Punch / Almanack: Punch / Almanack (1860)

PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOB 1860

Tjiat Estimable Mas, Mb. Punch, goes for a Ride on hts Cob, and cannot agree with a certain Worthy Magistrate, or “Beak,” that Street Tumbling

is at all a Clever, or Desirable Performance

A Natural Philosopher.—A candidate for the Public
Service, being asked to exemplify the correlation of physical
forces, instanced a blue pill and a black dose.

Siavery and Art.—An artist travelling in Virginia nar-
rowly escaped being tarred and feathered for expressing bis
admiration of the freedom of Titian’s brush, and bis respect
for him as a man of colour.

Malapropism.—A good old lady, having occasion to mention
a work by a great contemporary historian, denominated it
Micawber's History of England. Subsequently, referring to
the arrangement which terminated the late Italian war, the
dear old soul called it the Treatise of Villafranca.

fMonotony.—The Austrians are so tired of a paper currency,
mat they are anxious for anything, by way of change.

Extreme Politeness, — Pickpocket, to Policeman. I say,
your handkerchief is hanging out. You ’ll have your pocket
picked, if you don’t take care.

The Banks op the Tiber.—Crassus was the richest man
of his time among the ancient Komans. Who were his
bankers? If the opulent Triumvir had a banker, Mr,

Cassius.

CLASSICAL1TY FOIt THE
MONTH.

March is called from Martius,
Mars. He was not much respected
by the ancients, nor is he by the
moderns, chiefly on account of an
unpopular ceremony which they
are liable to perform on the 25th of
his month. His two horses, Flight
and Fear, typify another ceremony
sometimes performed a few days,
or rather nights, before that date,
when the goddess Dictynna is
metaphorically said to he shot.
Magpies were sacrificed to him, and
gossipping old women (happily)
suffer severely by his blasts. He
was father of Harmonia, and about
this time concert-givers begin to
tout for gratuitous assistance from
professionals. He was called Ma-
vors, yet soldiers seldom know
much of the spelling-book. He
electrified Electryon (for omitting
to call him one morning), by turn-
mg him into a cock, and hence
cocks were shied at on Shrove
Tuesday.

PROFESSIONAL NURSERY
RHYME.
COSTERMONGER.

Bless his little heart!

(Draw his little cart;

Here’s his carrots, turnips, peas
and beans,

Sparrow-trra83 and kail,
Artichokes tor sale,
Cauliflowers, cabbages, and greens.

Heartless Hoax.—An agricul-
“inst in London, on the first of
April, goes to the Zoological Gar-
dens with a recommendation, which
he follows, to a‘k to be shown the
two-horned Dilemma,

—and, it is not a Pleasant Thing, when goino out to Dinner, to have a Summersault turned on

TO TOUR SXOM-WE MEAN WAISTCOAT.

MR. PUNCH’S ENTO-
MOLOGICA L RECREATIONS.

TAPE-WORMS.

The peculiar variety known as
the red-tape worm will be found
especially abundant in the War
Office and the Admiralty, where
this mischievous reptile breeds so
fast, and attains such dimensions
as to be an obstruction to all busi-
ness. The red tape-worm is pecu-
liarly insidious and determined in
its attacks on all new inventions
or improved business machinery,
coiling itself round and round, and
impeding the working of such con-
trivances, and often rendering them
as entirely unusable, as the white
ants are said to do with furniture
in India. Many ingenious inven-
tors of excitable temperament have
fallen victims to the slow but sure
attacks of the red tape-worm—
which, like some other of the
ascarides, has a tendency to mul-
ti ply itself.

•

PROFESSIONAL NURSERY
RHYME.

BUTCHER.

Little boy blue, come take your
steel,

Sharpen your knife to cut up your
veal •

Dicky’s a man, and so don’t cry
Anything else but “ Buy, buy,

’buv! ”

The Military Line.—Captain
Baggs, of the Commercial or T. G.
Rifle Volunteers, describes himself
and his gallant Company as Baucis
and Co.

The Law.—Its theory (says poor
Mr. Briefless) is far better than
its practice.