DOI Heft:
January to June, 1844
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16519#0150
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
J53
THE SCHOOLMISTRESS ABROAD.
purse-strings will be liberally drawn in furtherance of its benevolent views-
To appeal to any but the loftiest motives to induce the daughters of
England to enlist themselves under its banners, were an unworthy task ;
still there is one recommendation which we would venture to suggest to its
projectors. Let no expense be spared in providing every missionary with
the most tasteful and elegant dresses, as well to augment as much as
possible the force of their gentle precepts, as to recompense the fair
enthusiasts for their labours in the work of love. Of any funds that may
be raised for the purpose, Punch will be most willing to undertake the
management.
Great as have been the exertions of our missionaries in promoting the
cause of civilisation ; numerous and sanguinary as have been the achieve-
ments of our warriors, directed solely to that philanthropic end, they have
GEMS FROM JENKINS.
Our dear friend has begun lately a very artful way of conciliating the
all signally failed. Savages are savages, Hottentots Hottentots still*. We aristocracy of the country : viz., by writing bud French in his Journal
have tried to reform the world by force ; it would not do. It is to per-
suasion alone that the brute nature is amenable. The herbaceous boon
and the bland recommendation to advance, are more operative on the
asinine quadruped than the stern imprecation and the oaken cudgel
,j • • ri.ii. „ „f *u„ „__*i„ t • it. peura donne de bon aclemmation;"
Persuasion is peculiarly the weapon of the gentler sex. io coax is the 1 v
Witness the two following paragraphs extracted from Tuesday's Journal,
and profound specimens of Jenkinsian dissimulation :—
" Un jeune homme, ape de 30 ans, parlant Francais, Allemande et Anglais, que a
seme de famille destingue ileseire se placer comme Valet d'ehambre, ou Courier, que
attribute of woman. To woman, therefore, must be confided the task of
humanising Man ; and it is with unfeigned pleasure that we hear that a
female mission is about to be founded for the Propagation of Politeness
in Foreign Parts.
Its arrangements have not, as yet, been completed; but many young
ladies of the world of Fashion, we understand, have already offered their
services; and are ready at the shortest notice to leave home and country,
Opera and Assembly, to diffuse the blesings of refinement over distant shores.
Our principal English vocalists have also offered to come forward ; and
in their offer several foreign urlistes, including the most eminent danseuses,
have joined. Among others, Persiani, we believe, is destined for New
Zealand, and Carlotta Grisi for Timbuctoo.
We hope it will succeed. Sceptics may sneer; and the faithless in
humanity anticipate failure ; but that female assiduities, rightly directed,
will felicitously effect the desired object, we do not doubt. The black is
as capable of polish as the boot ; nor is woman inferior to Day and
Martin.
Will the Chinese, asks the scoffer, amputate his pigtail ; will he eschew
opium at the behest of beauty ? Analogy answers, " No doubt of it."
Behold the youthful poet—the rising artist. One day he walks, fancy
free, down Regent Street; his locks straggling over his shoulders or
fluttering in the gale. The very next, the request of Affection despatches
him to the establishment of Truefit, and the locks of Eccentricity are
sacrificed at the shrine of Loveliness. Mustachios, beard, imperial, are
resigned without a sigh ; and the censorship of womanhood reduces the
exuberance of whisker. The mild Havannah, at the yet milder remon-
strance of female lips, is cast away ; and the snuff-box, without a murmur,
is emptied into the fire. Do we not, under the same gentle influence, see
the once knotted neckcloth assume the graceful bow ; the coot, formerly
innocent of the clothes-brush, become spotless and speckless ; the cheap
exchanged for the western tailor; and the four-and-nine-penny gossamer
for the velvet nap? Do we not find Circassian cream, Naples soap,
Kalydor, and Eau de Cologne, added to the once simple toilet ? Do not
awkwardness and rusticity rush to Nathan, and with privacy and expedition
iearn to dance.
Surely the power thus effectual on the domestic Goth will act vet more
resistlessly on the foreign barbarian. And what glorious results may we
not anticipate from it! The anthropophagous Carib will be converted to
mutton ; the train oil of the Laplander will be superseded by blanc-mange.
The Ojibbeway Indian, renouncing the scarecrow, will exchange feathers
and paint for kerseymere and super Saxony, and relinquish his hideous
war-dance for the graceful quadrille. The piano will resound in the
Kraal of the Caffre ; the Negro lip will attune the flute. The world, in
short, will be one vast drawing-room ; its citizens one large tea-party.
We trust that the proposed mission will receive that full measure of
support to which its prospective usefulness entitles it ; and that the public
" Uric personne Francaise,.....elle sai» faire les robes, et bien coiffee ; elle
n'a point d'objection de prendre le soin d'une petite Demoiselle si necessaire, point
d'objection pourlacampagne ni Londre, mais une Famille pour voyager sera preferable."
