Punch (92.1887)

January 15, 1887.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAPJVAKL

33

comrades and colleagues fall out and disagree. If the wing of friendship should
nev« moult a feather, the Umbrella of Party should never he shut up or
misted, but always expanded and serene. Why should a Grand Old Min and a
if1 vr * 0lm& Min peg away at each other with mutual wiolence when all might

S and concord ? "Why not jine hands, and f orgit it ? "

ii S-'s the talk," cried the portly one, jovially.
, Sir," replied Mr. Swivellee, " don't you interrupt the Chair. Gentlemen,
ni^Ar *t 6 oase stam* uP°n tne Present occasion ? Here's a hoighty Grand
uitt Mm—-I say it with the utmost respect—and here's a spcrrity Grand Young
am. The hoighty-toighty G. 0. M. says to the sperrity G. Y. M., ' I 've
Drought you up and educated you; I've put you in the way of getting on in life;
you Jiave bolted a little out of the course, as young fellows often do ; and you
shall never have another chance, nor the ghost of half a one. The G. Y. M.
makes answer to this and says, ' You 're as uppish as uppish can be, you want
everything all your own way, you haven't done half as much for me, as I've
aone lor myself, and, for the matter of that, for you; you've had an uncommon
wng mmngs, yet you want all the batting to yourself, and the bowling too,

J7 y can't you stand aside a bit and let the pick of the promising colts have
n t™+r "^e &- °- Ml 11111:0 tnis retorts, not only that he declines to stand
out with that cheerful readiness which is always so agreeable and pleasant in a
gentleman of his time of life, but that he will blow ,up, and call names, and
?a i reflections whenever they meet. Then the plain question is, ain't it a
5; y *nat this state of things should continue, and how much better would it be
tot the old gentleman who is so fond of bossing the Show to fork over a reason-
able amount of authority unto others, and make it all right and comfortable all
round ? "

Having delivered this oration with much unction and considerable incisive-
ness, Mr. Swivellee abruptly thrust the head of his cane into his mouth, as
it to prevent himself from impairing the effect of his speech by adding one other

^Tord—at present.

*******

w 'Before I leave the gay and festive scene and halls of dazzling light," said

j r- Swivellee, "I will, with your permission, attempt one other slight remark.

j, came here this day under the impression that the Old Min was friendly.

j ?e™g that badgering, baiting, and bullying was not the sort of thing calcu-
Ted to expand the souls and promote the harmony of contending parties, I take
Pon myself to suggest a course which is the course to be adopted on the present

occasion. I'll put it in half a syllable:—The watchword to the Old Min,

"lendly ornot friendly, is—Fork! tl» _

" THE LAST STBA.W."

enevolent Briton discovered in the midst of his family, looking over ids accounts.

i ]Pencvolent Briton {inspecting his cheque-booh). "Well, my dear, I can only
wjf, y?*1 that, what with the fall in rents, and bad times generally, together
end .^usually large amount of charity calls that seem to have fallen on the
Ea«t°t year, I am left with a very small margin indeed. Guy's, and the
half jndon Palace, and the Church House, and the Southport business, and
think t0zen °ther extras all tacked on to the account. 'Pon my word I don't

1 can safely draw another penny.
Fund »' B' 0*1, but we must find something for the " Orphans' Emigration
i"f . . You must let'me have five pounds for that. "We have always given
lt< You know.

7?),^' {drawing cheque). Very well, my dear.
Indutt^i Miss B- B- And on> PaPa> there's the "Indigent Daughters'
dres.,1* i, .Home." You couldn't leave that without something. They're

^ 7?yrm want of money.

there' you }fraw*n9 another cheque). Ah, yes, to be sure, my dear. Very well,

"Hdnf MZmlers °f Me £• Family {in chorus). And then there's the
RefncF >?s teamen's Assistance Association," and the "Aged Sempstresses'
" Paun -ai!i the " Blind Clergy Asylum," and the " Street Soup Fund," and the
Thev ?uIlsed- Foreigners' Mission." Oh, Papa, you must give something to these.

-B ji T5Ut tt. dreadfully.
I reallv ' F*ny ^e several cheques). "Well, well,—there you are. But now
my T?fLr f11!!^ st°P- I reduced my balance to two figures, and scarcely see
really fnS end of tlle quarter. With the best will in the world one must
Prettv wn ate one's expenditure in this direction. However, I think we've
comes in n^wered all pressing appeals. Anyhow if anything else " urgent"
2>Qst ~> 1 can say is, it must wait.

a Zlves, bringing the B. B. an application, in an imposing envelope, from
Institute ?,omnnttee for a Suoscription for the forthcoming " Imperial

quartet (rea<?in9 application). Hullo! What's this? Want to raise a
all. rW+ \ milll°u, do they ? Well, they '11 have to do it without me, that's
ry^.tdoitjustnow. I'm dried up.

X°S aPPlicati°n ™t° waste-paper basket, and returns cheque-booh to
lifoflT' ~^n^ a 9reat manV other Britons, more or less benevolent, do

wewise

PtTNl

Punch'Tvlf 0^0™ Fulfilled.—Right again! Always Eight! See Mr.
Goschew M ?.y P°rtrait, No. 44, Aug. 13, 1881, of the Eight Hon. G. Joachim
de Convert,i"!,anii the Cartoon Junior for Aug. 9,1884, entitled, " Tin Manage
"■ance, about Lord Salisbury and Random Churchill.

'CYCLING

Trips btj D. Crambo, Junior.

Tanned 'em ? A Bone Shaker.

ORDER, OEDER!
The P. M. G. last Friday asked whether " the Theatri-
cal Managers in conjunction with Sir Charles Washes'
could not introduce into London the simple and orderly
feature of the French queue." The " orderly feature "
already exists in the crowd at most theatre doors. Not
that this is what the P. M. O. means, but the " queue "
system might be more frequently insisted on at Eailway
Stations, on great race-days for example. When the
crowd arrives unexpectedly, Sir Charles Warren, or
one of his agents, could be sent for. Sir Charles's in-
timation to the Managers would be a quotation, adapted
from the Midsummer Night's Dream, " When your
queue comes, call me ! "

The New Catiline.

"Abut"—He left the'Cabinet.
"Bxcessit"—Ke used strong language.
"JEvasit"—He said it was the Estimates.
"JErupit"—He joined the Radicals.

Song for Lord Salisbury.—" Look at the price of
Coal-ition ! "___

SEASONABLE DISH FOB A LIBERAL BANQUET.

CoLLABD HEAD.'