Punch or The London charivari (4.1843)

114

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

"True, madam," answered Inglewood.
" Well, then—and to whose happiness, to whose peace of mind
could you possibly allude, if—"
"Will your ladyship hear me? T will be very brief," said the
chaplain, with an inward twinge—a rising of the heart—at the inborn,
ingrained selfishness of the beautiful creature before him.
" Oh, say what you like—I suppose I must hear you," answered
the Countess, again taking me from the table, and pettishly waving
me about her.
" A person in your ladyship's household has committed a fault—"
" Of course," said the Countess—" such creatures do nothing
else." »

Light-blue gloves, and red morocco boots, with silver heels, complete
this truly novel, chaste, and elegant archery-costume, which it is reported
was designed by the ingenious Sir Frederick Trench.—Leicester Ad-
vertiser.
Grantham.
Sporting Extraordinary.—An unprecedented event took place on the
downs north-west of this town. A game keeper in the service of Lord
Grantham was returning from Stamford, and he distinctly saw a brace of
hares in close chace of a greyhound ; the dog appeared much distressed,
and endeavoured by every means in his power to evade his pursuers.
The gamekeeper watched this strange chace until the animals were out of
sight ; but from circumstances, he has very little doubt but the hares-
would attain their object, and capture or destroy the dog.

"She has proved not trustworthy in the duty confided to her." The greyhound, which was a valuable one, was the property of Lord
" I hear of nothing else," cried the Countess, waving me more vio- Alfred Paget.—Stamford Free Press.
lently. " Let her be turned away immediately." Shrewsbury.
You will pardon me, madam : she was about to be cast from the j There is no truth whatever in the paragraph (which has gone the round

house—cast out broken-hearted and with a blighted name—when I
took it on myself to stand between her, and, for what I know,
destruction, and to plead her cause before you."
The Countess looked at the chaplain impatiently—angrily, and
then said, "Mr. Inglewood, I am sorry for it. I wish you would
confine yourself to your duties."

of the papers), that the highly-respected Mayor of this town, has become
blind of the right eye, and deaf of the left ear. We unreservedly con-
tradict the report, having made the most careful inquiries ; nor has such a
misfortune happened to either of the twelve aldermen, the recorder, the
twenty-four common councilmen, or the town-clerk.— Salop Statesman.
Biggleswade.

"And what, may it please your ladyship-what are they ?" asked xtEl°p ™^"l*1* e\°V?mGnt ,took Pla?e fro.m *e premises of
, -ii i • j ji j i i Mr. bamuel Belton, boot and shoe-maker, ot this place. No less than,
the clergyman, with calm voice and fixed look. | thj ir q£ ns wa]ked Qut of the s, m Tu£sd k j ];ave
"I trust, sir, you know them—to say prayers, and to make or read not smce been heard of
a sermon," answered the Countess. j jt is conjectured that they have taken umbrage at the introduction of a
" And nothing more, madam V inquired Inglewood. number of pairs of French clogs, recently imported by Mr. Belton,
" Surely not. What else ?" cried her ladyship, with raised voice under the new tariff. Should this meet the eye of any of the absentees,
and wondering eyes. they are requested instantly to return to their disconsolate owner.—Bedford
" At least, madam, to strive to practise what I pray and preach," Chronicle.
answered the chaplain. Wakefield.
" Mr. Inglewood, his lordship, out of esteem for you, placed you I A great addition can be made to the edible game of this country. We
here ; you were lucky enough to save a relative's life, and perhaps it hasten to Publ'sh a communication we have received from an intelligent
was right—I don't say it wasn't—to acknowledge the attention; correspondent, who professes himself to be an able chenust.
nevertheless, I will have no monkish, papistical principles put for- j _ common crows (corvtd*) are abundant over every part of Great
i . ,i • i -rj. > r r ,J ./ r ,1 Britain, but it is well known that its flesh never, hitherto, could be used as
ward in this house If you can comport yourself with respect and | JJ ^ { food (rooks m ■ excepted).
decency, as a chaplain ought to do, remain where you are, it not-1 , 0ur correspondent proceeds to state, that if the birds are properly
say, if not, sir—but you of course know what must follow."
"Perfectly well, madam. I am either to remain a salaried
mockery—an inward apostate — a blaspheming thing of outward

