Punch / Almanack: Punch / Almanack (1860)

ARTIFICIALITIES.

Artificial Flowers.—The Pink of Fa-
shion is a flower that generally is extremely
artificial.

Artificial Memory.—Theknotsin one’s
pocket-handkerchief, or drawings in chalk,
such as one’s milk-score, or the cartoons
and cabalistic signs drawn by beggars on
those houses that are not favourable to their
calling. Artificial Memory is also the recol-
lection of favours that have been received.
It is so artificial, that it is only the expecta-
tion of favours to come that manages to
keep it alive.

Artificial Ice. — The reception one
meets with when, dropping-in, self-invited,
•ne happens to be the thirteenth at dinner.

“Feu d’Ap.tifice.” — The old Greek
Fire, the artifice of which was so know-
ing, that the trick has not exploded even to
the present day. A fire of compliments, let
oil' by a fashionable Frenchman, may, like-
wise, be compared to a “Feu d’Arliiice,'’
the artifice being merely the transparency
of a false flame; and so ridiculously trans-
parent, that every young lady, who has
11 er eyes and senses about her, must instantly
see through it.

REASONS WHY I WEAR CRINOLINE.

Extorted from Miss Busselton, by one who
owns himself a Brute.

1. Because it’s quite the thing to wear it.

2. Because you know everybody has got to
Wear it now.

3. Because it sets one off so.

4. Because gentlemen admire it so. (Oh,
yes, they may say they don’t, but I know'
quite well they do.)

5. Because—well, you know one doesn’t
always want to have one’s ancles criticised.

fi. Because—well, now I’m sure it’s very
tiresome in you to keep on questioning me
so, and I’ve really a good mind not to say
another word to you.

"■ Because—Oil, you really want to knowT
my real reason, do you? Well, then. Mr.
Curious, I wear Crinoline because I like it,
Sir. And I don't care whether you do.

Poes an impatient noble resemble hashed
bullock’s heart?

N o! Because the longer he is kept waiting,
the hotter be gets.

PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1860.

THE FASHION FOR NEXT SUMMER.

Flora “ There ! I don’t think the Stupid Men can Laugh at us now.1”

CLASSICALITY FOR THE MONTH.

May is so called from Maia. She was a
daughter of Atlas, and sensible people now
take down their maps, and arrange their
summer tour, instead of waiting on the
fashions. She was the mother of Mercurv.
and that accounts for the quicksilver in
tli« thermometers dancing so much wiih
joy to see her. She had six sisters, and she
and all the rest, except one, made crack
matches, but poor Merope was obliged to
put up with a mortal. lienee, when they
were all made Pleiades, Merope’s star had
finly one burner and no reflector, while her
sisters all shine out like Mr. Way’s mar-
vellous light. Let young ladies think of
this when flirting at Exeter Hall or Epsom.

SOCIAL SUGGESTIONS.

BY MRS. ARTFULLE DODGERE.

When you receive your guests, be sure
to tell them what a number of disappoint-
ments you have had, and how the Lion of
the day (whom you know you dared not
ask) was laid up with bronchitis, and so
prevented coming.

If you have been so lucky as to catch
some titled people, take care to tell your
greengrocer to bawl their names out extra
loudly when, as footman, he announces
tuem.

In making out your dance list, introduce
the Caledonians and similar antiquities.
The philosophic mind may' derive some
entertainment from a study of the strug-
gles to which they will give rise. But be
ready to come forward as a dea ex ma-
chind—and having the directions for the
figures in your hand—to act the part of the
director in the maze at Hampton Court.

It being considered vulgar now-a-days to
eat much, of course you need not go to
great expense about refreshments. A light
repast is all that it is fashionable to give—
i. e„ lots of gas, and little lobster salad.

With regard to wine, you can give your
guests champagne at a very small expense,
if you do not mind giving such as will be
sure to play Old Gooseberry with them.
Tlie worse the wine is, recollect, the less
will people drink of it. Nobody expects to
get good wine at evening parties, and it is
just as well that nobody be disappointed.

One Advantage of Living in Lodgings.
— lull evade die Income- fax.

Our friend, Briggs, receives a Pressing Invitation to come over again to

Ireland during the Hunting Season, and have a Week with the Gat way Blazers
[Mu. B. says he should like it extremity, as he has never ridden in a Slone U nil mvvtrv-

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