Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (5.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

245

that " the masculine is worthier than the feminine," but the females don't
all take an equal share, as in common inheritance, for had this been the
case, the English crown would have dwindled, in the time of Mary and
Elizabeth, to a couple of half-crowns, which would have much detracted
from its dignity The constitution is always very jealous of letting the
crown get into the hands of an uncle—probably from the value of the
jewels, for when jewels get into an uncle's hand it is difficult indeed to get
them out again. It is a maxim that " the king never dies but this is a
quibble, like that which asserts that " to-morrow never comes," for if
kings never died, William the Conqueror would be now residing at Buck-
ingham Palace, and granting occasional interviews to Sir R. Peel or the
Duke of Wellington. The fact is, that when one king is cut off, another,
like the head of a hydra, springs up to replace him, and the well-known
burst of enthusiasm on the part of our present sovereign, who is said to
have flourished her night-cap, exclaiming " Hurrah—hurrah—I'm Queen
of England," was in conformity with the constitutional maxim alluded to.

We shall now proceed to trace the crown from Egbert, who found him-
self one fine morning a sort of seven in one, uniting in his own person all
the kingdoms of the Heptarchy. In the course of 200 years we find the
crown 011 the head of Edmund Ironsides, from whom it was claimed by
Canute, who took a composition of 10s. in the pound, or in other words
•tccepted half, but on the death of Ironsides, who deserved the second
titie of Leadenhead, clutched the whole of it. Edward the Confessor, who
we have already seen never confessed anything, then got hold of the
crown, which of right belonged to Edward, surnamed the Outlaw, who
was probably keeping out of the way to avoid process. On the death of
the Confessor, Harold the Second usurped the throne, from which he

harold receiving his quietus.

was pitched neck and crop by William the Norman, who pretended to
have got a grant of it from the Confessor, and may probably have raked
up some old cognovit given by Edward, which wouid after all account for
his having the title of Confessor—a cognovit being, as the legal student
w ill hereafter be told, a confession of a debt and a judgment. William
the Conqueror having defeated Harold, at Hastings, left that delightful
watering-place for London, and having tried on the crown it was found
such a capital fit, that it was firmly fixed upon his head, and descended
to his children.

It would be useless to trace the crown through its various vicissitudes
- now being let out to fit the capacious head of the son of John of Gaunt,
who 'tried it on" successfully as Henry the Fourth, and now taken in
to ^uit the delicate forehead of Elizabeth.

The crown was at length laid aside for a time, in consequence of Charles
tne first being deprived of a head to wear it upon. James the Second
subsequently ascended the throne, but soon " cut," and failing to "come
Hgain, he was declared, if wo may be allowed a parliamentary parallel,
to iiave accepted the Chiltern Hundreds. It is not at all improbable that

the people acted with the utmost delicacy in reference to tha absconding
of James, and probably inserted in the papers of the day something like
the following advertisement:—" If James the Second does not call at the
Houses of Parliament on or before Saturday next, the crown, and other
property which he lias left behind him, will be immediately disposed of."

His Majesty continuing to play at hide-and-seek, a treaty was entered
into with the Prince and Princess of Orange, which is called " the
glorious revolution of 1688," which was effected without even so much
as a row in the streets, or the police being called in to preserve order.

The remainder of the crown was settled on the heirs of the Princess So-
phia, the Electress of Hanover; but what this remainder was, when someone
else had got it all, we leave our arithmetically disposed readers to calculate.

After the death of Anne, George the First was honoured by that uneasiness
in the head which is, according to Shakespeare, the natural consequence of
wearing a crown, which has now descended—we hope without subjecting
her to any headach at all—on her Most Gracious Majesty Queen Victoria.

The succession to the throne was formerly unconditional, but now it is
limited to such of the heirs of the Princess Sophia as are Protestants ;
and some over-zealous persons have feared that her Majesty may imbibe
Catholic notions by visiting Catholic nations—a fear which, we are bound
to say, we do not participate. The Queen is, we know, devoted to the
interests of the mass, but not to the mass performed in Cathoiic churches.

Such is the constitutional doctrine of the descent of the crown, for
which every good Englishman should be ready to draw his sword, or,

supposing him to be without a sword,

to brandish his walking-stick.

THE BRIGHTISH ASSOCIATION.

Section I) Zoology and Botany.

$resllJent.—Sir Gdy Eaffe.

Vtcc'lprcsftirnts.—Mr. Croker Dillie and Professor Stamen,

resident Sir Guy Raffe read some extracts from a letter
from Professor De Lenz, a communication from whom
was read at the last meeting, stating that he had dis-
covered the skeleton of a male flea in the folds of a
mummy-cloth. The present communication was of higher
interest. He had, while examining mummies, in con-
junction with his friend the Shah Pyez (Professor of
Twigology to the University of Cairo), been so fortunate
as to discover what he at first considered to be the body
of an embalmed flea ; but. to his great astonishment, he
perceived that, after a few minutes' exposure to the air,
it exhibited signs of vitality, and by a judicious applica-
tion of animal heat, soon became able to crawl. The
Professor, enlarging on the extreme delight he expe-
rienced in feeling the first feeble bite of this animal,
perhaps three thousand years old, exclaims that none
but those who, after having laboured long and arduously
in the cause of scientific and antiquarian research, have at length prose-
cuted a discovery exceeding even their most sanguine expectations—
" None but such," he exclaims, " can form the faintest conception of my
feelings at the moment when my blood first mingled with (possibly) the
blood of one of the Ptolemies." Subsiding into more platosophic calmness,
he states that the flea has so far recovered as to be able to leap full six
inches. The Professor feeds it from his own hand, and reports it to be in
a very thriving condition.

The President remarked, that this threw the mummy wheat completely
into the shade.

Mr. Slick, of Slickville, communicated to the section some curious facts
with regard to the extreme vitality of the American oak (quercus vivens),
commonly known by the name of the " live oak." He stated that his
friend Captain Enoch Brown, of New York, having had his bulwarks
carried away, got new ones fixed of this oak, and was astonished, about
a week after he sailed, to discover young shoots sprouting all round the
decks. He took great care of them, and such was the rapidity of their
growth, that within one year he cut two topmasts, six main topmasts, a
flying jib-boom, and a quantity of smaller spars, fit for to'-gallant yards,
stern-sail booms, &c., all very good timber. He also states that the shade
afforded the men in the hot latitudes had been of the greatest service to
their health, there not having been one on the sick list since the decks
were so sheltered. Mr. Slick here presented the President with a walk-
ing-stick cut from one of the trees.

The President, after thanking him for the stick and his communication,
remarked that, from the appearance of the timber, and from his recol-
lections of that which grew from the horse of the Baron Munchausen, a
specimen of which was in his possession, he felt confident that they were
of the same genus ; and was glad that the doubts which had long hung
over the Baron's veracity were now dispelled for ever by the more recent,
and not less authentic, instance now brought before their notice.

The committee appointed to investigate whether female oysters had
beards, reported that, although they had examined many specimens since
they bad been honoured by the commission, they were not yet prepared
to bring in a final report, and concluded by requesting a further grant of
fifty pounds.