They are copied from our fashionable contemporary with laborious
accuracy, and coutain specimens of a noble eccentricity of style, which
we never believed to have existed in any person below the rank of the
Marquis of Londonderry. Even he could not write worse French than
the Courier of the Post. And little boys of six years old will remark
with pleasure that out of the last twenty-two words in the paragraph,
only four are right. Was it the Morning Post who wrote, or was it the
Courier * Only the fashionable contemporary knows this awful secret.
The Femme de Chambre announcement is evidently the writing of an
English person, "une petite demoiselle si necessaire," a little girl so
necessary, and " une famille pour voyager sera preferable" ''a family to
travel will be preferable," are, we fearlessly assert, the expressions of
Betty the housemaid, not of Manon the Femme de Chamhre. Or is
there a presiding genius at the office of the Post, who himself composes
these remarkable advertisements \ and who writes about " que a servie.''
and " de bon aclemmation," and " elle sais faire," and " elle sais coiffee V
We are inclined to think that Jenkins writes bad French, not because
he knows no better, but because in the fashionable world good French
would not be understood. They don't like it there. They like their
French loaded and doctored like their wine ; and J.—knowing his public
will only consume a bad article,—supplies that bad article to their hearts'
content. If Lady Londonderry, if Lady Blessington, if Lady Bulwer,
if Mrs. Trollope, if the fashionable world in a word proves its dislike of
good French by constantly practising bad, why should a journalist venture
to differ from such authorities, or pretend to better behaviour than his
betters ?
HEARTLESS SPOLIATION.
Perhaps the whole history of burglary—and we appeal to Mr. Ains-
worth to corroborate the speculation—never displayed a more cruel and
heartless robbery than that—according to the Morning Post—lately
committed in the house of the Reverend John Campbell, Selkirk House,
in the county of Selkirk. That house was entered on the 21st ult., and
the reverend gentleman despoiled, amoDg other precious things, of " a
silver chased toddy jug ! " Milton asks—
--who would rob a hermit of his beads,
His maple dish ? "
Possibly, not even Selkirk thieves. We therefore recommend to the
Rev. John Campbell henceforth to drink his toddy out of a wooden
vessel, maple or other ; for what, asks Father Mathew, " has any
churchman to do with toddy jugs of chased silver 1 "•
J53
THE SCHOOLMISTRESS ABROAD.
purse-strings will be liberally drawn in furtherance of its benevolent views-
To appeal to any but the loftiest motives to induce the daughters of
England to enlist themselves under its banners, were an unworthy task ;
still there is one recommendation which we would venture to suggest to its
projectors. Let no expense be spared in providing every missionary with
the most tasteful and elegant dresses, as well to augment as much as
possible the force of their gentle precepts, as to recompense the fair
enthusiasts for their labours in the work of love. Of any funds that may
be raised for the purpose, Punch will be most willing to undertake the
management.
Great as have been the exertions of our missionaries in promoting the
cause of civilisation ; numerous and sanguinary as have been the achieve-
ments of our warriors, directed solely to that philanthropic end, they have
GEMS FROM JENKINS.
Our dear friend has begun lately a very artful way of conciliating the
all signally failed. Savages are savages, Hottentots Hottentots still*. We aristocracy of the country : viz., by writing bud French in his Journal
have tried to reform the world by force ; it would not do. It is to per-
suasion alone that the brute nature is amenable. The herbaceous boon
and the bland recommendation to advance, are more operative on the
asinine quadruped than the stern imprecation and the oaken cudgel
,j • • ri.ii. „ „f *u„ „__*i„ t • it. peura donne de bon aclemmation;"
Persuasion is peculiarly the weapon of the gentler sex. io coax is the 1 v
Witness the two following paragraphs extracted from Tuesday's Journal,
and profound specimens of Jenkinsian dissimulation :—
" Un jeune homme, ape de 30 ans, parlant Francais, Allemande et Anglais, que a
seme de famille destingue ileseire se placer comme Valet d'ehambre, ou Courier, que
attribute of woman. To woman, therefore, must be confided the task of
humanising Man ; and it is with unfeigned pleasure that we hear that a
female mission is about to be founded for the Propagation of Politeness
in Foreign Parts.
Its arrangements have not, as yet, been completed; but many young
ladies of the world of Fashion, we understand, have already offered their
services; and are ready at the shortest notice to leave home and country,
Opera and Assembly, to diffuse the blesings of refinement over distant shores.
Our principal English vocalists have also offered to come forward ; and
in their offer several foreign urlistes, including the most eminent danseuses,
have joined. Among others, Persiani, we believe, is destined for New
Zealand, and Carlotta Grisi for Timbuctoo.
