paper that kills the Flies.
Steeped in water it tempts their suction,

Then its deadly work is sure.
They 're enticed to their swift destruction,

Are the Flies, by the Papier Moure.

0 how often, reading or writing,

Have I sat with a mind distraught,
By their creeping, humming, and biting,

Till at last came the happy thought,
Of a bane for each fell annoyer ;

Little cost would the means procure—
An Avenger and a Destroyer,

I sent out for the Papier Moure.

Lo, they lie not a few upon it,

And a great many more all round,
The table-cloth lots hath on it.

On the carpet yet more abound.
They have drunk, they have died, they 're
demolished,

They are killed by a perfect Cure,
Executed, extinguished, abolished,

In a trice by the Papier Moure.

When in August the skies are blazing,

Then Beelzebub's legions swarm,
The weather those vile imps raising

In their myriads when 'tis warm.
Ah, but now I know how to lay them,

I defy the fiend impure ;
The tormentors, his brood, I slay them

With a small sheet of Papier Moure.

There's a chorus by Handel written,

Tivi-tivi, buz-wuz, biz-wiz;
But if Handel had ne'er been bitten

By the Flies, it had ne'er been his.
No such loss is to be lamented

By the musical amateur ;
Since old Handel's time invented,

Not too soon, was the Papier Moure.

As they li£ round strown and scattered,

Those Egyptian pests do me
Put in mind of invaders battered,

And blown up by land and sea.
But 0 would that their perdition

We were able to secure,
By some venomous composition

As dog-cheap as the Papier Moure!

ANARCHY FOR EVER!

Great Falling Off.

Beware of any undertaking which is announced with a flourish of trumpets.
The instruments on which the subsequent performances take place are too often
penny whistles.

At the Intimidation Meeting held the other Sunday in
Hyde Park, citizens in mock canonicals parodied the
Litany without molestation. Other citizens, as freely
hawked about a newspaper entitled the Republican,
recommending it as " the organ for smashing up kings,
queens, princes, and policemen." Of course no republic
which does not smash up policemen as well as sove-
reigns will satisfy the Reformers who assemble about
the "Reformers' Tree." Happy Reformers, to have
their Tree in Hyde Park! There was a time when the
only Reformers' Tree which could have been named in
relation to such Reformers stood at Tyburn.

mot by policeman b. 4.

The Watch-key of Progress.—"Move on!'