observance
" I beg, sir," cried the Countess, impatiently—"I beg you will use
better language."
"A creature, wearing the skin-deep livery of truth," continued
Inglewood, his face glowing, and his eye flashing as he spoke—" foul
and leprous within —a hideous mountebank, owing the daily bread
of daily hypocrisy to an adroit juggling with words ; I am to do this,
to take the place of the fool of other times in his lordship's house-
hold, or I am to quit it. His lordship, madam—"
But at this moment Earl Blushrose entered the apartment.

PUNCH'S PROVINCIAL INTELLIGENCE.
" This is all as true as it is strange;
Nay, it is ten times true ; for truth is truth
To the end of the reckoning." — Shakspeare.

Chester.
Remarkable Occurrence. — During the severe gale on Wednesday last,
a great flight of umbrellas passed over this city. It is conjectured that in
the late hurricane, they were carried out of a shop at Derby in a thorough
draught of air, and being all put up, took this direction in their supposed
migration to the Isle of Man.— Cheshire Recorder.
Brentford.
Mr. Isaac Bowers, tailor of this town, is in possession of a starling, that
exhibits the annexed wonderful powers ; the bird whistles in perfect tune
and time the whole of the airs of Rossini's Guillaume Tell.
Mr. Bowers cannot comprehend how the bird could obtain even the
outline of the tunes, excepting that at one period a Mr. Barclay (a bass
member of the chorus of various theatres), once lodged in his house for a
month, when the tailor's bird, it is presumed, took Mr. Barclay's measure.
That which renders this detail still more curious, is the fact, that this
starling is an Albino, with white plumage and red eyes.
Belvoir Castle.
His Grace the Duke of Rutland has commenced his series of Archery
Fetes for ths Season.
\ new spring costume has been adopted by the ladies who draw the
long bow, consisting of three-cornered crimson hats, trimmed with gray
fur : crimson spencers, and white book muslin skirts, with small targets
embroidered down the dress, interspersed with bull's-eyes, which prouhice
a very striking effect.

picked and trussed, taking great care not to break the galls, and then
immersed in water in which sal-ammonia has been melted, to the amount
of one pound weight to a gallon of the fluid, there they are to remain a
fortnight j then take them out of the pickle, dry, flour, and roast the
erowS, and we defy the most profound gourmand to distinguish them
from grouse.
Our correspondent's letter is dated from " York Lunatic Asylum."

INSANITY MADE EASY.

eeling, as we must, that it is very desirable
that those " unfortunate persons " who are sub-
ject to monomania, should be protected from
the penal consequences of their calamity—par-
ticularly when their affliction is liable to reach
the climax of murder—it is due to those very
much-to-be-pitied persons, that the proof of
their mental aberration should be made as
easy as possible. We, therefore, beg leave to-
subjoin a few facts, upon proof of which ac-
quittals may be at once obtained in cases of the
very gravest nature.
h To have habitually declared one's self the victim of persecution.
2. When in Newgate on a charge of murder, toamuse the medical men
by fantastic assertions on the subject of certain imaginary plots, crews,
and conspiracies.
It would be idle to go through a long catalogue of these defences, which
will admit of endless variety ; but, as insanity will henceforth become an
essential part of the science of crime, we should not be surprised at thieves
and assassins taking lessons from professors of the art of going mad,
with a view to the establishment of irresponsible agency."


THE QUEEN'S " BANDS."
Great are the small doings of princes ! When Napoleon exhibited his
head without powder, a mortal chill struck upon the perfumers' hearts of
France. Queen Victoria resolves to wear f- bands," and English hair-
dressers have their fortunes taken out of curl, and appear dishevelled in
Portugal street ! A few days since, an insolvent (Augustus Bmttelot),
attributed bis misfortunes to the unconscious taste of her Majesty. He
declared that "the ringlets were the most profitable, and the plain bands
introduced by the Queen were the ruin of hairdressers." What makes
the case more desperate with the fraternity, is the hopelessness of anj
return of the Wijis !