DOI issue:
January to June, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16519#0067
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE OPENING OF THE SESSION.
(A Leader for (he Post.)
he shrill blast of tho British trumpet has
blown the glad note of the Constitution into the
patriotic ear, and the bounding heart beats in
the bursting bosom of every one who loves his
land and her laws—his hearth, his hob, his
household gods, and all the other contingencies
which make the soil of England the soil of
liberty.
Parliament has opened. Time has blown
another tremendous trump from his shrill cla-
rion. Neptune again digs his trident into the
water at his side, and " Britannia rules the
Waves" is the burden of the joyous ptean.
It seldom happens that a speech from the
throne is so thoroughly satisfactory as that
just delivered by her Majesty. Trade is revived. Stockings
that lately hung unsold in the windows at nine and a half (we
mean 9^d.) have appeared with altered ccrnpows, rating them at a
higher and a fairer figure. Prosperity is literally gushing from
the pockets of the people, and plenty is reeling about in rampant
luxuriance. The sal volatile of a good harvest has been applied to
the nostrils of trade, which has wonderfully revived in consequence ;
and it is a notorious fact, that abundance is going about begging for
some one to adopt as his own its numerous advantages. In the em-
phatic words of somebody, " There never were such times ;'Vand in
the styi more emphatic words of somebody else,—but no—we will
not be too eager to boast, lest, like the Thracian commander; we are
compelled to cry, " Who'd have thought it!"
GOVERNMENT ADVERTISEMENT.
\\TANTED for Ireland, an Attorney-General, who will be ready to
» » challenge not only jurors but Counsel themselves, and who will be
prepared to fight the battles of the Crown with pistols—the question
of a defendant being "worth powder and shot" having a strictly
literal meaning, which may be resolved on application to the
dofendant's advocate. The applicant for the office must be willing
to give every one satisfaction bymeans of pistols—but not otherwise ;
—a disregard to the dignity and authority of the Bench, evincing an
independence of spirit, will be liberally treated with ; and any one
against whom the public, on all sides, may have been calling out, will
not be objected to, if he calls out one of his learned brethren.
MONKS AND MAGISTRATES.
" It seems now to be a regular part of the magistrate's duties, after the ordinary
business of the Court is over, to attend to Cue appeal's for relief from tiie crowds of
squalid and emaciated applicants who may be seen daily congregated in the waiting-
room."—Morning Post.
In the good old times—old times, by the way, appear to have'been
always good—of rosary and paternoster, the -monk was made the
almoner 'to the poor : the door of the monastery was sought by the
foolish people who rejoice that " A. B." should send " 10s. for the
widow West," forget, in the ignorance of their gladness, the danger
that such improvident charity may bring upon our noblest institutions.
We have looked very deeply, indeed;, into this mill-stone, and are at
once prepared to publish the result of our labour. We do not hesi-
tate to state the fact, that we believe both Church and good govern-
ment to be in peril from the unthinking deeds of people, who will
send their gold and silver to the police-offices for the relief of the
poor, when the said subscribers should keep their pockets buttoned,
and think serenely and gratefully upon the virtues of Somerset
House. To make magistrates the dolers-out of private alms, what
is it, we ask, but to offer a pains-taking insult to the Poor Law
Commissioners 1
Before, however, we proceed to paint the evil in all its natural
deformity, let us in candour allow that the practice of making a
police-court a temporary place of refuge for destitution—of accus-
toming the people to associate a place of punishment with a place ot
charity—is, very properly, calculated to perpetuate the union between
guilt and poverty ; making them, indeed, bone of each other's bone
—flesh of each other's flesh,—a marriage which even Poor Law Com-
missioners respect, never—as in the case of vulgar wedlock—
separating the parties. Thus, that starvation should seek a loaf where
crime is awarded handcuffs, is, we insist upon it, very properly to
associate destitution with wickedness ; an association which, with good
reason, makes much of the pride of the thrifty and respectable people
in this our respectable world.
That, however, the Established Church is in danger from the
practice of making magistrates almsgivers, cannot, have escaped
the aquiline observation of such men as Colonel Stbthorp and Mr.
Plumptre, though, oddly enough, they have hitherto been mute as
oysters on the circumstance. We can see in this the invidious
attempts of Puseyism, which seeks to bring into disrepute the rectors
and curates of the Established Church, to the present time—the fact
is notorious !—visitants at the hovels of the London poor. We have
already had a sort of side-wind proposal in the House of Commons to
establish lay-monasteries and nunneries ; and this continual sending
of alms to magistrates, instead of entrusting them to the clergy of the
parish, results from the same active and dangerous spirit. A man
with a properly-constituted nose may smell Puseyism, where duller
organs apprehend nothing but the mere odour of charity. For our
own part, we shall scorn to be surprised if someday Mr. Broughtox
takes his seat with a rosary at his side, and Mr Twyford appears—
all the merely criminal cases disposed of—frocked and cowled;
And next to the insult offered to Somerset-House.' We contend,
that every shilling sent to a police-office for the aid of any calamity
thereat whimpering, is an overt act of disaffection to that govern-
ment which has placed, as it were, the heart-strings of the menial
poor in the tender hands of judicious commissioners. We are not
skilled in the many beautiful bye-ways of law—it is with a sigh that
we confess our ignorance—yet have we a lively faith that the reck-
less subscribers to the police poor-box might, somehow, be reached
by the castigating spirit of some statute.
