Punch (7.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

feeling, Sir James, was intense indignation ; and then I vehemently
slapped my breast, and so, giving the virtue a jerk, pity came upper-
most.

Then I thought,—how can I and Sir James ever meet again?
When we mot, I was wont to don a crimson waistcoat, worked with
all sorts of impossibilities in gold ; to wear a court coat of cut choco-
late velvet, and silk stockings shining like glass. Knowing that the
vulgar were taken by such things, I always went among Cabinet
Ministers, drest to the amazement even of tailors. Sir James, you
know my secret, and how in that dress can we meet again ? Deny
it not; you must know it, for you have read Mr. Nathan's letters
long before they came to my unconscious hand, letters demanding
of me, I will not take upon myself to say how many times, payment
for the hire of that crimson waistcoat and chocolate velvet coat !
This is one case ; I might cite a hundred.

At length, I took comfort. A true chymist will extract sugar even
from the cudgel he has been beaten with. Sir James has, I thought,
ill-used me, but nevertheless,from his very shabbiness will I extract
the sweets of patronage. I will dedicate to him my " Complete Letter-
Writer ;" and for this reason—a reason stringent as an iron hoop.

As Sir James Graham has the whole run of the Post-office—as
he has the unquestioned fingering of all the letters of the Queen's
subjects —he cannot but possess a most refined, most exquisite taste,

THE PRIZE COMEDY.

he Committee, consenting to select the
Prize Comedy from the ninety-eight
comedies sent into the Haymarket, have
done a very handsome thing. Very
handsome. Finding that Quid pro Quo
has failed, the Committee have among
themselves subscribed the 500/., and
handed over the sum to Mr. Webster.
We are enabled to give the letter of
Mr. Charles Kemble (Chairman of the
Committee), to the Haymarket manager.

CHARLES KEMBLE TO BENJAMIN WEBSTER, ESQ.
My Dear Sir,

Quid pro Quo has deceived us all. True it is, there were several

comedies among the batch much better written, but we thought there was
more real fun in the play we selected ; and real fun, you will allow, is of
great value in the legitimate drama, and more especially in a comedv
for the graces of epistolary composition. \es; he above all men, illustrative of living manners. We had great hopes of the slang put into

from his large reading of the subject, will take and hug to his bosom
—if Ministers own such physical vulgarities—Punch's Complete
Letter-Writer. He will appreciate its many-coloured style ; he
will acknowledge it as a work to supersede all works of the sort
hitherto written ; he will—perhaps in his place in Parliament, and
so save a considerable sum in the way of advertisements—declare of
the book, that no family should be without it ; and that every gentle-
man's library, having all else, yet wanting it, has nothing !

Therefore, Sir James, it is with the profoundest opinion of your
experienced ability to judge the surpassing merits of the volume—
a volume for the world—that Punch's Complete Writer is dedi-
cated to you,

By your Old Acquaintance,

the mouth of Mrs. Nisbett, as also of the cigar in the same pleasant
predicament. Both the slang and the cigar—we all of us keenly feel the
disappointment—decidedly failed.

Under these circumstances—with the comedy of their choice limping
and not running—the Committee consider that a strong verdict has been
passed upon their judgment ; they themselves all feel, as Launcelot Gobbo
saith, " like an ill-roasted egg, damned on one side." Not a hiss escaped
the audience on the first night that the Committee did not honestly appro-
priate half the sibilation to themselves. I assure you, that the Committee
considered it a strong evidence of either the indulgence or forgetfulness of
an intelligent British public, that the audience did not summon the judges
before the curtain, and when there visit them with a very significant
sentence for their false judgment. I must, however, say this for the Com-
mittee ; every man of them was ready to suffer the result of his respon-
sibility, whether administered from the galleries in the shape of nuts,

t. i o t iT.ii.ir -j t u -mT " y x. a '■ apples, oranges, or gingerbeer bottles.

