DOI issue:
January to June, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16519#0212
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 215
| spelling his own name, or that of any body else, differently from the way
i?x'/-<t k vn a vtt» upd tjt7atmt?o I™ *'hich he pronounces it, or, by pronouncing it differently from the
manner in which he spells it, shall forfeit for each offence a sum not
exceeding Five Shillings."
tery one must be aware that England owes If the above Bill is not likely to do as much good to the country as any
much of her glory to her Beadlery. The that has been as yet introduced into Parliament this session, Punch will
early Beadle, or Bedell, is a very ancient allow himself to be shot,
officer, and we find traces of him in the time
of Wicklyffe, who talks of that " Jollie olde
dogge ye beedel." but what were the duties of
the office at that early age we have no means
of arriving at. It is not our intention to take
a comprehensive view of the ancient beadlery,
though there might be a great deal of pleasant
gossip on a subject so suggestive of small
talk and chat. Our present purpose is to
look at England in relation to beadles present
—not to beadles past, though we may, per-
haps, throw oat a few suggestions as to beadles hereafter to come.
It is one of the remarkable facts connected with the streetkeepery of
this metropolis, that it thrives most where it is required least, and it has
been nicely observed by a recent speaker, (a gentleman we dined with the
other day,) that where nature has planted tranquillity, authority has fixed
a streetkeeper. Panton Square, for instance—which is an isolated tract
free translation of
"THE LITTLE FRENCHMAN'S FIRST LESSON,
Eu^ci-thcG,
with high admiration op his genius,
to m. de l-, poet-in-chief to the paris " charivari.
unknown even to the oldest inhabitant. Panton Square is, nevertheless,
burdened with a beadle, whose only occupation is to watch the setting sun
and count the iron railings, the scrapers, the knockers, the bells, and the
flower-pots. Perhaps the flower of English beadlery may be looked for
in the Burlington Arcade, but here also is a limited field for the exercise
of power, for Burlington enjoys a truly Arcadian peacefulness.
But it will be said, while speaking of the beadles that are superfluous,
we are forgetting the beadles that are deficient, and we feel that we ought
not to lose sight of the latter branch of this truly national subject.
In looking at the basins of Trafalgar Square, we at once feel that the
paper and orange peel thrown upon its waters would never be there if
England and her beadles were true to each other, at all times and in all
places. It is true that there is now a policeman on duty to protect the
posts from the desecration to which a juvenile thirst for leapfrog had
originally doomed them, and to save the water from that ignominy
which a national tendency to the game of duck and drake had consigned
it—but still something is wanting. Policemen may frighten the pick-
pockets, sentinels may awe the doers of wilful damage, but for striking
terror iuto the boys, England must trust only to her beadlery. Trafalgar
Square will never be secure from juvenile desecration. The fountains will
never be free from orange peel, the posts will never be safe from the
boyish bound, until the British beadle is permanently planted on her
massive steps, her expansive area, and her noble borders.
ACT FOR THE AMENDMENT of the ORTHOGRAPHY
OF SURNAMES.
uW3\$ZTZa.£ divers and sundry persons, subjects of Her Most Gracious
Majesty, Victoria, of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the
Faith, are known, called, and designated by certain surnames, which are
spelt one way and pronounced another; end whereas such names are so
spelt that nobody upon earth could, from their spelling, have the remotest
idea of their pronunciation ; by reason whereof, others, faithful subjects
of Her said Majesty, are continually led into mistakes in the utterance of
them, thereby often giving great offence to their owners, and exposing
themselves unto derision and ridicule, to their no small discomfort and
discomposure of mind ; and moreover whereas a great many other incon-
veniences are by the same means occasioned ;
Be it Enacted, That from the passing of this Act, henceforth and for
ever, no Person calling himself Chumley shall spell his name Cholmon-
dely ; and that all manner of Persons who think proper to spell their
names Cholmondely, shall pronounce their said names, and have them
pronounced of others, precisely as they are spelt; that is to say, as words
of four syllables, with a due and distinct emphasis on each.