For the present, however, we shall content ourselves with two
indignant questions : Is charity only to be found with street-walkers,
at a police-office ?—Are Magistrates to be made Monks ?
A SONG FOR THE MILLION.
When Harry Brougham turns a Tory,
« squalid and emaciated," and the charities of the rich and pious Too lat'e conviuc^ that Wh- het£y-
were doled out by the frocked sons of the church. The good old times
are past and gone, and the wickedness of the present is upon us.
Nevertheless, we have our appointed almoners. Moifks Frahcis and
llildebrand and Lawrence are succeeded by Fathers Bro'ughton,
Broderig, and Twyford : the friar re-appears in the magistrate. The
monastery is a picturesque ruin, tenanted by owls and lizards ; but
the "waiting-room" of Marlborough-street police-office is made
populous by human misery, and destitution. The "ladye" of the
baron or knight—the merchant's or the yeoman's wife, no longer
sends her poor's-gift through the church, but through the police :
justice is made alms-giver ; and for the thanks and praises of the
friar, we have instead a due acknowledgment in the Times and
Chronicle.
We fear this state of things has escaped the perception of those
particularly excellent people, who would make the human heart a
mere clause ia an Act of Parliament, and who very properly discou-
rage all benevolence as eccentric and injurious, save that paid upon
receipt to the man duly authorised to collect the poor's-rate. The
What can revive his tarntsh'd glory ?
What his desertion best repay ?
The only robe his shame to cover,
To hide the brand upon his back,
And best reward this faithless lover—
That Peel can give him is—the sack.
CHEMICAL ANALYSIS.
It is not generally known that the new medicine. " Morphine," so
fashionable now with the faculty for its narcotic qualities, isjextracted
from Files of the Morning Post, boiled down to a pulp, and subjected to
a strong chemical process. In consequence of these virtues, it is ru-
moured that the name of the journal in question will shortly be changed
to " The Morning Morpheus," and that its readers, for their better
sleeping accommodation, will, in future, be provided with two "sheets'"
instead of one.
THE OPENING OF THE SESSION.
(A Leader for (he Post.)
he shrill blast of tho British trumpet has
blown the glad note of the Constitution into the
patriotic ear, and the bounding heart beats in
the bursting bosom of every one who loves his
land and her laws—his hearth, his hob, his
household gods, and all the other contingencies
which make the soil of England the soil of
liberty.
Parliament has opened. Time has blown
another tremendous trump from his shrill cla-
rion. Neptune again digs his trident into the
water at his side, and " Britannia rules the
Waves" is the burden of the joyous ptean.
It seldom happens that a speech from the
throne is so thoroughly satisfactory as that
just delivered by her Majesty. Trade is revived. Stockings
that lately hung unsold in the windows at nine and a half (we
mean 9^d.) have appeared with altered ccrnpows, rating them at a
higher and a fairer figure. Prosperity is literally gushing from
the pockets of the people, and plenty is reeling about in rampant
luxuriance. The sal volatile of a good harvest has been applied to
the nostrils of trade, which has wonderfully revived in consequence ;
and it is a notorious fact, that abundance is going about begging for
some one to adopt as his own its numerous advantages. In the em-
phatic words of somebody, " There never were such times ;'Vand in
the styi more emphatic words of somebody else,—but no—we will
not be too eager to boast, lest, like the Thracian commander; we are
compelled to cry, " Who'd have thought it!"
GOVERNMENT ADVERTISEMENT.
\\TANTED for Ireland, an Attorney-General, who will be ready to
» » challenge not only jurors but Counsel themselves, and who will be
prepared to fight the battles of the Crown with pistols—the question
of a defendant being "worth powder and shot" having a strictly
literal meaning, which may be resolved on application to the
dofendant's advocate. The applicant for the office must be willing
to give every one satisfaction bymeans of pistols—but not otherwise ;
—a disregard to the dignity and authority of the Bench, evincing an
independence of spirit, will be liberally treated with ; and any one
against whom the public, on all sides, may have been calling out, will
not be objected to, if he calls out one of his learned brethren.
MONKS AND MAGISTRATES.
" It seems now to be a regular part of the magistrate's duties, after the ordinary
business of the Court is over, to attend to Cue appeal's for relief from tiie crowds of
squalid and emaciated applicants who may be seen daily congregated in the waiting-
room."—Morning Post.
