Punch: Punch (6.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

195

EMMA AND ULPHO.

<H Srarna in tfibt <Hris\

■ffHITTEN FOR EASTER, SANCTIONED BY THE LORD CHAMBERLAIN, BUT
REJECTED BY ALL THE THEATRES.

ACT 1.

(A dark night. The Curtain rises, and discovers nobody on the Stage.)

( Ulpho speaks.) " How dark it is."

(He is answered by a hollow voice which is inaudible.)
Ulpho. " I do not feel comfortable, nor as I once did." (siyhs.)

(The stage gradually fills till Ulpho is forced forward to the fool-
lights, which go out. The crowd parts asunder suddenly, and a
figure comes slowly forward.)
Fiqure. (Says nothing.)
Ulpho. "I feel chilly."
(Figure smiles contemptuously and puts his hands in his breeches'
pockets. He then addresses Ulpho silently, and, after hesitating
more than once, breaks down at last altogether.)

ACT II.

(Still darker night. Graves spring their rallies and watchmen open.
Fate is seen silling in the back ground in the shape of a police-
man. A glow-worm roars, and the side-scenes sliakc perceptibly.
The moon, which has been slowly rising, falls suddenly down.)
Ulpho. " Unfortunate moon !"
Emma. " Will you never cease to despond V
Ulpho. " Nothing on earth shall ever induce me."

(He takes his cap from his head, awl hawjs it carefully on a hat-

Emma " I am much obliged to you, but I have already made my own

arrangements-"

(A pair of jack-boots are carried across the Stage.)
Emma. " Are those, perhaps, the mortal remains of my Ultho V

(Ulpho enters in carpet slippers.)
Ulpho. "I am still alive, but I wear boots no more."

(The river rises, and a Dragoon Regiment, which has been stationed
on the opposite bank, are carried away, one by one, by the flood.
Ulpho fetches an umbrella from the side scenes.)
Emma. "Would we could share it together !"

stand. In a fit of desperation he begins to tear his hair from
his head. Emma sinks into a swoon, and leaving Ulpho in the
centre of the Stage, she goes off at both wings.)

ACT III.

( The morning breaks, and is already in many pieces. The first rays
of the sun are reflected in several hundred dewdrops which are
rocking themselves in the gently waving brushwood. Two masks
drop from the trees and rush on each other's swords.)

1st Mask. " Are you dead ?"
2nd Mask. " Only parts of me."

Enter Emma.

1*/ Mask. " Lady, may I ask if you have any present intention of giving
up the ghost, if so, perhaps I could-\ "

(Ulpho is about to give it to her, when a thunderbolt descends, and
the umbrella falls between them.)

Ulpho. " Fate has decided otherwise."

( They embrace, and the curtain falls in an agitated manner)

ACT IV.

(Enter an Old Man with a very broad-brimmed hat.)

Old Man. " Woe ! Woe ! "
Ulpho. " What brought you here ?"

Old Man (wildly). " Can I never preserve my incognito ?'

\_IIc slabs himself]

(Emma regarding the body).
" A fate like his I must admire ;
How pleasant must it be to
die ?

Not otherwise would I expire,
And you, my Ulpho, standing
by." [She stabs herself.

Ulpho. " Ah ! now I feel
lighter, better."

[He starves himself to death.

ACT V.

Enter the Duke. A Lay
Figure is also brought on
to the stage.

Lay Figure. " Behold the
victims of thy revenge."

[ GrandSccua.-—Furies enter
and tear the Duke slowly to
pieces. The end of the drama
now approaches rapidly,
and whilst everything is
trembling in every direc-
tion, the Prompter rushes
on to the small piece of
stage still remaining, and
slabs himself with a pair
of snuffers, and

the curtain and the theatre fall together.

Mr. Roebuck having so successfully laboured to take off the rust from
the reputations of his friends, has earned for himself the nattering title of
the—Bath Brick !