And whereas the name of Beauchamp is of French origin, be it further
enacted, that the said name shall be sounded of all men as nearly as pos-
sible after the French manner, and shall not be pronounced Beecham
tinder any pretence whatever : and that all manner of Persons calling
themselves Beecham shall write and spell their names, and shall have
them written and spelt accordingly ; provided always, that in case they
prefer to spell them Beechum. they'shall be at liberty so to do.
In like manner, Be it further Enacted. That Marjoribanks shall be
speltMarchbanks ; Wemyss, Wims ; and Colquhoun, Cohoon ; or if not,
then that they also shall be pronounced as they are spelt, and not in any
other manner. And, furthermore, Be it Enacted. That all other names
not expressly mentioned in this Act shall be spoken according to their
orthography. And, lastly, Be it Enacted, That any person, of what degree
wover, offendiDg against any one of the provisions of this Act, either by
(Mama loquitur.)
Come and hear me tell,
Little soldier mine,
Of those Ogres fell
Who on Frenchmen dine.
It will rcdke you mad ;
It will turn you blue ;
Little martial lad,
Little Frenchman true!—
Car ce sont-la des perfides Albion-
nais !
Men who will not fight
When their neighbours taunt,
Yet who thrash us quite
Soundly, when they want.
Those audacious tars,
Morning, noon, and night,
Little son of Mars,
Hold in mortal spite !
Car ce sont-la des perfides Albion-
nais .'
Curse thou, boy, Poictiers,
Crecy, Azincour,
Blenheim, Talavere,
And a hundred more—
Only Fontenoy—
Name that comes so pat,
Little martial boy
Make the most of that !
Bah '. ce sont-la des perfides
Albionnais !
Who burnt Joan of Arc
(The butcher ! nay, the baker !)
Recent deed and dark I
Who stormed John of Acre ?
He ! The Englishman !
Be it still thy joy
Him to curse and ban,
Little Christian boy !—
Car ce sont-la des perfides Albion-
nais !
They our Hero shut
Under bolt and lock—
In a wretched hut,
On a wretched rock :—
Poisoned there his food,
Every pot and pan,
Roasted, boiled, and stewed,
Little martial man !
Car ce sonl-la des perfides Albion-
nais !
Till, of all bereft,
That great heart was still ;
And he died, and left
An affecting will ; *
Whereon was impressed
His imperial soul,
By a meet bequest—
Child, so read the scroll !
Ah! ce sont-Ca des perfides Alowi-
nnis !
etc , etc., etc-
Vide "The Giant and tub Dwabf," in Punch, No. ME.
PUNCH'S MIRROR OF PARLIAMENT.
Sir Valentine Blake moved for a return of the name of the mason
who stood, by Prince Albert's desire, in one of the nooks reserved for
the statues of the Kings, also the length of time he stood there, how he
looked, and whether he was an Englishman, a Scotchman, a Welshman,
or an Irishman.
Sir James Graham had never heard of the fact. {Hear.) He had noi
even seen the nook ; but when he did, he (Sir James Graham) would be
quite prepared to go into it.
GRAND HYDROPATHIC DEMONSTRATION.
This display, which is to prove beyond a doubt what the science is
really capable of, has been put off, we understand, till the arrival of the
Emperor of Russia, when an experiment will be tried upon a scale
never before attempted.
ST. STEPHEN'S, WALBROOK.
This parish is now blessed with four churchwardens : Messrs. Gibbk
and Whitaker having claimed the office on one side, while Messrs.
Flight and Rock, on the other hand, declare themselves to have been
duly elected by the parishioners. Dr. Phillimore swore them all in,
though they all tried to swear each other out.
