Punch or The London charivari (3.1842)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

121

THE ROYAL VISIT TO SCOTLAND.

MISS TICKLETOBY'S LECTURES ON

Haa Majesty's arrival on Scottish ground gave occasion to a contre- .
temps of a very distressing character. The Lord Provost, who it seems, j ENGLISH HISTORY.

with the six members of the Council, most unexpectedly enacted the parts __

of the Seven Sleepers, and when the Queen set her foot upon Scottish
ground, the Provost was snug in bed, as were all the rest of the civic
authorities.

It had been arranged that a set of signals were to be given which
would have roused the Provost in time to allow his Lordship to get up
and shave before he received the Queen, but the two men stationed on the
Observatory got quarrelling as to whether the Royal squadron was the
Royal squadron or not; so that between one and the other no signal was
given.

It is said that the whole population were on the itch to see the Queen,
and when it was thought that the Lord Provost prevented them from

As it is by no means my wish to say anything disrespectful of any
sovereign who ever ascended the British throne, we must, my loves,
pass over the reign of His late Majesty King John as briefly as pos-
sible ; for, between ourselves, a greater rascal never lived. You
have many of you read of his infamous conduct to Rowena, Cedric
the Saxon, and others, in the History of Sir Wilfrid of Ivanhoe ,
and I fear there are other facts, though perhaps not on so good
authority, which are still more disreputable.

In the plays of the ingenious Shakspeare, some of which I have
C<OTtogto th« sw*t(Cl^ Wfe fcp^w'ao toSsT" ~'seen at Covent Garden, His Majesty's nephew, Prince Arthur, is

Victoria, however, with that condescension which is so peculiar to her- rna.de to climb over a canvas wall of about three feet high, and die
self, consented to repeat her entry into Edinburgh rather than disappoint lamentably of the fall in a ditch, in which a mattress has been laid ;
the sleepy Provost, and the slumbering population ; who, though they enjoy but the truth, I fear, is, that Prince Arthur did not commit suicide
generally the reputation of sleeping wide awake, were on this occasion most voluntary or involuntary, but that his Royal Uncle killed him, for
atrociously somnolent. The ceremony of the public entry was at length His Royal Highness was the son of His Majesty's elder brother, and,
performed, of which our own reporter has furnished us with the following by consequence, our rightful king. Well, well, there are ugly stories
conclusive particulars : about high personages at Court, and you know it makes very little

When the royal carriage reached the Canongate a most interesting sight differeilCe to either of the princes, now, which reigned and which
presented itself for the Asylum for the Houseless had prepared a splendid | did ,fc and j dare if the truth were kn Kjng John by this
show oi destitute children, who m their native dirt, as the sons of the soil, . .. v ,. , , . . *? J

were set out to the number of one hundred on a raised platform. We tln?e 18 heftlly sorry for his conduct to his august nephew,
have heard of Dahlia and other flower shows, but a ragged urchin i Ji may be expected that I should speak m this place of a cele-
show, was such "a dainty dish to set before the Queen" as none but Crated document signed m this reign, by some called the commence-
a Scotch metropolis could hare possibly hit upon. Her Majesty, ! ment of our liberties, by others Magna Charta. You may read this
upon being informed that the dirty faces were all genuine, and that very paper or parchment at the British Museum any day you please,
the children appeared in the identical tatters in which they had been and if you find anything in it about our liberties, I am a Dutchman
picked-up over night in the streets, was pleased to declare herself highly —that is, a Dutchwoman (hear, hear) ; whereas, as the Register of
entertained with a sight so thoroughly national. i Saint Bartholomew's, Smithfield, of the year seventeen hundred and

A little farther on, set out upon a raised platform, were twenty-five _ahem !—as the Register, I say, proves, I am a Briton, and glory in
orphans dressed in white, which her Majesty was pleased to compare to a the title

show of so many dolls laid out on the stall of a toyseller These children Th p of R who Uved in those d wag almost as facetious

added much to their interesting character by pelting: her Maiesty with t> /-. x. i- i i j

a i- u i ~* u- f tx. \ a i v j j it x. a person as Pope Gregory, of whom before we have spoken; and

flowers, from baskets with which they had been supplied ; and though the ,r , , xl " . , J,', , , , . ,

r\ n d w , j „, i i , ,i - , v • ,77 , what do you think he did ? I'm blessed it he did not make a present

