Punch (95.1888)

36 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 21, 1888.

subject. Rising from Woolsack to-night, and compelling respectful
attention of Rowton, moved Resolution to effect that action of Com-
mons in the matter should be ignored.

" Let us," he said, dropping into modern English, " assume a
don't-know-yahair towardsthesefellows. That'll
rile 'em more than anything else."

Suggestion unanimously adopted. Noble Lords
adjourned in condition of high elation.

A set of common persons," said that other
Plantagenet Peer, Brabotjrne% " Teach 'em to
mind their own business. Think we could get
on very well without the Commons. Save time
and expense. At any rate, won't have them dic-
tating to Us. A Peer not to interfere in a Par-
liamentary Election, forsooth ! Then what's to
become of Me and my personal influence ? "

Business done. — In Commons,
pegging away at Local Government

Tuesday. — Old Mohaxity ap-
peared at Table with bulky bundle
of copybook headings. Desire to
do our duty; animated by one
feeling-; nothing further from our
thoughts; most anxious to meet
views of House; no desire to affect
legitimate discussion; profoundly
regret; a great property in which
the nation has a deep, a large, and
a vested interest; would not use
the power placed in our hands to
interfere with the liberties of Hon.
" Attention! " Members ; I may be allowed to

travel somewhat farther, and say ;
certainly, Sir; always guided by a due sense of my responsibility;
desire to act in the interests of the public service; in this I do not
wish to be understood; when I say this, I must also state ; we
should not be justified in allowing ; I am afraid we should not think
it right; and so on, leading up to final conclusion to appropriate all
the time of the House for Government business.

Sage of Queen Anne's Gate jeeringly criticises proposals. Doctor
Grandolph, LL.D., much distressed at this frivolity. Severely
birches Sage. Then turns upon Government, tears to shreds the
amiable copybook headings, sprinkles Treasury Bench with frag-
ments. Old Mobility proposes to take Local Government Bill
through Committee, pass all Supply, adjourn early in August, resume
for Autumn Session at the end of October. Dr. Grandolph demon-
strates practical impossibility of this arrangement. Shall be here
till September carrying out first part of programme. How could
House be asked to meet again in October ?

" Grandolph's quite right," said Bates, clasping his hands in
habitual devotional attitude. "If programme's carried out, shall
certainly have an Autumn Session, but it '11 last
straight through from now till November."

Bad quarter of an hour on Treasury Bench.
Deliverance from unexpected quarter. Gladstone
takes Government under paternal wing.

" Keep your eye on your father," he says, " and
your father will pull you through."

So he does, insisting as price of deliverance that
Life Peerages Bill shall be abandoned. Old Mo-
rality gratefully gasps forth assent. Message sent
across to Lords. Been debating' Life Peerages Bill
all night. Just agreeing to read it a Second Time
when Old Morality's note arrived. The Markiss
boils over with rage; nothing for it but to drop Bill,
which he does in magnificent passage of withering
scorn. Sends note to Old Morality to say would
like to see him for few minutes.

0. M. sends back word, very busy indeed. In fact
has an urgent summons to other end of town. Back
d'reckly.

Business done.—Autumn Session arranged for.

TheYen.andRev. Thursday/.—Lords having it all their own way this
week. Commons not in it. To-night, all the world
knows that The Macalltjm More is to move Vote of Confidence in
Government with special reference to Irish Administration. Ordi-
nary attractions of speech by the Dook increased by natural curiosity
as to issue. Will the Lords pass Resolution, or will Opposition, mus-
tering in overwhelming force, defeat it ? Quite exciting prospect.
Nothing like little uncertainty to make debate draw.

Walking towards House beheld three cloaked figures, cautiously
proceeding- along Corridor. Knew them at once, in spite of disguise
and shrinking gait. 'Twas Granville, Spencer, and Rosebery,
helping each other along, mutually cheerful.

" I at least will die hard," said the Red Earl, plucking a dagger
from his boot.

