Punch / Almanack (1880)

December 12,1879.]

PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1880

THE CAD’S CALENDAR:

g.

May ! The month o’ flowers.
Spooney sell!

“ Rum ’ot with,” is wot I likes to
smell.

Beats yer roses holler. A chice
weed

Licks all flowers that e?er run to
seed.

Nobby button’oler very well

When one wants to do the ’eavy
swell;

Otherwise don’t care not one brass
farden,

For the best ever blowed in Covent
Garden.

Fan, though, likes ’em, costs a
pretty pile,

Rayther stiff, a tanner for a smile.

Blued ten bob last time I took ’er
out,

Left my silver ticker up the spout.

Women are sech sharks ! If I
don’t drop ’er,

Guess that I shall come a hawful
eropper!

LTTCUS A NON LUCENDO.

(At a Municipal Election.)

First Voter. I’ve just been and
plumped for Carter.

Second Voter. Plumped for Car-
ter ! Why I don’t believe you
know him.

First Voter. No ; that’s why I
vote for him. He may be an honest
man. I know the others.

Hint to the Trade.—Bring
out a new choker, and call it the
‘ ‘ Sm: per coU ; ”

CUMULATIVE !

' Towriat((m Scotch Steamer). " I sat. Steward, how do tow expect anybody to dry
their Hands on this Towbl ? It’s as Wet as if it had bbkn dipped in the Sba ! ”
Steward. “ Aweel—depped or no deppfd, there’s a Hundred Four hae used the

TOOWL, AND IE ’HE THE FURKST THAT ’« GliUMHELT >”

THE CAD’S CALENDAR,

3une.

June ! A jolly month ; sech
stunning weather 1

Fan and I have lots of outs to-
gether :

Rorty on the river, sech prime
’unts,

Foul the raeers, run into the punts.

Prime to ’ear the anglers rave and
cuss,

When in quiet “ swims ” we raise
a. muss.

Snack on someone’s lawn upon the
quiet,

Won’t the owner raise a tidy riot

When he twigs our scraps and
broken bottles ?

Cheaper this than rustyrongs or
hottles.

Whitsuntide ’ud be a lot more gay

If it wam’t so near to Quarter-
day.

Snip turns sour, pulls “county-
courting ” faces.

Must try and land a little on the
Races.

AN UNFAIR PROCEEDING.

Brunetta protests against the
partiality shown by public writers
in addressing her sex as “ our fair
readers.” She hopes in future
that this formula will he changed
to “our fair and dark readers.”

A Theatrical Speculation.
•—Take Drury Lane, produce Co-
riolanMS gorgeously, and call it
Frwriolanus.

An Incorrigible Offender.
—A Drinking Fountain,

“TEMFORA MUTANTUR.”

The Bishop (to hisyowmgest amcl favourite. Son). “Now, why shouldn't you adopt the stage as a Profession, Theodore? Lord Ronald Beaumanoir, who’s a Year younger
than yourself, is already getting sixteen guineas a week for Low Comedy Parts at the Criterion ! The Duchess told me so herself only yesterday ! ”