Notice of Motion.—Sir Valentine Blake to move for a Committee
to inquire whether, by the provisions of Lord Worsley's Bill for the ie-
closure of some of the Commons, he, Sir Valentine Blake, stood in an7
danger of being regularly shut up.
| spelling his own name, or that of any body else, differently from the way
i?x'/-<t k vn a vtt» upd tjt7atmt?o I™ *'hich he pronounces it, or, by pronouncing it differently from the
manner in which he spells it, shall forfeit for each offence a sum not
exceeding Five Shillings."
tery one must be aware that England owes If the above Bill is not likely to do as much good to the country as any
much of her glory to her Beadlery. The that has been as yet introduced into Parliament this session, Punch will
early Beadle, or Bedell, is a very ancient allow himself to be shot,
officer, and we find traces of him in the time
of Wicklyffe, who talks of that " Jollie olde
dogge ye beedel." but what were the duties of
the office at that early age we have no means
of arriving at. It is not our intention to take
a comprehensive view of the ancient beadlery,
though there might be a great deal of pleasant
gossip on a subject so suggestive of small
talk and chat. Our present purpose is to
look at England in relation to beadles present
—not to beadles past, though we may, per-
haps, throw oat a few suggestions as to beadles hereafter to come.
It is one of the remarkable facts connected with the streetkeepery of
this metropolis, that it thrives most where it is required least, and it has
been nicely observed by a recent speaker, (a gentleman we dined with the
other day,) that where nature has planted tranquillity, authority has fixed
a streetkeeper. Panton Square, for instance—which is an isolated tract
free translation of
"THE LITTLE FRENCHMAN'S FIRST LESSON,
Eu^ci-thcG,
with high admiration op his genius,
to m. de l-, poet-in-chief to the paris " charivari.
unknown even to the oldest inhabitant. Panton Square is, nevertheless,
burdened with a beadle, whose only occupation is to watch the setting sun
and count the iron railings, the scrapers, the knockers, the bells, and the
flower-pots. Perhaps the flower of English beadlery may be looked for
in the Burlington Arcade, but here also is a limited field for the exercise
of power, for Burlington enjoys a truly Arcadian peacefulness.
But it will be said, while speaking of the beadles that are superfluous,
we are forgetting the beadles that are deficient, and we feel that we ought
not to lose sight of the latter branch of this truly national subject.
In looking at the basins of Trafalgar Square, we at once feel that the
paper and orange peel thrown upon its waters would never be there if
England and her beadles were true to each other, at all times and in all
places. It is true that there is now a policeman on duty to protect the
posts from the desecration to which a juvenile thirst for leapfrog had
originally doomed them, and to save the water from that ignominy
which a national tendency to the game of duck and drake had consigned
it—but still something is wanting. Policemen may frighten the pick-
pockets, sentinels may awe the doers of wilful damage, but for striking
terror iuto the boys, England must trust only to her beadlery. Trafalgar
Square will never be secure from juvenile desecration. The fountains will
never be free from orange peel, the posts will never be safe from the
boyish bound, until the British beadle is permanently planted on her
massive steps, her expansive area, and her noble borders.
ACT FOR THE AMENDMENT of the ORTHOGRAPHY
OF SURNAMES.
uW3\$ZTZa.£ divers and sundry persons, subjects of Her Most Gracious
Majesty, Victoria, of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the
Faith, are known, called, and designated by certain surnames, which are
spelt one way and pronounced another; end whereas such names are so
spelt that nobody upon earth could, from their spelling, have the remotest
idea of their pronunciation ; by reason whereof, others, faithful subjects
of Her said Majesty, are continually led into mistakes in the utterance of
them, thereby often giving great offence to their owners, and exposing
themselves unto derision and ridicule, to their no small discomfort and
discomposure of mind ; and moreover whereas a great many other incon-
veniences are by the same means occasioned ;
Be it Enacted, That from the passing of this Act, henceforth and for
ever, no Person calling himself Chumley shall spell his name Cholmon-
dely ; and that all manner of Persons who think proper to spell their
names Cholmondely, shall pronounce their said names, and have them
pronounced of others, precisely as they are spelt; that is to say, as words
of four syllables, with a due and distinct emphasis on each.
