Punch or The London charivari (3.1842)

PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

37

PHYSIOLOGY OF THE LONDON IDLER.

chapter v,-concerning exhibition loungers.

I? E T us imagine

"\f J \ j that the whole of

the Regent-street
idlers belong to the
■^y* class of loungers

n^^v/ already pourtray-

^- f^^)^^,. e(^- There are very

I sHiP^iiL many, blest with
I r—\ H^tr,^ar something like
gg^jjl \c'^WmjlL^ avocations and re-
X^^l mmmmmm .JT'" sources, who are
never^ie^ess Ia-ir
c^r^»^ilj8^pfe^~ sPecmiens of the
fj JL l5ffiM|ps= class. These are
•''feSPU^BES generally^ young
j^fljHl W sikMr wS= lneu) residing in
||lfi|pf|\ 1 ^*Sk.f chambers, keeping
IBPjgPk Ipgip—their terms, and
~t^^r£^^^^|g^^e^=jg^^|^i^^Bji^ ali sorts of things

^ ■f\Jr>- - j^^p^/C besides, and read-
__I_—--■--• ••• ing for the bar,

'flllp; of wine on certain

U -~ days at the Middle

Temple Hal], practising the flute, violin, or eornet-a-piston, as the
■case may be, in their rooms, and giving perpetual breakfasts to each
■other, more especially if they chance to have been out together the
■antecedent evening.



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This meal lasts from twelve to three, K_pks ozc moins," and consists
of coffee, tea, stout, sherry, chops, eggs, herrings, and broiled ham—the
parties being arrayed in slippers and shooting-jackets or borrowed
dressing-gowns. The tenour of the conversation is as follows :_

" Devilish nice party ; but I feel wretchedly seedy after it."

"Have some beer. What a splendid set of girls the Howards
always do contrive to scrape together."

" I say, Hal, did you find out who that was you waltzed with after
-supper ?"

"Made it all safe, sir. She's going to Kensington Gardens on
Saturday. What do you think she said ?"
" I don't know—let's have it."
"Shove that bottle of stout over here, Fred."
" What a funny speech for a girl ! "

" No, no—nonsense ; she told me her people were going to give a
party on the 6th, and I should have an invitation. They live in
Harley-street; all right—Governor's a West India merchant."

" She's got tin, then I"

" I expect so ; and what a neck and shoulders !—Phew ! "
"Have you been to Dovv's lately ?"

« No—'pon my soul I'm ashamed. It's so long since I called ■ I
must though. Did you read Piatt's speech ?"

" Rather !—capital !—pass the pepper."
And so on for an indefinite period.

These specimens of the London Idler attach themselves to the
same haunts as the others we have just mentioned, but they have
usually more money, and a larger circle of acquaintance; indeed,
the front of the rim of their hat becomes so limp from the constant
bows they make during an afternoon's stroll, that they are com-
pelled, after a while, to turn it hind-side before for convenience.

To this class the varied exhibitions of the metropolis afford an
endless round of amusement; but perhaps the Polytechnic Institu-
tion is their chief lounge. They go down in the diving-bell, for the
sake of being lionized during the thirty seconds which succeed their
re-appearance from the water. They attend the magnified mud-
worms, and dissolving Netley Abbeys and Royal Exchanges, for the
chance of sitting in the dark next to the handsome woman in the
small enticing pink bonnet, who has gone in before them, and whose
glove they picked up and restored to her on the stairs ; they listen,
out of pure distraction, and for the twentieth time, to Professor
Bachoffner's demonstration of the electrotypes and galvanic clocks ;
and they gaze at the ribbon-looms, printing-presses, and steam-
engines, as well as at all the models, in rotation, until they become
walking catalogues of the entire exhibition.

It is not impossible but that they may conclude their lounge by
watching the progress of manufacturing a bird of paradise (blue,
with a white tail) in blown glass, which they will purchase to take
home with them to their chambers—a circumstance which never
comes to pass, since the whole concern—bird, shade, tail, and all—-
gets crushed to an impalpable powder long before they reach their
destination.

An reste, these loungers are, for the most part, gentlemanly men.
Their dress, bearing, and appearance, is all in keeping ; and in this
they differ widely from that lonely, unknown class, the sole end of
whose existence appears to be the accomplishment of a certain num-
ber of promenades about theAVestEnd thoroughfares, unrecognizing
and unrecognized, with the idea that they hold their unheeded sta-
tion in society by this diurnal labour. With these, dress and display
are the ruling passions, and in matters of the toilet is comprised all
their knowledge. They cannot see what need a man has of intellect
or talent, provided his boots and trowsers are fashionably faultless ;
and, whilst bestowing all their care on the outside of their head, they
regard the brains as mere accessories to existence. Can it be
credited, that not a fortnight back we met one of these poor do-
nothings in Regent-street, who, not content with the impression his
general contour made upon the world, had actually dyed his mousta-
chios, and—we write in pity and disgust—painted his checks ! Should
this open page meet his eye, as he listlessly gazes in some shop
window, he will not fail to recognise his likeness. Let us be per-
mitted to recommend him immediately to wash his face at the first
available accommodation, even though, for lack of means to procure
better, it be beneath the pump in Burlington Gardens.

Finally, with respect to the Regent-street Loungers, a great advan-
tage to all of them is the facility with which they accommodate them-
selves to whatever circle chance may pitch them into. They lounge
on from one scene to the other, with a trace of their preceding occu-
pation being visible. An idler has been known on the best authority,
if by chance a ticket for Her Majesty's Theatre has fallen in his way,
to leave its elegant audience as soon as Persian! has concluded her
finale in the opera, and having deliberately entered the nearest retail
establishment, has then and there quietly imbibed a pint of half-and-
half ; after which he has returned in time for the opening tableau of
Alma, and once more taken his place, with as aristocratic an air as
if he had been sipping Punch a la liomaine at Dubourg's from a
chrystal goblet, instead of draining Barclay's Entire from a pewter
pot. And yet this antithesis is not merely an attribute of the
loungers alone, for the great world abounds in similar ones. Indeed,
generally speaking, nothing is more widely different, than the dash
and show-off of individuals in society, and their manner of living
when at home. It may usually be taken in an inverse ratio.

DISTRESS OF THE COUNTRY.

Several alarming instances of the prevailing distress have reached us.

Mr. Roebuck was the other day exceedingly distressed, when the St.
James's-park keeper stopped him with a parcel of books, and mistook him
for a light-portsr.

Mr. Muntz declared that he felt uncommonly distressed—at finding
three grey hairs in his whiskers.

During the late gales his Royal Highness the Prince of Wales has beon
exceedingly distressed—with hiccups.