Punch or The London charivari (4.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 129

A THIEVES' CHAUNT.

Wh.J are the thieves about!
Her Majesty to-cfay
Is gone to open Parliament ;
The Lords are under weigh :
* My Lords and Gentlemen ! " —
The Commons crowd the bar : —
A rush,—a hustle,—merrily then
Begins the knucklers (') war.
What are you thieves abort !
What are the thieves about ?
A sermon for the poor
Is preach'd to-day ; the Bishop's coach
Is blazing at the door.
Rich Charities the chapel throng;
The swell mob—they are there ;
The Bishop's sermon is not long :
The foglehunter (v) ware !
What are you thieves about ?
What are the prigs about ?
There's a philanthropic meet
At Exeter Hall ; you have to pay
Your guinea for a seat.
While ears are cramm'd with humbug, boys !
The dummy-hunters (3) ply
An easy trade : God help the noise
That fakes a spoony's cly (*).
What are you thieves about ?
What are the thieves about ?
There's a wedding in the Square [>) ;
St. George has favours for his \ als ;
The flashmen claim their share.
Will not the parson have his fee ?
Will not the clerk be there ?
And the bridegroom, too, laughs merrily :
For the bride is rich and fair.
What are you thieves about ?
WThat are the thieves about ?
The world is growing gray :
They say that a lord and a re* erend
Were lagg'd (6) the other 3a y.
The times are getting worse ai d worse;
The glorious days are past :
For tobymen (7) turn senators,
And even beaks (8) are cast.
What are you th'eves about !

SI Hist of Partis.

TO THE HUMANE AND AFFLUENT.
Wanted—by Mr. Benjamin D'Israe'li, an appointment as ambassador.-
Distance no object; but a " friendly power " preferred.
Wanted—by Sir Edward Lytton Bulwer, a new subject for a five-act
play
Wanted—a few active enterprising young men to smuggle Punch into
France. Liberal terms to Ambassadors and Prefects of Police.
Wanted—by the Lord Chancellor, a new conscience, the proprietor
not finding the one he has at present equal to the work it has to go
through.
Wanted—by Mr. Wakley, a wealthy publisher for his poems.—No
security or reference required.
Wanted—by Mr. Moon, as many subscriptions as possible to his
" Testimonial." The smallest contributions most gratefully received.
Wanted—by Lord William Lennox, a young man to work at the British
Museum.—No one with clean hands need apply.

COURT CIRCULAR £jr77?/4-ORDINARY.
A tert curious and valuable knife, of the value of \s. &d., a present
from the beadle of St. Mary, Newington, to the timekeeper at the Elephant
and Castle, was submitted to the Lord Mayor, at the .Mansion House, on
Monday, by Mr. Sheffield. It is of cast-iron, and the framework is of
horn ; the handle being divided into compartments, and enclosing a large
and small blade, a corkscrew, a pair of tweezers, and a gaiter hook,
elegantly wrought in cast-iron.
His Lordship was pleased to express his highest approbation.

(1) Pickpockets. (2) A itealer of handkerchiefs.
(3; Pickpockets. (4) That picks a fool's pocket.
(5) Hanover Square— a great piace for noble marriage?.
t'G) Transported. (7; Highwaymen. '8) Magistrates.

FASHIONABLE MOVEMENTS.


street DJALOGUF.
" I'll punch yer ed, if ytr say much." " Well I— do it/'
" Who'll punch my ed 7" "Ah!"
"I will." "Yes I"
"You will?" "Oh!"
" Yes, I wffl." (Boys evaporate.)
Mrs. Smith visited Drury Lane Theatre privately on Monday evening
last. Her presence was not noticed by the audience in general ; and at
the conclusion of the performance, she retired in Ae same quiet manner
as that in which she had arrived.
Master Jones was taken for an airing in the Green Park on Tuesday.
After distributing his usual bounty of bread and biscuit to the ducks, he
returned home.
Baron Nathan has resumed his cribbage parties for the season. The
second party takes place on Saturday, when the Baron will mount a new
cribbage board.

Jffloral Mefletttons;
OR, PUNCH'S PETIT LACON.
What a glorious thing to be an author ! To write—to have one's
thoughts wafted to the four quarters of the globe—to chasten the dege-
nerate spirit of theseJicentious times,—and, in reforming abuses, to amelio-
rate the condition of one's fellow-men ! But how faint and insignificant
these pleasures compared with the luxury, as one walks along, of seeing
one's own portrait to be sold for one shilling plain in every shop-window !
Lives there the man who can lay his hand upon his breast, and say he
has ever paid a tailor's bill !
" Too much familiarity breeds contempt," says the ancient proverb ;
and how many married men have been martyrs to the truth of it !
Some men write for fame,—others for money ! We never think of this
without involuntarily drawing a comparison between Shakspeare and
Carstairs.
A fashionable baronet has said with no less feeling than high moral
sense, " Happy ! thrice happy the man who has the means to keep a
servant to stretch his tight boots before he wears them himself !"
" S.veet," exclaims our immortal bard, "are the uses of adversity."
This reflection always occurs to us at the sight of a birch-tree.
Who can describe the anguish of being caught in a shower of rain when
wearing a new gossamer !
A gifted novelist says, " There is nothing more unpleasant than to be
amongst a party of young ladies, and in pulling out your pocket-handker-
chief to drop a large comb upon the floor."

PUNCH'S HEATHEN MYTHOLOGY.
CHAPTER XI.—RELATIVE TO MINERVA.
Minerva was made entirely out of Jupiter's own head ; that is,
Jupiter conceived her in his brain, just as you would conceive an
idea. Her exact birthplace has not been satisfactorily ascertained,
because physiologists cannot tell us precisely whereabouts in the
brain ideas are hatched; but, upon the principle, " mtdio tutiuimua
ibis," we may most safely conjecture that it was in the middle ven-
tricle. This cavity, too, lying just in front of the pineal gland, which,
they say, is the seat of the soul, would be conveniently situated for
the lodgment of a mental embryo.
So rapid are the operations of thought that Jupiter had not had
Minerva in his head five minutes when he was seized with an in*
tolerable headach. In vain did the anxious Juno, forgetful of her
wrongs, bind the temples of her husband with her hankerchief ; is

Vol. 4.

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