And whereas the name of Beauchamp is of French origin, be it further
enacted, that the said name shall be sounded of all men as nearly as pos-
sible after the French manner, and shall not be pronounced Beecham
tinder any pretence whatever : and that all manner of Persons calling
themselves Beecham shall write and spell their names, and shall have
them written and spelt accordingly ; provided always, that in case they
prefer to spell them Beechum. they'shall be at liberty so to do.
In like manner, Be it further Enacted. That Marjoribanks shall be
speltMarchbanks ; Wemyss, Wims ; and Colquhoun, Cohoon ; or if not,
then that they also shall be pronounced as they are spelt, and not in any
other manner. And, furthermore, Be it Enacted. That all other names
not expressly mentioned in this Act shall be spoken according to their
orthography. And, lastly, Be it Enacted, That any person, of what degree
wover, offendiDg against any one of the provisions of this Act, either by
(Mama loquitur.)
Come and hear me tell,
Little soldier mine,
Of those Ogres fell
Who on Frenchmen dine.
It will rcdke you mad ;
It will turn you blue ;
Little martial lad,
Little Frenchman true!—
Car ce sont-la des perfides Albion-
nais !
Men who will not fight
When their neighbours taunt,
Yet who thrash us quite
Soundly, when they want.
Those audacious tars,
Morning, noon, and night,
Little son of Mars,
Hold in mortal spite !
Car ce sont-la des perfides Albion-
nais .'
Curse thou, boy, Poictiers,
Crecy, Azincour,
Blenheim, Talavere,
And a hundred more—
Only Fontenoy—
Name that comes so pat,
Little martial boy
Make the most of that !
Bah '. ce sont-la des perfides
Albionnais !
Who burnt Joan of Arc
(The butcher ! nay, the baker !)
Recent deed and dark I
Who stormed John of Acre ?
He ! The Englishman !
Be it still thy joy
Him to curse and ban,
Little Christian boy !—
Car ce sont-la des perfides Albion-
nais !
They our Hero shut
Under bolt and lock—
In a wretched hut,
On a wretched rock :—
Poisoned there his food,
Every pot and pan,
Roasted, boiled, and stewed,
Little martial man !
Car ce sonl-la des perfides Albion-
nais !
Till, of all bereft,
That great heart was still ;
And he died, and left
An affecting will ; *
Whereon was impressed
His imperial soul,
By a meet bequest—
Child, so read the scroll !
Ah! ce sont-Ca des perfides Alowi-
nnis !
etc , etc., etc-
Vide "The Giant and tub Dwabf," in Punch, No. ME.
PUNCH'S MIRROR OF PARLIAMENT.
Sir Valentine Blake moved for a return of the name of the mason
who stood, by Prince Albert's desire, in one of the nooks reserved for
the statues of the Kings, also the length of time he stood there, how he
looked, and whether he was an Englishman, a Scotchman, a Welshman,
or an Irishman.
Sir James Graham had never heard of the fact. {Hear.) He had noi
even seen the nook ; but when he did, he (Sir James Graham) would be
quite prepared to go into it.
GRAND HYDROPATHIC DEMONSTRATION.
This display, which is to prove beyond a doubt what the science is
really capable of, has been put off, we understand, till the arrival of the
Emperor of Russia, when an experiment will be tried upon a scale
never before attempted.
ST. STEPHEN'S, WALBROOK.
This parish is now blessed with four churchwardens : Messrs. Gibbk
and Whitaker having claimed the office on one side, while Messrs.
Flight and Rock, on the other hand, declare themselves to have been
duly elected by the parishioners. Dr. Phillimore swore them all in,
though they all tried to swear each other out.
Notice of Motion.—Sir Valentine Blake to move for a Committee
to inquire whether, by the provisions of Lord Worsley's Bill for the ie-
closure of some of the Commons, he, Sir Valentine Blake, stood in an7
danger of being regularly shut up.