Queen, like Horace Walpole, "laughed at the joke," it is possible that die r , " < , " _. . : ^ T,. ,
may not have forgiven the rudeness. - of the kingdom of England to the Kmg of France ! (immense

The cortege passed on amid the most enthusiastic brandishing of ban- ! laughter :) then afterwards he made a present of it to King John
dannas, and the most gratifying grouping of gossamers. On approaching yery kindly ; and the two kings were about, as usual, to fight for it,
the barrier, for there is no gate, her Majesty was presented by the Lord when the French king's army was in part shipwrecked, and partly
Provost with those disgraceful sinecurists, the keys of the city. We could > beaten ; and King John himself was seized with an illness, which

not catch what the Provost said, but what he meant was nearly as
follows :—

" May it please tour Majesty,—
" Here are the keys of the city, but the gates to which they belong have
long since disappeared, and as to the lock they were made to fit, that has
bolted. In offering you the keys we must beg of your Majesty to believe
that we are actuated not by a love of a lark, but the loftiest loyalty."
To which her Majesty laughingly replied as follows :—■

" My Lord Provost,—
" I return these keys with confidence into the hands of the authorities
of Edinburgh, for what these keys secure I am sure you are exactly com-
petent to protect and watch over."

The only drawback to the pleasure of the day was occasioned by a set

put an end to him. And so farewell to him. He rebelled against
his father, he conspired against his brother, he murdered his nephew,
and he tyrannised over his people. Let us shed a tear for his me-
mory, and pass on to his son, King Henry III., who began to reign in
the year 1216, and was king for no less than fifty-six years.

I think the best thing he did during that long period was, to beget
his gallant son, who reigned after him, under the title of King
Edward the First. The English lords, in King Henry's time, were
discontented with his manner of reigning—for he was always in the
hands of one favourite or another; and the consequence was, that
there were perpetual quarrels between the lords and the prince,
who was continually turned out of his kingdom and brought back

of noisy vagabonds who persevered in following up the Queen, and boring ' again, or locked up in prison and let loose again. In the intervals
her Majesty by playing the bagpipes. The Queen had at first begged the ! the barons ruled, setting up what is called an oligarchy : when Henry
nuisance might be discontinued, but on being told it was the national : governed himself, he was such a soft, effeminate creature, that I
music, she goodnaturedly put up with it. ^ ^ might ^ ^ reigQ & moZ%ar<%.

============= As not the least applause or laughter followed this pun, Miss T.,

WARM WORK. somewhat disconcerted, said, I see you do not wish to hear anything

™. , • ' ., more regarding Henry III., so, if you please, we will pass on to the

A correspondent of the Times, who is very angry with the hakpr^fnr i- 6" . 8 J. ,{ 3 . j. • T* v.

, .i • fv, j a *c +i, ■ A i oakeis ior hlstorv 0f his son, a wise king, a stern and great warrior. It was he

keeping up the price of bread, adopts the signature of One who has been in 7 7 , ' „ Bl ^ , -, • f, ,• .

the Oven oeenm £j.st gave the Commons of England m Parliament any authority

or power to cope with the great barons, who had hitherto carried all
before them ; which, with the most sincere respect foi their lord-
ships, I cannot but think was a change for the better in our glorious
constitution.

He was in the Holy Land when his father's death was announced
to him, following the fashion of that day, to fight against the Turks,
and murder them for the honour of religion. And here I cannot
help pointing out, how necessary it is that men should never part
from their wives ; for the king, by having his with him, escaped a
great danger. A man of a certain tribe called the Assassins (who
have given their names to murderers ever since) stabbed the king in
his tent with a dagger, whereupon the queen, and honour be to her,
supposing that the knife which inflicted the wound might have been
poisoned, sucked the wound with her own Royal lips, and caused
Prince Edward to say, that a good wife was the very best doctor in

leading the opposition.

This naturally accounts for the extreme crustiness which he exhibits.
We presume there is something to be very proud of in having " been
in the oven ;" and we should not be surprised—as the ovenite has
clearly a literary turn—if he were to advertise, " Notes taken during his
abode in the very warm climate he professes to have visited." There
might be an amusing chapter on the geology of bread, and its crustaceous
qualities, with other matter, which, as we have never " been in the oven,"
we cannot exactly anticipate.