Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (2.1842)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

87

Here Grunt had an opportunity of becoming acquainted with some
of our leading writers—for the streets ; and it is to his position at
Pitts's that he owes the style of his compositions, which have been
further improved by an engagement which he subsequently held
under the well-known Mr. Catnach, the Mectenas of modern mur-
derers.

It would be impossible to trace Grunt from place to place, and
from attic to attic, during the period of his early struggles ; it would
be a search worthy only of a Levy or a Davis, and we therefore de-
cline attempting it. During his latter years he has distinguished
himself by the perfection to which he has carried the art of memory,
by writing Recollections of people about whom he did not merely
forget all he knew, but of whom he never at any time knew any-
thing. He was afterwards engaged in the equally ingenious process
of giving portraits of people whose features he is wholly unac-
quainted with, and executing copies without possessing the smallest
knowledge of the originals. Grunt is personally of the middle height,
but intellectually of the lowest stature. His face has a brassy com-
plexion, and he carries in his eye all his talent—while he sees none
the worse for it.

A FEW LINES FROM MR. JOSEPH MUFF.

LOVE AND MAMMON.

Demi friend, I'm glad to meet you here,

But, scarce know what to say,
For such an angel I have seen

At your mama 's to-day !
Of fairer form than Venus when

She trod the Grecian shore;
And then such splendid hair and eyes

I never saw before.

Her air and manners were diTine,

Above all petty arts ;
Oh surely she was form'd to reign

The peerless queen of hearts.
Dear Bob, we have been college friends,

And friendship's still the same,
Now only tell me who she is_

Oblige me with her name.

' Fine hair and eyes ! The Queen of Hearts !

Who can she be ?—Oh, yes !
I know her now!—Why, Frederick, that's

My sister's Governess ! "
Your sister's Governess ! Indeed

I thought it might be so ;
She looks genteel—but still there is

About her something low.

TOAST AND SENTIMENT.

(Staportetj ^Parliamentary Effects.

Lord Radnor, who is sometimes rather funny, one day last week con-
gratulated their Lordships on the admission of turtle duty free ; so his
Lordship had been informed by Gunter—not he of the sca/e,'but of Berke-
ley-square. The Earl of Ripon, on the popular notion that turtle par-
taking of the character of fish, flesh, and fowl, said there was a doubt how
to class it at the Custom-house. That same Gunter once, when ice was
scarce, sent to Norway for a shipful ; the ice was entered in the Custom-
house books as " dry goods." Gunter appealed against the duty; the
Commissioners of Customs sent him to the Lords of the Treasury, 'who in
their turn sent him back to the Customs. " Ay," observed Lord Jock
Campbell," by which time the ice had melted, and Gunter could run his
dry goods in the face of the revenue officers."

Lord Campbell has not combed his head once in the house since he was
made a Peer !

My Dear Old Punch Clodpole, Feb. 20, 1842.

It is now two months since I last wrote to you, so I thought you would
not object to see what I have been about. I know you take an interest in
all my proceedings.

I got my surgery a little into order soon after Christinas, and hung up
a lamp at my door : such a stunner—with red and blue shades, and a pestle
and mortar on the top. The very first evening I put it up, Jack Randall
took it down again, and carried it on to the railroad, where it stopped the
down mail-train, the engineer mistaking the red bull's-eye for the signal
at the station. Jack's a splendid chick, but a little too larky. He fills my
leech jar with tadpoles and water-efts ; and the fellows he brings to see me
have walked into all my Spanish Liquorice and Confection of Roses. He
likewise never passes my house, as he comes home late from a party, but
he pulls the night-bell almost dean away, and when I put my head out of
the front second floor to know what's the matter, expecting nothing short
of a guinea case, he sings out " Lur-li-e-ty," and asks if I have got any
beer in the house. I am, however, obliged to put up with this, for he is a
prime chap at heart, and will do anything for me. He quite lived on the
ice during the frest, tripping everybody up he could come near ; and whe-
ther he injured them seriously or not, I know the will was good, and was
therefore much obliged to him.

Of course, at present, my patients are rather select than numerous, but
I think the red lamp and brass-plate may entice a few. I had a glorious
case of dislocation of the shoulder last week, and nearly pulled the fellow
in half, with the assistance of two or three bricklayers who were building
next door, and a couple of jack-towels. I have not been paid for it; but
the best of the matter is, the other doctor tried first and couldn't reduce it,
because he had no bricklayers at hand. This has got my name up rather.

I see a correspondent of yours, L. S. B., Bart., has been very irritated
at my calling the country people c/rubs. What would he have me term
them ? I'm sure he is a tolerably fair specimen of the class. They are
terrible Goths down here. Not one in twenty can read or write ; and so
all my dispensing labels which I tie on the bottles are quite thrown away
A small female toddled into the surgery the other day, and horrified me
by drawling out—

A POSITIVE FACT.

Bryant has a barometer ot such surprising powers, that he can make it rain

lever he pleases.

" If you please, Sir, mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with
the mixture ! " This might have been serious, for the lotion contained a
trifle of poison ; but Jack and 1 started off directly ; and as it happened
very luckily to be washing day, we drenched the stupid woman with soap-
suds and pearlash, until everything was thrown oft' the stomach, including,
I expect, a quantity of the lining membrane. This taught me a lesson
that a medical man should always have his instruments in order ; for if
Jack had not borrowed my stomach-pump to squirt at the eats with, a
good deal of bother might have been avoided.

As soon as 1 can get a little settled, you shall hear from me again. In
the mean time, believe me

Yours rather much than otherwise,

Joslph Muff.

" Punch, do you know the root o four ? "—Not exactly :—but 1 know the root to too