We hope it will succeed. Sceptics may sneer; and the faithless in
humanity anticipate failure ; but that female assiduities, rightly directed,
will felicitously effect the desired object, we do not doubt. The black is
as capable of polish as the boot ; nor is woman inferior to Day and
Martin.
Will the Chinese, asks the scoffer, amputate his pigtail ; will he eschew
opium at the behest of beauty ? Analogy answers, " No doubt of it."
Behold the youthful poet—the rising artist. One day he walks, fancy
free, down Regent Street; his locks straggling over his shoulders or
fluttering in the gale. The very next, the request of Affection despatches
him to the establishment of Truefit, and the locks of Eccentricity are
sacrificed at the shrine of Loveliness. Mustachios, beard, imperial, are
resigned without a sigh ; and the censorship of womanhood reduces the
exuberance of whisker. The mild Havannah, at the yet milder remon-
strance of female lips, is cast away ; and the snuff-box, without a murmur,
is emptied into the fire. Do we not, under the same gentle influence, see
the once knotted neckcloth assume the graceful bow ; the coot, formerly
innocent of the clothes-brush, become spotless and speckless ; the cheap
exchanged for the western tailor; and the four-and-nine-penny gossamer
for the velvet nap? Do we not find Circassian cream, Naples soap,
Kalydor, and Eau de Cologne, added to the once simple toilet ? Do not
awkwardness and rusticity rush to Nathan, and with privacy and expedition
iearn to dance.
Surely the power thus effectual on the domestic Goth will act vet more
resistlessly on the foreign barbarian. And what glorious results may we
not anticipate from it! The anthropophagous Carib will be converted to
mutton ; the train oil of the Laplander will be superseded by blanc-mange.
The Ojibbeway Indian, renouncing the scarecrow, will exchange feathers
and paint for kerseymere and super Saxony, and relinquish his hideous
war-dance for the graceful quadrille. The piano will resound in the
Kraal of the Caffre ; the Negro lip will attune the flute. The world, in
short, will be one vast drawing-room ; its citizens one large tea-party.
We trust that the proposed mission will receive that full measure of
support to which its prospective usefulness entitles it ; and that the public
" Uric personne Francaise,.....elle sai» faire les robes, et bien coiffee ; elle
n'a point d'objection de prendre le soin d'une petite Demoiselle si necessaire, point
d'objection pourlacampagne ni Londre, mais une Famille pour voyager sera preferable."
They are copied from our fashionable contemporary with laborious
accuracy, and coutain specimens of a noble eccentricity of style, which
we never believed to have existed in any person below the rank of the
Marquis of Londonderry. Even he could not write worse French than
the Courier of the Post. And little boys of six years old will remark
with pleasure that out of the last twenty-two words in the paragraph,
only four are right. Was it the Morning Post who wrote, or was it the
Courier * Only the fashionable contemporary knows this awful secret.
The Femme de Chambre announcement is evidently the writing of an
English person, "une petite demoiselle si necessaire," a little girl so
necessary, and " une famille pour voyager sera preferable" ''a family to
travel will be preferable," are, we fearlessly assert, the expressions of
Betty the housemaid, not of Manon the Femme de Chamhre. Or is
there a presiding genius at the office of the Post, who himself composes
these remarkable advertisements \ and who writes about " que a servie.''
and " de bon aclemmation," and " elle sais faire," and " elle sais coiffee V
We are inclined to think that Jenkins writes bad French, not because
he knows no better, but because in the fashionable world good French
would not be understood. They don't like it there. They like their
French loaded and doctored like their wine ; and J.—knowing his public
will only consume a bad article,—supplies that bad article to their hearts'
content. If Lady Londonderry, if Lady Blessington, if Lady Bulwer,
if Mrs. Trollope, if the fashionable world in a word proves its dislike of
good French by constantly practising bad, why should a journalist venture
to differ from such authorities, or pretend to better behaviour than his
betters ?
HEARTLESS SPOLIATION.
Perhaps the whole history of burglary—and we appeal to Mr. Ains-
worth to corroborate the speculation—never displayed a more cruel and
heartless robbery than that—according to the Morning Post—lately
committed in the house of the Reverend John Campbell, Selkirk House,
in the county of Selkirk. That house was entered on the 21st ult., and
the reverend gentleman despoiled, amoDg other precious things, of " a
silver chased toddy jug ! " Milton asks—
--who would rob a hermit of his beads,
His maple dish ? "
Possibly, not even Selkirk thieves. We therefore recommend to the
Rev. John Campbell henceforth to drink his toddy out of a wooden
vessel, maple or other ; for what, asks Father Mathew, " has any
churchman to do with toddy jugs of chased silver 1 "•