Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (5.1843)

PUNCH'S TRIUMPHAL PROCESSION!

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THE CROSSING AGENCY

One of our lastNumbers contained the advertisement of a gentleman
who offered a douceur of twenty shillings to any one who could procure
liiin a permanent crossing to sweep. As genius is at a low ebb, and
that occupation appears to afford the best opening for an industrious
man to get his living by, Punch lias opened an agency for providing
situations. From his long acquaintance with the streets and courts
of London, he is well able to give the particulars of the most eligible,
which are all to be had immediately.

A.

A famous muddy opportunity, with other disadvantages, at the south-west
corner of Bedford-square. The Commissioners of Street Discomfiture have
been engaged in throwing up several models of the Alps and Mount
Vesuvius in the middle of the l oad, and have removed the foot-pavement
with unflagging industry, so that the crossing is inevitable. The coming
in is moderate, and the thoroughfare excellent, being patronised bv all the
inhabitants of Bloomsbury, Russell, and Bedford Squares, who deal in
Tottenham Court Road, which they look upon as the West End.

B.

The reversionary interest of a life-crossing, with retail lucif'er business
attached, from the corner of King William-street to Hungerford Market.
The present incumbent has long suffered under the combined influences
of gin and asthma. The influx of passengers, which will take place upon
the bridge being completed, will be so considerable, that any one wishing
to enrich his descendants in the sixth generation, will find this an eligible
opportunity.—N.B. A coffee-stall from 4 to 8 a.m.

A frequented pass in Lincoln's-Inn-Fields, and another from Chancery-
Lane to the Temple. Little labour is required at these crossings, the ma-
jority of the passers-by being rather addicted than otherwise to dirty wavs.

D. valuable investment.

With immediate possession, the present proprietor being about to retire
upon his appointment to a residence in New South Wales, the long esta-
blished cro-sing leading from the Mansion House to the Bank of England,
in which possessions of untold value are accumulated. This fortunate
thoroughfare, leading eventually to the wealth of a nation, derives addi-
tional interest from having been the favoured promenade of the Lord
Mayors of London whenever their business obliged them to visit the Bank.
The constant influx of visitors enabled the late owner to trap his broom
for many years, until compelled to brush instead, through effecting an
irregular transfer; which, whatever his doubts upon the subject might
previously have been, led to his ultimate conviction. The thoroughfare
enjoys a perpetual succession of mud in the driest seasons, from the con-
stantly flowing stream of omnibuses passing over it ; and the unavoidable
detention of nervous travellers in the middle of the road, is of the greatest
advantage in soliciting charity.

full particulars of these various statements mav be obtained at the
Punch Office, and Dick has received the stric est orders to exhibit the
utmost courtesy to all applicants.

CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS.

PUNCH'S HOLIDAY LETTER,

My dear Public,

It is with the most unfeigned satisfaction I now write to acquaint you
that the completion of my Fifth Volume is fixed for Saturday, the 23d inst.

I am happy to inform you that I have again obtained this year the
Prize for Writing, and that I have completely beaten Master Gibbs in
my Arithmetic.

The weekly specimens I have sent you of my Drawing, will, I hope,
satisfy you of my proficiency in this branch of my studies. Deeply im-
pressed with the parental care you lavish oil me, I feel myself bound (in
Five Volumes) to cultivate assiduously those parts (monthly Parts) which
you have encouraged me to put forth ; and I am preparing to make exer-
tions out of number, which will appear in the numberless Numbers that I
intend issuing.

Messrs. Bradbury & Evans, in whose Establishment I am placed, beg
leave to present their compliments (of the season) to you, and to call your
attention to the fact, that the whole of my valuable lessons are to be learnea
for the weekly sum of Three pence, which includes Writing, Drawing,
Moral Philosophy, Law, Poetry, the Use of the Globes, the Abuses
of the World, and the usual Branches—that is to say Six entire Leaves
— of the Tree of Knowledge.

1 trust my Christmas Piece, which I now present to you, will give satis-
faction ; and, hoping in the present and many future holidays to have
much enjoyment iu each other's society,

I remain, dear Public,

Punch Office, 194, Strand, Your most affectionate

December 14, 1843. PUNCH.

P. S. Among my prizes, I forgot to mention my Pocket Book. I am sure you will
be very much pleased with it. Everybody who has looked at it, has wanted to have it.;
and so I tell them they may—for half-a-crown.

lioyal ^opoarapij'tal (College

For the Instruction of Cab Drivers and Omnibns Cads7 and the Protection
of the Public from Inefficient and Ignorant Coachmen.

patroness—The Queen. tfrcsifcent-Lord Brougham and Vaux.

instituted november 30, 1843.

EXAMINATION FOR THE DEGREE OF C.D.—CHRISTMAS, 1813.
]. What is the minimum speed of a cab, consistent with the Act of
Parliament ?

2. What is the maximum speed of one of Hanson's Patent Cabs, con-
sistent with the public safety ?

3. How many varieties of Cabs have been patented, and how many
that have been patented are no longer to be seen on the stands ?

4. What is the greatest weight of Luggage that a good cab can carry
without breaking down %

ft. What Streets constitute the Seven Dials ?

G How do you make a mile and a halt, at eightpence a mile, come to
two shillings ?

Bv Order of the Court of Examiners,

William Wheeler, Secretary.