Punch or The London charivari (4.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 191

When Bacchus arrived at Lemnoo, he found Vulcan at work
among his men, who were hymning the " Harmonious Blacksmith"
(adapted for the purpose) to his praise and glory. Vulcan was glad
to see Bacchus, who was the greatest friend he had, and willingly

Mercury touched her tongue with French and Italian ; and Minerva
instructed her in geography, astronomy, and all the other branches
of an elegant female education. Withal, Jupiter presented her with
a box, by way of dowry to the man who should marry her. The

acceded to the hitter's proposition of a pot of nectar. So a table was ! reader will be beginning to wish thai lie had offended Jupiter; hut
let him not be in a hurry.
The charms of Pandora
were mere "springes to
catch woodcocks ;" the box
was full, not of the root of
all evil, but of evil in
branch, flower, and fruit ;
plagues, distempers, fa-
mines, and all sorts of
miseries. How such things
could be contained in a
box it is difficult to con-
ceive ; but the box was a
mysterious and metaphy-
sical box : this, no doubt,
*ill be a satisfactory ex-
planation. Pandora, thus
beautified and endowed,
was conducted by Mercury
to Prometheus, but thai
individual was far too ex-
tensively vigilant to be
taken in. He accordingly
transferred the lady to Lis
brother Epimetheus, who
jumped at her. They were
married ; Epimetheus, na-
turally concluding that the
box was full of money,
opened it, when out flew
the contents, and con-
verted the world into this
uncomfortable, plaguy,
vexatiouspenal settlement
which we find it. Out of
evil comes good. Hope,
by some chemical process,
had been formed during
the fermentation cf the
evils in the box, of which
it had sunk to the bottom;
and amid all our bills and rates and taxes, the Income-tax inclusive,
and aches and pains and botherations, it luckily remains to us stili.
Some authors maintain that the consolation which was left at the
bottom of Pandora's box was, in reality, no other than tobacco.
Vulcan's forge, where he made thunder and chains for his Majesty
Jupiter, was situated under Mount Etna ; he had also a branch
establishment beneath each of the principal volcanoes. His workmen
were the Cyclopes, so called because they had great round eyes ;
they possessed one apiece, in the situation of the organ of " Individu-
ality." This optical apparatus resembled, in size and appearance, a
carriage bull's eye. The Cyclopes were giants, of large appetite,
extreme ferocity, and singular ugliness—like master, like men.
Vulcan forged (without counterfeiting) the arms of Achilles, as also
these of JEneas and the Shield of Hercules, which was as handsome
as the Waterloo Shield made by Messrs. Rundell and Bridge. He also
wrought a collar for Hermione or Mrs. Cadmus, which proved fatal to
all who wore it, although it was not a hempen collar,—perhaps it was
an anodyne necklace, rather too strong of the opium.
"The amours of Vulcan," observes Dr. Leinpriere, "were not
numerous." So one might imagine. It has been related that }><■
hecame the husband of Venus, and enough has already been stated
to show that his enjoyment of domestic bliss must have been par-
ticularly moderate. It appears, however, that he had a second wife,
who was no other than one of the Graces. Whether the maid-
servant treated him better than the mistress or not, we are not
informed. Vulcan seems to have had a tolerable taste, though he
did not show it in the arrangements of his toilette. Had he cultiv-
ated the Graces, all three, a little more, he had perhaps been a
happier god. A good temper is an indispensable quality in a husband,
but a sharp razor, and a well-used wash-hand-stand, are not less
essential requisites for the enjoyment of conjugal felicity.


set in the middle of the workshop, and down they sat. Bacchus
proposed " Hammer and Tongs," "Success to the Anvil," and other
toasts, and then sung to the effect following :—
Earth is darken A o'er with woe;
Bid the rudely nectar flow :
Then we'll have another go.
(Here he cut an eccentric caper.)
Oh ! of Nectar, a full pot
Is a nice thing, is it not ?
Vulcan quaff the stuff before thee ;
Nectar .' Nectar! I adore thee.
(Whereat he repeated his former proceeding.)
"'Fore Jupiter," cried Vulcan, by this time very tipsy, "an
excellent song. Encore !'' Bacchus complied ; another toast suc-
ceeded, and Vulcan was easily prevailed upon to return to Heaven
and let his mother out
A reconciliation having now been effected between Vulcan and
Jupiter, the former once more took his seat at the tables of Olympus.
It was high time ; for Vulcan was sole manufacturer of thunderbolts
to his Majesty, and Jupiter's stock of ammunition was nearly out.
Jupiter also wanted the assistance of Vulcan to punish the presump-
tion of Prometheus, who had not only been concentrating in his own
person the collective audacity of nine tailors, by making a man ; but
by means of an electrical kite had stolen fire from Heaven, where-
with to animate the production. "I'll pay him for this," thought
Jupiter; "I'll give him a wife :" and he ordered Vulcan to manu-
facture her. He was obeyed ; and the result was the creation of
Pandora. She was called Pandora, because she received presents from
all the gods. Venus gave a bottle of Kalydor, iu virtue of which she
realised a delicate white neck, hand, and arm, and a complexion of the
fairest line ; the Graces decorated her person and directed her steps;
Apollo taught her to sing like Mrs. Alfred Shaw or the nightingale ;

Having now given the memoirs of the more eminent of the