Punch (95.1888)

December 22, 1888.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

291

Oh, bother Sir James Mackintosh ! Plague on Sir

Samuel RoMllly !!
They started this confounded game. Well, well, we've

lived on ohummily
For close upon a century ; now we must say our Vale .'
Humanity h too much at last for Newgate and Old

Bailey. Oh ! Old Bailey, unfortunate Old Bailey'
Now forth we fare, upon the night like Sampson Brass

and Sally

In Dickens's description; with our fate it seems to tally.
Old, hideous, unregretted, like twin spectres prowling
palely,

Two shivering forms 'midst shades obscene, Old New-
gate and Old Bailey.

Oh! Old Bailey, unfortunate Old Bailey!

Moral.

Ye callous selfish, warning take by this most sad
example,

Beware how on humanity and pity's claims ye trample.
Remember bad old Newgate and the horrors done there
daily.

And its kindred ghoul, the blundering and bullying Old
Bailey. Oh ! Old Bailey, detestable Old Bailey !

QUITE UN-BAB-ABLE.

" The Hardwicke Society (consisting of Barristers and Law
Students) has unanimously condemned the fusion of the two
branches of the legal profession, ' having regard to the recently
expressed opinion of the Attorney-General that Barristers are
at liberty, in non-contentious business, to deal direct with
clients.' Several Barristers declared their intention of acting on
the opinion so expressed."—Daily Paper.

Scene—Chamber in the Temple belonging to Mr. P. T.
Labsny, that '' rising Junior." Time—Shortly after
the Meeting above referred to.

Enter Yirago.

Virago [tailing a chair violently). I know yer !

Mr. Larsny [nervously). Hem! I can't say I have
the pleasure-

Virago. Oh, yes. Don't pertend as 'ow yer don't get
coves off at the Ole Bailey. They calls you the Artful
Dodger there.

Mr. Larsny. Highly gratifying, I'm sure. But may
I ask what's the object of your visit f

Virago. I've bin pitching into that vixen. Jemima Ann
Talboys, and now I'm 'ad up for it.' And I wants yer to
defend me, o'course. {Confidentially.) Ain't I a right
to knock 'er 'ead 'arf hoff when she calls me—{repeats
names with gusto) ? I wants yer to tell the Jedge and
Jury that I 'ave a right; that's all.

Mr. Larsny. But you ought to have gone to a Solici-
tor, my good woman.

Virago {rising^ threateningly). Don t let me ketch you
a-callin me a good woman again, young man!

Mr. Larsny {getting behind a desk). Oh no, certainly
not. {Aside.) Her business certainly seems likely to
be of a contentious character. Wonder what the At-
toeney-Genebal and the Bar Committee would like me
to do under these circumstances. Wish some of them

WGTG llGfG

Virago [slaps down six-and-eightpence on table viciously).
There's yer fee. Now, are ye a gom' to defend me or

Mr. Larsny. Hem! Rather a small fee. {To Virago.)
I should be extremely pleased, I'm sure, to have such a
client; but, you see, if I undertake this part of your case,
I can't defend you in Court. I can advise you, and all
that; but, as you 're already summoned, if you want me
to take up your case, you '11 have to—consult a Solicitor.

Virago {with contempt). That's the law, is it, eh?

Mr. 'Larsny. Yes. Or, perhaps {a happy idea striking
him of paying off an old grudge) you might call at this
address at Lincoln's Inn—Mr. Snooks—he's a Chancery
Barrister. I should like him to see you. I'm sure he'd
be grateful to me for introducing him to you.

Virago {with rising fury). Don't you gammon me!
Chancery! I '11 put yer blessed 'ead there, if yer try
any games on me.' ....

Mr. Larsny {aside). Really, this interviewing of clients
has its objectionable side. Wonder how Solicitors manage
it. {To her.) I am very sorry I can't take up your case.
It's against the rules of the Bar.

THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.

(A WINTER HEALTH EESOET.)

Enthusiastic Lady Visitor. "What a delightful place this is, Professor.
And the Baths, how perfect 1 I could bathe all day—couldn't you '" '
The Professor. "Well, you see, I'm a resident, and that makes a
difference !"

Lady Visitor. "Ah! to be sure. I suppose you never even think of
taking a Bath ! "

Virago {trying to get at Mr. Labsny, who dodges behind various pieces of
furniture, furiously). Bar! You, &c, &c. What do you know of bars ? Never
a-bin inside one in yer life, or ye wouldn't 'ave a mug like a blank baker's

ghost, yer wouldn't. Tell me to go to a S'l'ctor! Go there yerself, yer-

[TLurls a volume of abuse and the Law Reports at Mr. Labsny's head, takes
up her money, and exit, violently knocking over the Clerk in her way
out. Mr. Labsny is left ruminating as to whether personal interviews
with Clients are really consistent with the dignity of the Bar or not.

An Eably Risee.—We have always held the talents of Sir Henby Leland
Haeeison, I.C.S., the popular Commissioner of Police and Chairman of the
Corporation of Calcutta, in respect, but we had no idea until we read the
biography of the Hon. gentleman in Don's Peerage, Baronetage, and Knightage
of Great Britain and Lreland, that his promotion had been quite so rapid as it
seems to have been. According to Dod, Sir Henby, who was born in 1857
entered in 1860, (after being _ educated at Westminster and Christ Church'
Oxford) the Indian Civil Service when he was only three years old! At ten
(1867) he was Junior (very junior!) Secretary to the Government of Bengal a
position he relinquished at the not very mature age of fourteen (in 1871) 'to
become Magistrate and Collector of Midnapore. Seemingly he dispensed justice
to the satisfaction of the Indian Government until he was promoted on coming
of age (in 1878) to the post of Secretary to the Board of Revenue. A year later
he was elected a Member of the Rent Commission, and at four-and-twenty (1881)
appointed to the Commissionership of Police and Chairmanship of the Corpora-
tion of Calcutta, which he has "doubled" for the last seven years to the great
benefit of that important city and its neighbourhood. If the rise of Sir Henby
in the future is as rapid as it has been in the past, there seems to be no reason
why he should not appear in Dod as Governor-General of India long before he
is forty. Finally, it is to be hoped that no mistake has been made in the date of
Sir Heney's birth (which Dod, it will be seen, declares to have occurred in 1857)
as such an error may possibly cause disappointment in the breasts of those
proud parents of precocious children who, encouraged by the brilliant career thus
chronicled, may have already recognised in the Indian Civil Service the best and
earliest possible opening for infants in arms.

A Yeey-much Maeeied Man.—The "Hub" of the Universe.