In the good old times—old times, by the way, appear to have'been
always good—of rosary and paternoster, the -monk was made the
almoner 'to the poor : the door of the monastery was sought by the
foolish people who rejoice that " A. B." should send " 10s. for the
widow West," forget, in the ignorance of their gladness, the danger
that such improvident charity may bring upon our noblest institutions.
We have looked very deeply, indeed;, into this mill-stone, and are at
once prepared to publish the result of our labour. We do not hesi-
tate to state the fact, that we believe both Church and good govern-
ment to be in peril from the unthinking deeds of people, who will
send their gold and silver to the police-offices for the relief of the
poor, when the said subscribers should keep their pockets buttoned,
and think serenely and gratefully upon the virtues of Somerset
House. To make magistrates the dolers-out of private alms, what
is it, we ask, but to offer a pains-taking insult to the Poor Law
Commissioners 1
Before, however, we proceed to paint the evil in all its natural
deformity, let us in candour allow that the practice of making a
police-court a temporary place of refuge for destitution—of accus-
toming the people to associate a place of punishment with a place ot
charity—is, very properly, calculated to perpetuate the union between
guilt and poverty ; making them, indeed, bone of each other's bone
—flesh of each other's flesh,—a marriage which even Poor Law Com-
missioners respect, never—as in the case of vulgar wedlock—
separating the parties. Thus, that starvation should seek a loaf where
crime is awarded handcuffs, is, we insist upon it, very properly to
associate destitution with wickedness ; an association which, with good
reason, makes much of the pride of the thrifty and respectable people
in this our respectable world.
That, however, the Established Church is in danger from the
practice of making magistrates almsgivers, cannot, have escaped
the aquiline observation of such men as Colonel Stbthorp and Mr.
Plumptre, though, oddly enough, they have hitherto been mute as
oysters on the circumstance. We can see in this the invidious
attempts of Puseyism, which seeks to bring into disrepute the rectors
and curates of the Established Church, to the present time—the fact
is notorious !—visitants at the hovels of the London poor. We have
already had a sort of side-wind proposal in the House of Commons to
establish lay-monasteries and nunneries ; and this continual sending
of alms to magistrates, instead of entrusting them to the clergy of the
parish, results from the same active and dangerous spirit. A man
with a properly-constituted nose may smell Puseyism, where duller
organs apprehend nothing but the mere odour of charity. For our
own part, we shall scorn to be surprised if someday Mr. Broughtox
takes his seat with a rosary at his side, and Mr Twyford appears—
all the merely criminal cases disposed of—frocked and cowled;
And next to the insult offered to Somerset-House.' We contend,
that every shilling sent to a police-office for the aid of any calamity
thereat whimpering, is an overt act of disaffection to that govern-
ment which has placed, as it were, the heart-strings of the menial
poor in the tender hands of judicious commissioners. We are not
skilled in the many beautiful bye-ways of law—it is with a sigh that
we confess our ignorance—yet have we a lively faith that the reck-
less subscribers to the police poor-box might, somehow, be reached
by the castigating spirit of some statute.
For the present, however, we shall content ourselves with two
indignant questions : Is charity only to be found with street-walkers,
at a police-office ?—Are Magistrates to be made Monks ?
A SONG FOR THE MILLION.
When Harry Brougham turns a Tory,
« squalid and emaciated," and the charities of the rich and pious Too lat'e conviuc^ that Wh- het£y-
were doled out by the frocked sons of the church. The good old times
are past and gone, and the wickedness of the present is upon us.
Nevertheless, we have our appointed almoners. Moifks Frahcis and
llildebrand and Lawrence are succeeded by Fathers Bro'ughton,
Broderig, and Twyford : the friar re-appears in the magistrate. The
monastery is a picturesque ruin, tenanted by owls and lizards ; but
the "waiting-room" of Marlborough-street police-office is made
populous by human misery, and destitution. The "ladye" of the
baron or knight—the merchant's or the yeoman's wife, no longer
sends her poor's-gift through the church, but through the police :
justice is made alms-giver ; and for the thanks and praises of the
friar, we have instead a due acknowledgment in the Times and
Chronicle.
We fear this state of things has escaped the perception of those
particularly excellent people, who would make the human heart a
mere clause ia an Act of Parliament, and who very properly discou-
rage all benevolence as eccentric and injurious, save that paid upon
receipt to the man duly authorised to collect the poor's-rate. The
What can revive his tarntsh'd glory ?
What his desertion best repay ?
The only robe his shame to cover,
To hide the brand upon his back,
And best reward this faithless lover—
That Peel can give him is—the sack.
CHEMICAL ANALYSIS.
It is not generally known that the new medicine. " Morphine," so
fashionable now with the faculty for its narcotic qualities, isjextracted
from Files of the Morning Post, boiled down to a pulp, and subjected to
a strong chemical process. In consequence of these virtues, it is ru-
moured that the name of the journal in question will shortly be changed
to " The Morning Morpheus," and that its readers, for their better
sleeping accommodation, will, in future, be provided with two "sheets'"
instead of one.