Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (5.1843)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

"Oh! Mr. Inglewood, it's not for me to speak, but I really am
ashamed of you. A parson—a minister of the Church—and here
abetting a man—a husband and a father of a family—abetting him,
1 say, in such doings. The whole neighbourhood rings with 'em !
It wasn't enough that I was to be insulted in my own house, but he
must come to Newgate—among felons, and worse than that!"

" Are you not ashamed, Nancy ? " cried Lintley, and his colour rose.
"No, Mr. Lintley, I am not ashamed, nor you either, but you ought
to be. I thought you had given this creature up, but"—

" Woman,'' exclaimed the apothecary, in a stem, commanding
voice. " For your foolish sayings, keep them for your own house, and
for my ear—since I must hear them—for my ear alone. But I say
to you, speak not a syllable, look not one affronting look against this
poor, wretched girl; this victim of ill-fortune ; this patient, unre-
pining piece of goodness. At another time, your words would have
been those of a silly woman ; now, do they sound as of a wicked one.
Here is a poor, innocent, friendless soul, standing for what we know
on the very edge of an untimely grave—yet standing with a courage
and a meekness enough to put pity in the breast of a wolf—and yet
you—you, a woman and the mother of future women, you with a vain
and idle tongue must stab a heart the world so wickedly has bruised.
Are you not ashamed ? Blush, I say—blush, lest I despair of you."

The little woman was awed, conscience-stricken by the stern yet
wholesome rebuke of her husband ; vowing that she meant nothing
at all in the world, only that she was never allowed to speak, and Mr.
Lintley was always so violent—then she dissolved into tears, at
the same time declaring that she thought Patty the most innocent
creature that ever broke the world's bread.

THE QUEEN IN FRANCE.

NE-half the world," it is said, " don't know-
how the other half lives," and the impression
in France appears to be, that our beloved
Queen lives chicfly on Cheshire cheese and
London porter. The only luxuries that the
papers mention as having been sent for by
Louis-Philippe for the entertainment of his
fellow-sovereign, are "filthy beer" and " strong
family Cheshire."

The papers say that a French agent has
been to London for the purpose of getting
these articles, and we happen to know that the individual alluded to
experienced considerable difficulty, owing to his ignorance of the Eng-
lish language. His first inquiry was for robuste de Londres (^London
stout), but gaining no attention, he asked for some parfait de pain
hlanc (Whitbread's entire). Finding his way at length to a public-
house, and his instructions having referred particularly to treble X, he
called lustily at the bar for some deux fois dix ; and the publican not
understanding him, pointed to a cask labelled Old Tom, which induced
the agent to exclaim with considerable energy, (i Non, non, non—pas de
venerable Thomas."

The search for the Cheshire cheese was also a source of considerable
embarrassment, and the inquiry for frontage fort a la bonne famille (good
strong family cheese) was very unsuccessful in the New Cut, into which
the agent had wandered in his search for the coarse but wholesome condi-
ment. Being a stranger in London, the emissary mustering up all the
English he could, addressed a stranger thus : " Vil you av de bonte to tel
de vay—I shall find Cheshire 1 " The answer to which was given rather by
way of comment to a bystander in the following terms :—" I say, Bill, here's
a rum cove ! he wants to find the way into Cheshire!" After these and
other difficulties had been surmounted, the cheese and porter were
shipped on board the Dart steamer, which was very properly commanded
by Captain Cheeseman.

THE VEHICULAR OVENS.

Perhaps one of the most curious inventions of the present day, is the
vehicular oven, which is drawn by two horses, and built in the shape of
an omnibus. They are chiefly marked with the words " Conveyance
Company " on the exterior, but should be inscribed, " Bakings carefully
attended to." Any one getting into one of these contrivances is pretty
sure of being done by the time he gets out again. Half-an-hour's cooking
is more than sufficient, and if any one remains inside the whole distance
from Paddington to the Bank, he is sure to emerge at the latter place
in a state of excessive crustiness. We observed a conductor of one of
the vehicular ovens drawing a batch at the Mansion House. The " hatch-
ing by steam" is in fact nothing compared to the baking by omnibus.

A Fact.—Brickniakcrs have become quite scarce ; as not a labourer can be
found, since the growth of temperance, who Mill undertake to wet his clay!

TOEMS OF THE PRICES;

oli, the muse among the markets,

The Cotton Market.

Oii bring me from India the latest advices !

I feel that the news of that far distant land
Will certainly have an effect upon prices,

By letting us know the expected demand.

At present our interests can we be hurting,

If we make to our stocks but a trifling increase ?

Oh no ! we are safe, for the forty-inch shirting

Has advanced the last fortnight just sixpence per piece.

The Silk Trade.

The trade's as good as we have reason
To hope for at the present season ;

'Tis not the time for getting wealthy,
But business on the whole looks healthy.
Chorus of Manufacturers.

But business on the whole looks healthy.

Leicester Hosiery Trade.

recitative.

In every article within this range,

There is at present no peculiar change.

adagio.

Ah, soon reviving-trade firmness showing,

Soon with hope's radiance our hearts shall fill;

Gloves, once so heavy, lightness soon knowing,

With joy the workman's bosom soon shall thrill.

allegro.

The cut-up hose trade many a hand
Once idle now engages ;

The turn-outs now no longer stand
For an advance of wages.

But the demand for cotton socks
All happens to our liking,

And not e'en hose adorned with clocks
Afford pretence for striking.

Yes ! Yes ! Yes !

The cut-up hose trade many a hand,

&c. &c.

No ! No ! No !

No, not e'en hose adorned with clocks,

&c. &c.

. I

..

THE VALIANT BLUES.

For twenty-seven years England is said to have enjoyed profound-
peace, but this happy state was disturbed last week by war being declared
in Knightsbridge. The casus belli was a refusal of beer to a party of the
valiant Blues, who becoming very naturally indignant with the publican,
boldly turned their swords upon his customers. The Blues rushed
vigorously upon a party of the Knightsbridge Light Residents, who,
armed with pots, against which the soldiers had nothing but their swords, j
of course were too much for the troopers, who retreated to the adjoining
barracks for succour. Having obtained the assistance of several of their
comrades, they returned to the fray, and performed several deeds of j
valour. Among other soldierlike manoeuvres was the cutting open the j
head of a female bystander with a broadsword, a feat which was accom-
plished by one of the private soldiers, who, with the characteristic
modesty of real bravery, has not yet come forward to claim the credit of
the glorious action. The civil authorities are, however, doing their best
to fix the honour (and responsibility) of the deed on the individual who
performed it.

®l)t ErtsJ) agricultural association.

The glorious example set by England of fattening up cattle to such an
extent as to prevent the possibility of its seeing out of its eyes, or moving
on its legs, has been followed by Ireland ; and a meeting of the Irish
Agricultural Association was held the other day at Belfast. There is
every reasou to hope that the experiment will prove successful, and that
the Irish, who are famous for immense bulls, will fully maintain their
reputation. The prize was awarded to a cow, whose corpulence entitled it
to the appellation of the Daniel Lambert of quadrupeds, and Lord London-
derry returned thanks—probably as the greatest calf present —for the
compliment.