"Ha! ha!" said Rosebery, resolutely, though with slight
tendency to chattering of teeth.

"We must dissemble," said Granville. " Argyll's a terrible
man when blood of Macallitji Mobe boils."
A crowded House. Privy Councillors throng steps of Throne.

M.P.'s packed in pens at Bar. Look-
wood seized opportunity to make sketches
for his forthcoming portrait of " Duke of
Argyll as Bantam Cock, Crowing on his
Own Dunghill." Peers' benches crowded.
Bishops in lawn, Ladies in side Galleries,
and in high feather.

" Glad I didn't carry out first intention
to come in kilt," said the Macalltjm
More, modestly glancing at galleries,
whence fifty pair of bright eyes scanned
his manly form.

Just as preKminarybusiness cleared off,
Stbatheden and Campbell blew their
nose. In the distance sounded something
like earliest effort at tuning bagpipe.
Macalltjm Mobe started like ancient
war-horse at sound of trump. A great
occasion. Rose to its full height and
his own. Perhaps a little historical in
his treatment of subject. Had avowedly
come to praise the present Government.
Lagged on the way to bang Gladstone on
the "head and scarify Spencer. Pretty
to see the Red Earl, when opprobrium
heaped upon him, stoop and furtively
feel if the dagger was still in his boot.

For full hour by Westminster clock
Macalltjm More enjoyed himself. Pre-
sently would have pleasure of hearing
~ , ,. , „ „ the Markiss and others extol his speech,

Our Artist «.0. whilfjt Opposition feebly struggled against

flood of eloquence and force of argument. The debate would stand
out in forefront of historic battles royal. London would ring with
it in the morning, and the distant glades of Inverary faintly echo its
grander passages. Everybody wound up to fever-heat by his elo-
quence ; yearning to join'in fray. Better not take up too much time.
So at end of hour and quarter sat down. Gazed naughtily round
attentive Senate. Who in the urgent race would win the prize of
place and immediately follow him ? The black-browed Markiss, the
glucosic Gbanville, the Red Earl with his secreted weapon, or the
ribald Rosebery, capable of speaking disrespectfully of the Equator ?
{Did the other day actually allude to Dook as a " portentous political
pedagogue.") A wondering silence fell over the crowded benches.
A rustle of garments, a murmur of whispered^ conversation, some-
thing like a titter rippling along Front Opposition Bench, and then
—the Lord Chancellor on his feet putting the Question !

It was all over. The House had listened, and concluded with one
accord that there was nothing in the oration suggesting reply.
Debate a monologue. Opposition broke forth into unseemly laughter,
Ministerialists answered with angry cheer. As for the Macalltjm
More he could not understand it.

"A low practical joke," he said, glancing suspiciously at Rose-
bery ; then with head thrown back, and chest more than eyer pro-
tuberant, he stalked forth.
Business done.—Local Government Bill inCommons.

Friday. — Gog and Magog had their noses pulled to-night-
Pickersgill proposed to deprive Corporation of ancient right to
appoint to the offices of Recorder and Common Serjeant. Attorney-
General said " No." Much cheering from Gog and Magog. Then
Grandolph supported Amendment. Henry James followed; Old
Morality capitulated; Gog and Magog groaned.

Btisiness done.—Local Government Bill advancing by leaps and
bounds.

THE PARK NEAR RICHMOND HILL.

{An Old Story with a New Burthen.)

Near Richmond Hill there stands
a Park,
Right fair at eve or morn;
To claim it for the'' Men of Mark,"

Moves most to rage or scorn.
Though Volunteers earn patriot
cheers,

And Punch's right goodwill,
He must decline to thus resign
The Park near Richmond Hill.

How foolish would the Public
prove,

Which calls the Park its own,
To yield the verdant glade we love

To tents and butts alone!
Pothunters "pot" at Aldershot,

There show your marksman
skill; [of toil

But oh! don't spoil for thralls

Our Park near Richmond Hill!

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