Punch: Punch (6.1844)

46

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A ZONG OF THE ZOUTH WEST.

acetious Mr. Punch,—You occasionally,
I perceive, enrich our poetical literature.
Will you allow me, through your means, to
submit to the public a new style of com-
position ? Mr. "Robert Burns acquired
considerable celebrity by writing poems in
broad Scotch. Now, sir, I am a Hamp-
shireman. I was brought up near the
ancient and venerable city of Winchester.
J love my county, and am proud of its
dialect. The vnuse, like all beauties, re-
joices in a variety of dresses. Will she
appear less lovely in a south-western than
in a northern garb ? Will Apollo look a
finer young man in a kilt than in a smock-frock ? I wish to try- Accord-
ingly, I forward you a little song of my own composing. It is couched
in the vernacular of Itchen's Vale ; the Doric of the Winton Downs.
Here it is.

TO A ROSE.

!.

Woot1 let me pluck thee, charmunest2

Of vlowers 3 that veed 4 the humble bee ?
Woot goo5 and greace6 my true-love's breast ?

That is the vittust7 pleace8 vors thee !

n.

Thy noiglibour 10 lily canst thee spy ?

I warnd 11 thee'st vind 12 her neck moor '? vair 14 ;
Or yan 15 kearnaition 16 dainty dye ?

Her cheeks, I'm bound, 'ool17 match that 'ere.

ni.

Mayhap thy zweetnuss 8 she may zniff,19

And thee'st be prest her lips unto ;
Then, happy rose, I '11 ax thee if

Theezelf'20 can brag a vresher 21 hue ?

IV.

Loor !22 if zo be as how she should,

Zweet vlower, what vortune 23 'ool be thine !

I'd gie vive shilluns, that 1 'ood,21

Zuppozun 25 zuch a chance wur 26 mine.

The above is a love song. Perhaps the strong Saxon of Hants may be
more appropriate to the sterner strains of war and patriotism. There is
one style of Poetry to which it is especially applicable, the Bacchanalian ;
and, indeed, there are several very fine beer-songs, of a traditionary cha-
racter, still extant in the county. It is likewise adapted to pastoral
purposes. Seeing that " Nichts wi' Burns," " Hours with Mary, Queen
of Scots," and the like entertainments, have become so popular, would it
not be a profitable speculation for any competent person to give a " Neite
wee a Hampshire Hog:" Perhaps, Mr. Punch, you could contrive to
get one up yourself.

I am. Sir, Your obedient Servant,

Rnsncus.

18 Zweetn'iss, sweetness.

19 Zniff, sniff, smeil.

20 Theezelf, thyself.

21 Vresher, fresher.

22 Loor ! interject.

23 Vortune, fortune.

• Greace, grace. \ 15 Yan, yon, yonder. \ 24 'Ood, would.

1 Vittust, fittest. I 16 Kearnaition, Carnation. '• *5 Zupporun, supposing.

• Pleace, place. ' " Ool, will. ! 26 "Wur, were.

Glossary. I 8 Vor, for.

1 AVoot, wilt thou. ' 10 Noighbour, neighbour.

* Charmunest, charminyesU ! 11 Warnd, warrant.
» Vlowers, flowers. 12 Vind, find.

4 Veed,/cc<i. ! 13 Moor, more.

» Goo, go. 14 Vair, fair.

QEtntbersftg Intelligence.

The following questions have been privately sent us by the Cambridge
Moderators, as part of the examination for the candidates for the Poll
degree. Mr. Punch, always desirous of benefiting " Young England,"
lays these questions before his numerous readers.

1. Given the force, i.e. the wight in gold, of the salary of the Lord
Chancellor, and the time in which Lord Lyndhurst is expected to resign ;
required the velocity with which Lord Brougham turns round from
Whiggism to Toryism.

2. Given the force with which your fist is propelled against a cabman,
and the angle at which it strikes him ; required the area of mud he will
cover on reaching the horizontal plane.

3. Show the incorrectness of using imaginary quantities, by attempting
to put off your creditors with promising to pay them out of your Pennsyl-
vania dividends.

THE PRIZE FOOTMAN SHOW.

The great success attending the Prize Cattle Show has induced a

body of enterprising noblemen, interested in the yet-youthful science

of Slaveyculture, to start the following show, the particulars of

which are subjoined for the benefit of rising Pages, and ambitioua
Errand-boys :—

prize hali-p0i1ter.

1st Frits.—£30, and a gold medal, to Sir G. Chokefull, Bart., for a.
hall porter, aged 68 : weighs 20 stone, fatted on 15,000 lbs. of roast beef,
cabbage, hot-rolls, and porter. Waddled to the show 100 yards, wheeled
in his chair the rest.

phize footman.

2nd Prize.—,£20, and a silver medal, to the Earl of Powdertax, tor a
full-calved, long-backed London footman, 30 years old : fatted is
Grosrenor-square, on patties, sweetbreads, vol-au-vents, and other deli-
cacies, washed down by his master's best old Port. Travelled to tis»
show, hanging on, with two others, behind the carriage.