Be it known, Sir James, that the aforesaid Letters wiiJ be published ^ ' „,„ ' ,. ° f ., ... . , ., TT

lo come, however, to the more gratifying purpose of this letter. Upon

our judgment, sir, you paid 500/.—that judgment is now proved not to be
worth as many farthings. The Committee have, therefore, subscribed the
' 500/.—they could not turn comfortably in their honest beds until they had
done so—for which sum I have the pleasure to enclose you a cheque pay-
able at Messrs. Aldgate, Pump, and Company, and remain,

every week until the conclusion of the present—Punch's seventh
volume

MEDITATIONS BY A DESPAIRING ANGLER.

(suggested by lord w. le.nnox's ode "the isles of Greece.")

The Isle of Eels ! The Isle of Eels !

Where Mrs. Hopki.vs dinei and sung;
Where first (as this seared heart revealsj,

My passion for the Widow sprung!
The pies are good, and so's the ale —
But all to me is flat and stale 1

Where Richmond looks on Teddington,

In patient guise I threw my line ;
And fishing there (and catching none)

My dear Sir, yours always,

Fill high the glass with ginger wine!— fi \vFR=TFR Fso Chaftfs Kfmrtf

On Richmond's bridge, or Twifnam's a- " EBsTER, £*sq. uharles JVEMBLE.

shore,

P.S. I had almost forgotten to say that, as I am about to recommence
my readings of Hamlet, &c, I shall be very happy also to read ("for a
consideration") any, or all of the rejected com;, dies, just to unbend the
mind of the audience after Shakspere.

Oft had I held my rod and line,—

But never had a bite before !
There was a downright tug that day ; —
But ah ! he tugged, and swam away 1

And where is he ? And where art thou,

My widow? At the Angler's heart
T/iou gav'st one mighty tug, and now

This letter, it must be owned, demands but little comment ; it speaks

I dreamt, that she might still be mine: TZ, vX.TV^ ' ^ 1., r U li XT i------- V ^ _ ' V »------, , " "LIvZ

For, dressed in Doudney'slightgambroon, I « Art fled-but hast received no smart! . for itself. Nothing less was to have been expected from the honourable

I could not deem myself a spoon.

Fill high the glass with ginger wine !—
We will not think on this here theme ;

Nor for the charming Widow pine;
Others may yet more charming seem.

More charming? Ah, it cannot be—

Her equal never made the tea!

Such loss would sure a Stoic move —
My only fish I My only love 1

Place me on Railton's stunted post*
(Queer pedestal for France's Fsar) ;

And fishing there with Nklson 's Ghost,
I'm sure I 'd catch as much as here !

Doudney and line no more be mine—

Dash down—no, don't—that ginger wine !

AN APPROPRIATE PRESENT.
It is now generally known that the distinguished lady who proposed to
the Emperor of Russia a postponement of the Polish Ball, in delicate
deference to imperial feelings, was her Grace the Duchess of Somerset.
It appears that the act was not lost upon the mind of the Emperor, who
has most appropriately rewarded the zeal of the Patroness ; for last week
Nicholas forwarded to the Duchess a magnificent armlet, in the shape of
a caterpillar set with brilliants. The present has been much admired iu
certain circles for its costliness, and, more, for the peculiar fitness of the
device.

LAUGHING MADE EASY.
The Paris Charivari is quite angry with Punch for laughing at France.
If our contemporary wishes to retaliate, why doesn't he read our Parlia-
mentary Debates ?

The Nelson Column.

men who composed the Committee appointed to declare the Prize Comedy.

THE KENSINGTON RAILROAD.

[From our own Correspondents
In order to preserve the strict privacy and utter retirement to which
this railway seems devoted, a hoarding has been put up to prevent the
public from seeing the trains, so that any passenger who goes by them
may enjoy the most secluded solitude. An application has been made to
Wimbush to put his omnibus in connection with the line, so that the whole
arrangements may be in strict keeping with that spirit of extreme one-
ness, which has hitherto been obvious in the number of passengers, who
have started by the Kensington Railway. One cab has also been put upon
the vacant ground in front of the booking-office, but at present nothing
seems to have been booked but the railroad itself. One waterman is also
appointed to the bench on the public-house opposite, where he sits all
dav iu close and anxious consultation with the one cabman.

A PLEASANT REFLECTION.
The scientific papers say a beautiful Northern Light was seen distinctly
on the 8th of June. This is quite a mistake ; it was a grand illumination
throughout Siberia in honour of the Emperor's absence from Russia.